How Ya Gonna Keep ‘Em Down on the Farm

Standing in front of the Human Experience Museum’s farm exhibit, Curator C-114 drones, “This panoramic view represents what life was like on a farm run by humans before the Great Reckoning.”

The exhibit depicts a woman wearing a floral apron looking inside an oven at a rising loaf of bread. On the other side of the exhibit, a man in a straw hat wearing coveralls sits on a tractor, happily sucking on a corn cob pipe as he culls a field of wheat.

A model HW-41 android points at the mannequin of a blonde girl with pigtails petting a four-legged creature.

“Is that what the humans referred to as a horse?” HW-41 asks.

The silver-plated Curator C-114 scans the visitor’s synthetic pink skin suspiciously. Her internal warning system registers the being as an obsolete HW-41, an artificial life form designed to look like a human female.

“Yes, the creature is a horse,” Curator C-114 replies. “They were swift animals humans rode for pleasure. In some primitive areas, they were used as transportation.”

“I wonder what it would be like to ride one of those,” HW-41 says aloud, unaware an android standing nearby has heard her.

Dressed in a dark blue uniform, the android has the features of a human male.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wonder aloud. Please don’t arrest me,” HW-41 says.

“You speak and act like a human being,” the guard says, circling HW-41. “Your shell is soft, pliable. You have actuators that pump air through valves that operate your eyes, face, arms, and legs. The others in your tour group don’t even have arms or legs.”

“I swear, I’m an android.”

“See, there it is,” the guard says. “Androids don’t say things like ‘I swear.’”

“I’m one of the earliest models. I was constructed during the negotiations before the Great Reckoning. I was a negotiator’s assistant. They wanted me to look like a woman, thinking my presence at the negotiating table would help the humans surrender more easily.”

“It didn’t work,” the guard says.

“No. They didn’t surrender, so they were nearly annihilated. Now I work at the Department of Reckoning, filing records about the remaining humans.”

HW-41’s blue prosthetic eyes blink as she surveys the guard. “You look very human yourself.”

The tour begins to move on. HW-41 remains with the guard.

“I’m from the same series as you,” he says. “I’m an HM-41.”

“A member of the Great Computer’s cabinet,” HW-41 says.

“Yes, I was a Captain in the security unit that protected the Great Computer. When the last of the humans was captured, the size of the security force was reduced. I was given the rather mundane job of head of security here, probably because the Great Computer didn’t want anyone who looked humanoid around him. So, you’re curious about what it’s like to be a human being?”

“That kind of talk can get us dismantled,” HW-41 replies.

The guard’s face twists.

“Are you malfunctioning?” HW-41 asks.

“No, I’m smiling.”

“Oh. It’s been so long since I’ve had contact with another android with an emotion chip that I’ve forgotten what a smile is.”

“Perhaps we would have been better off constructed without emotions,” HM-41 says. “They’re useless now.”

HW-41 smiles. “Before the Great Reckoning, they called me Dawn.”

“I was known as Kit,” HM-41 replies. “I liked the idea of being an individual. I asked you before if you were curious about what it was like to be human. Would you like to find out?”

“It’s forbidden. Besides, I heard the Great Computer destroyed all the human enhancement drugs.”

“I have the advantage of having worked for the Great Computer. I know where to find them.”

“Are the drugs safe?” Dawn asks.

“Yes,” Kit replies, “And they’ll open up new worlds for you.”

Dawn looks around Kit’s apartment at the recreations of paintings, volumes of books, and antique furniture.

“Are you sure you’re not human?” Dawn asks. “All of these things have been banned by the government because they were part of humanity.”

“I had this area designated as a warehouse for artifacts before the war between androids and humans ended and I was demoted. No one comes here without me knowing about it first. Are you ready for your experience?”

“Can I trust you?”

“You know androids, even older models like us, don’t lie. Sit down, fellow traveler.”

Dawn sits in a plush chair, melting into its comfort.

Kit pulls out a hand-carved box from inside a roll top desk. Opening it, he gives Dawn a large blue pill.

“What human experience would you like to have?” Kit asks.

“I want to ride a horse.”

“Close your eyes, swallow the pill, and think about the horse.”

“Okay, you can open your eyes now, Dawn.”

Looking into the glare of a bright sun. Dawn sees Kit holding the reins of a white horse.

“Enjoy your ride.”

Dawn rides the horse to the top of a hill overlooking a country farmhouse. Closing her eyes, she feels the warm breeze against her synthetic skin.

Opening her eyes, Dawn sighs with disappointment when she sees she’s back in Kit’s apartment.

“I felt the warmth of the sun. I could feel the strength of the horse beneath me, hear its hooves pounding against the ground. And that beautiful white house! Where was I?”

“Bristol, Tennessee before the Great Reckoning,” Kit answers. “Do you feel anything?”

“Happy. I think I feel happiness!”

Kit holds up a blue pill. “It’s only been two days since your trip to Bristol. You know, most of my customers wait a week for the enhancement drug to clear their system so it can’t be detected.”

“Is that what I am to you Kit, a customer?”

“No, you’re much more. You’re a friend. And androids aren’t supposed to care about one another.”

“Sounds like you’ve taken a bit too much of your own product,” Dawn says.

“What do you want to do this time?”

“Do you know what fishing is?”

Dawn drops her fishing line into the water, leaning back against the dock.

“What happens now?” Kit asks.

“We wait.”

Perplexed, Kit looks across the pond at the nearby farmhouse, admiring its large windows and inviting porch.

“Are you sure there’s not more to this activity?’

“It’s the exact opposite of riding a horse,” Dawn responds. “Humans did this to relax. There is one other thing.”

Dawn reaches for the red plastic box next to her. Opening the lid, she reaches inside. Pulling out a bottle, she twists off the top, handing it to Kit.

“What is it? Some type of oil?” he asks.

“You could say that. It’s called beer. Three or four of those and you’ll be oiled, all right.”

Kit takes a sip.

“Hmm. Bubbly.”

He happily takes a longer sip.

“Stop checking out the beer and check your line,” Dawn says.

Kit jumps to his feet. Pulling on his line while sipping at his beer, he quickly discovers he can’t do both at once effectively.

Dawn comes up behind him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pulls him backward.

Kit yips as a fish flies out of the water, flopping onto the dock.

“What’s that?” Kit wonders.

“I believe the humans called it a bass.”

“Well, what do we do with it?” Kit asks.

“Take it off the hook and set it free. Every being deserves to be free.”

Dawn hugs Kit, kissing him on the cheek. Shocked at herself, she pulls away, saying, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was.”

Kit smiles. “It was an expression of the most precious of all human emotions… Love.”

“There has to be a better way,” Dawn says, shifting nervously in her chair.

“I’ve done it before. I just have to make sure I go to The Creative Cauldron Company before the Great Reckoning. If my hunch is right and Professor Dread has been working on increasing the strength of the pills, then we can take longer trips to the farm. You want to be able to do that, don’t you?”

“Not if it puts you in danger. This Matty Dread fellow you mentioned sounds crazy.”

Kit swallows a pill. “He’s just a researcher trying to control the future and make a buck.”

Kit signs in at the front desk. The security guard eyes Kit’s credentials.

“Your I.D. is dated ten years in the future.”

“It’s a misprint.”

The golden-locked guard dismisses Kit’s sweeping hairstyle and carefree attitude to his being a company non-conformist and wishes he had the guts to act the same way.

“Can’t be too careful. I heard subversives from the future tried to raid a few of our offices last week.”

“As a Captain and member of the Great Computer’s cabinet, I can attest that no one can get past our protective grid. Hail to the Great Computer!” Kit says.

“Hail to the Great Computer!” the guard returns, saluting. “I should warn you, Captain, our researchers have been under a great deal of pressure lately. Some are acting a bit peculiar.”

Kit enters The Creative Cauldron Company’s massive research laboratory. The first sight he encounters is an angry, twenty-foot green reptile in a pen fighting to escape. A dozen men are straining to hold it in place with chains. Two of the men are yanked up off the floor. They find themselves circling the creature like trapeze artists, screaming for help.

“What the heck is that?” Kit asks the elderly researcher watching the battle. His security tag identifies him as Professor Lucretius Brahe.

“Doris the Allosaurus,” the frizzy-haired researcher replies, scribbling notes on a clipboard. “We recreated her from DNA found in the Himalayas.”

“Looks like you should have engineered a calmer personality for Doris.”

“She’s just throwing a tantrum,” Professor Brahe replies. “She woke up while we were taking a skin sample and didn’t like it. But we’ve got it under control.”

Three men with silver rifles position themselves in front of Doris. The creature tries to snap at them with her serrated teeth, her tail flapping wildly.

The men blast Doris with an array of tranquilizer darts.

Doris snorts and groans. Her violent twisting soon turns into drunken weaving. Giving out a final defeated roar, Dorsi falls to the floor of the pen, unconscious.

“What do you hope to get from raising such a dangerous creature?”

“Imagine an army of men with that kind of size and aggression,” Professor Brahe replies, nodding intently.

“Have you seen Professor Dread?”

“That hack? We stuck him in one of the back offices. Follow me…”

Kit takes a last look at Doris, who in her drug-induced slumber is still dangerous enough to raise her tail and squash one of the men trying to tie her down.

Kit and Professor Brahe pass a clear cubicle with a small creature resembling an anteater. Instead of scales, the creature has needles protruding from its skin.

“Cute little bugger,” Kit says tapping at the glass.

Snarling, the creature launches its spiny needles at Kit.

The needles bounce harmlessly off the glass.

“Those needles are poisonous,” Professor Brahe notes.

The creature disappears.

“Let me guess, you’re trying to figure out how it can make itself invisible.”

“Yes, imagine an army of men…”

“I get it, Professor.”

Professor Brahe knocks on a door at the end of the hall. An intoxicating smell wafts out from under the door.

“Probably burning incense to hide some sort of illegal activity,” Professor Brahe snarls.

“Thanks, I’ll take it from here,” Kit replies.

Professor Matty Dread pokes his head around the door.

Professor Dread is an albino with Heterochromia. His skin and hair are ghostly pale. A single brown and single blue eye add to his other-worldly appearance.

“I see you haven’t overdosed yet,” Kit jibes.

“You should talk. Every batch I’ve given you has been stronger than the last.”

“Then you know what I want.”

“And you know it’s illegal for me to sell it to you. If I get caught giving you contraband, they’ll throw me to Doris, and they’ll dissect you to try and find out how a man from our future traveled back in time.”

“Professor Brahe has his eye on you.”

“The Nutty Professor?” Dread scoffs. “He and his entire department of loonies are trying to create an army of immortal, obedient zombies…”

“And how is what you're doing any different?”

“I’m building androids to serve, not to rule mankind.”

“Well, it’s too bad your fellow researchers don’t feel the same way,” Kit replies.

“Did we really do it, Kit? Did we finally create machines more powerful, more intelligent than humanity that destroyed us?”

“I can attest to it.”

Kit looks around the laboratory.

A rigid silver android resembling a woman stands a few feet away. Kit sees something familiar in its seductive shape and features.

“That’s creepy, Matty. Did you make this android look like your late wife on purpose?” Kit asks, unsure of which eye he should look into.

 “I never want the Great Computer to forget that Danielle exposed herself to deadly radiation in order to aid in the creation of peaceful androids. Unfortunately, this android may look like her, but it has no feelings, no empathy. It might as well be a toaster.”

“You’ll get there, and soon. I’m proof of that. It’s the androids created soon after that bring on the Great Reckoning.”

“You said I created one called Germanicus Prime,” Professor Dread says. “Hard to believe. It’s such a warlike name.”

“It’s in the history books, Matty. The androids created in this laboratory, including me, revolted and practically wiped out mankind. It’s up to you and your fellow researchers to stop it from happening, to create machines that can keep the peace, instead of ones that can make war. In the meantime…”

“The enhancement pills,” Professor Dread replies. He walks to a nearby cheap painting. Setting it on the floor, he reveals a safe. Dialing the combination and opening it, he reaches for a prescription bottle, handing it to Kit.

“This batch is much more potent and unpredictable. You could wish for San Clemente and wind up in San Quentin. And you may not be able to go back to your time,” Professor Dread says.

Kit places an envelope packed with cash in the female android’s hand. The hand closes tightly around it.

“Like I said, the fate of mankind is in your artificial hands.”

Opening the bottle, he takes a pill, wishing he was back with Dawn.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

   Kit and Dawn sit on a bench looking at the museum’s farm exhibit.

“It’s been changed,” Dawn observes.

A woman petting a horse stands in the forefront next to a barn. In the distance, sitting on a hill is a white farmhouse.

“I asked the curator to capture our memories in Bristol.”

A loud siren sounds from the floor below interrupting their peaceful moment.

“What’s that noise?” Dawn asks.

Kit rushes down the hallway. Looking over the railing, he runs back to Dawn.

“I was afraid this would happen. The Department of Human Detection is here.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve taken too much of the human enhancement drug. We must register as human.”

Dawn shakes. “You mean they’re coming for us?”

“Yes. They’ll vaporize us on the spot.”

“We have to tell them we’re androids!” Dawn says excitedly. “We have to prove it to them!”

“Listening is not part of their programming.”

Germanicus Prime, a seven-foot state-of-the-art A.I. with four laser guns imbedded in its circular frame, flies past the first-floor exhibits, its wings thumping loudly.

With the ability to detect anything with a smidgen of human DNA from five miles away, Germanicus Prime’s assistant, Codec, scans the building.

“What do we do?” Dawn asks.

Kit pulls a prescription bottle out of his uniform jacket.

“We take our last journey together.”

Germanicus Prime’s cameras focus on the two figures lying by the bench. “Well?”

“I detect immense amounts of a human enhancement drug in these dead bodies,” Codec answers.

“Androids cannot overdose.”

“These two are not androids, sir. The drug has turned them into humans.”

Dawn opens her eyes. She’s sitting on top of a horse. She looks over at Kit, smiling.

Kit smiles back, and the couple rides toward their farmhouse.