TheIM's Ripple

TheIM could see the autumn out of the train window in that special journey. The most reflective period she pondered. She was so tired of words and letter, wanted to de-vocabularise, de-chatter from the very core of her being. She had been perplexed with Time and she could never understand what humans meant by age. It seemed "season" was more relevant than time itself.

But at the threshold of fifty-one, TheIM felt a vortex of seasons. She was being ripped and torn to shreds at every ripple. But this vortex was within her. Zen at its didactic best. Each and every time TheIM thought she had figured it out - a eureka moment, yet another ripple would fling her short-lived joy. She was nowhere close to obtaining the answer to any single question.

Did the occurrence of the ripple mean she was close to her seeking or were there more earthly seasons that she had to live?

Her train had moved from the place she thought to be home for many years. The autumn had dissolved in her.

TheIM at 51 watched that ripple of her unfolding primal rebirth.

I gently gave way to fall to the ground

My trunk was dry and scaly,

The whisper of the wind teased me

The strong gush of air blew me

and I Gave way!!

Wish I can go back up and!

Blossom with the tree

That cannot be

I was but a leaf,

Was it for feet to step on?

I lay in wait

none came and then

I changed colour and

Dissolved into me.

There was an autumn in me!!!

The train was moving and TheIM opened her big brown eyes. There was a white sheath outside and thick piles of snow. So, she then went back to shutting her eyes. The exact moment in that time when she could hear the ripple sound gradually getting louder. This felt real. TheIM tried shutting out the sound, but it only increased. Another pair of big brown eyes but that lasered their way into that white pile of snow. If this was not warped enough the snow was not out on the slope. It was in her – as if she was just watching herself. Her curiosity got the better of her. Skis appeared from nowhere. She did not give it a thought but grabbed them with that same urge she felt when she boarded the train. TheIM had always had this heady sense of adventure. This was the opportunity to explore the eerie white wilderness.  She trudged for some distance then fitted into the skis and dashed off into the white glow. Her sense of direction had never been her forte. But in this mesmerising atmosphere, was there even something of a compass.

The thought of a compass unnerved her. Momentarily, she did want to be released from this grip of surrealism combined with an indescribable primal calling.

I gently dropped to the ground,

The floor was cold and smooth.

The howl of the wind challenged me.

The chill air shivered through me.

And I gave in!!

Wish I can retreat

to blend into that warmth

No that cannot be –

I was but the cold snow

Was it for feet to step on?

I lay in wait

none came and then

I melted and

Dissolved into me.

TheIM thought she heard the train whistle blow. She could not be sure. She jerked open her eyes and yes, she was at this station. She saw the blossoms at the far hill slopes, colours galore. They drew the attention of her big brown eyes like a magnet. There was thudding of life everywhere. But then she wanted to revel in their glory and shut her eyes. That moment was a vision she could not forget. The moving of the train from that station coincided with a vision. The line between reality, edge of life and a dream all seemed to be the ripples of the vortex.

TheIM saw a girl on a cycle. The girl was wearing a floral patterned dress just as the colour of the blossoms. Her dark brown hair was flying out wildly though there was loose ribbon. TheIM’s big eyes widened in astonishment at what or rather who she saw. She was looking at herself in the hologram. To add further dimension to that character on the cycle, the girl was riding across a path through a grassy slope. The version was a joyous being, laughing and confident.

Who was real? TheIM or that version. She could not be sure anymore. A scene her inner eyes took in with longing.

She gently fell to the grassy ground,

The grass was soft and comforting.

The voice of the breeze beckoned me

Its music bathed me.

And I gave in!!

to become one with that calling

Yes, it can be –

I was but one with her

Our feet walked together,

I took those soft and young pair of hands

and then

she dissolved into me.

TheIM’s eyes flew open to see that the train had come to a complete stop. She was sure that something had happened within her during this journey.

A sense of oneness with herself. A kind a rebirthing, a sudden evolution.

Was that vortex for real because the ripples she felt in the journey were creating a new version. The journey through the seasons had shown her that she was one with the Universe and she was just one of its channels.

But wait, she had gone through her Autumn, Winter, Spring. Where was her Summer? TheIM did not know that she had not long to wait. She stepped down from the train. TheIM’s Summer had begun. She closed her eyes for a moment and the young girl riding a bike came to meet her, took her hands and led her out into the energy pulsating summer sun.

TheIM was enlivened. She was born again and had made peace with all the seasons.

TheIM celebrated her young self with immense gratitude and joy.