Rules to Live by When your Sister Hates you

Submitted into Contest #74 in response to: Write a story in the form of a top-ten list.... view prompt

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American Creative Nonfiction Funny

How to avoid dying with a sister who absolutely loathes you.

These are a number of truths that I have learned and collected over the years of living with a sister who would celebrate your funeral. The rules are in order of most important to least important.

  1. Leave her phone alone. This is the most important rule. Trust me.
  2. Never leave anything you care about where your sister can see it. She will destroy anything or use up all of your favorite products. She will steal all of your bracelet making materials, just let it go. She will probably still go through your drawers and boxes so if there is something you really don't want her getting to keep it somewhere she would never look, like in your backpack behind your math homework. Sometimes you can keep things in your drawers safe by putting really boring things on top of it or by putting a ton of candy on it. The boring things will probably get them to stop looking through the drawer but it's not guaranteed. The candy will usually distract them and they will take some and leave, the biggest risk of the candy method is that your sister might take all of the candy and still find what you were hiding. I personally like the candy method, I am known as a candy fiend so my sister only dares to take a few pieces of candy when she finds my stash and is quick to leave after taking any of my candy.
  3. Never argue with her. She is in fact younger than you, your parents will take her side. Side note: If you have older siblings chances are they are going to take her side. Never try to stop her from doing something like getting a valentine when she is like ten. Even if you did it thinking you were protecting her. Your family will be angry and use it against you for years. Now this is one of the rules with an exception, you can still argue with your sister if you two are home alone, if no one sees the interaction you can convince your parents she is trying to get you in trouble. tread lightly with this exception though if you make your sister cry no matter what you will be in trouble.
  4. Stay out of her room. There are really only two options for the state of your sisters room, a health hazard, or a trap. If you absolutely need to enter your sisters room unless it's in the health hazard state do not enter. The health Hazard state which is characterized by clothing being everywhere, food/ wrappers strewn randomly around, and most importantly the bed being an absolute disaster often with at least 50% of the the blankets on the floor, it will usually cover the fact that you have been in their room at all. That fact is the only thing that might save you. Now if its between death and going into your sisters room when it's in the trap state, choose death. You see a sisters room in the trap state is often misleading. The room looks completely clean and organized, which makes it seem like things are going to be easy to find, but that is dead wrong. The way your sister will organize things will be a system that only the devil could invent. And at least fifty percent of her drawers and boxes and various storage items will be set up in a way that unless you perform a blood sacrifice before opening it, everything will fall out and you will never be able to properly put everything back. And the rest of her storage is not organized at all she just shoved the things she didn't know what to do with into it. If you do come across one of these boxes do not stick your hand underneath anything in the box, you will cut your hand on something or become a pin cushion.
  5. If you know that she really likes a certain food never eat the last of it. She will kill you over her favorite food, do not mess with it.
  6. Compliment your sister. If your sister puts extra effort into their appearance or is a person who highly values being well groomed. Make sure she knows that you see it and think she is doing a good job. Even if it's not necessarily your style.
  7. Be very careful to not hurt her. If you do, even on accident. Nothing can save you, not even your parents (if they know it was an accident). If you do, hope that your will includes giving her something she will like or she will make sure your body is never found or buried. Also she can and will pull favors that end with you being tortured for the rest of existence.
  8. If you have a family pet and she has it don't take it from her. Family pets despite being for the family are often claimed by your sister in some way, and the pet often likes your sister for seemingly no reason. if she has the pet in her room or is holding the pet let her have it. Come back later when she is busy with something else, or better yet not home.
  9. Find out what she likes and use it to appease her. Now at this point it may seem like I am saying sisters are the devil or at very least demons. That is simply not true. sisters can be amazing people but to stay on the safe side, don't forget the powers of appeasement.
  10. Don't get in the way of her love life, or tell her what to do. If you do she will be angry and tell you to stay out of it, and if you tell her what to do she is likely to do the opposite. You can get away will meddling a little bit if you take on the protective sibling who will hurt anyone who hurts your sibling, role.

Advice for people who need help dealing with sisters. Written by a girl, who occasionally annoys her sisters and is annoyed by her sisters.

December 31, 2020 22:16

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