If Only "I Do"

Today is the day. I’m finally becoming Mrs. Alexander. All of the planning and long nights were worth it. I throw the covers to the side and slide into my house slippers, which I only took off a few short hours ago. I’m running off of 3 hours and 12 minutes of sleep but I couldn’t be more excited. Tony Alexander stole my heart 2 years to the day, on a train going upstate. He was shy, but charming and had a smile no woman could resist. I never did make it to my destination that day, Cupid had other plans in mind for me. And we’ve been together ever since.

My Dad fell in love with Tony almost as fast as I did. Their passion for sports cars and the cowboys created a unity parallel to that seen in a fraternity. Sometimes I’d accuse him of only dating me for my father, we’d all laugh, but I feel my mother didn’t find it funny. Suddenly her husband was out and about leaving her at home. She hates football and couldn’t tell a Porsche from a Camaro. Which may be why it took her a while to warm up to Tony, she felt like she was having to share too much of my dad with him.

Once I showered and brushed my teeth, I look around my room. Last night was my last time sleeping here. So many memories. It’s kind of bittersweet but now it’s time to make a life with new memories with my soon to be husband. Looking at the clock I can’t believe the time, even more so I can’t believe my mom hasn’t ran in to bombard me with a checklist of everything to do before I say I do. Come to think of it the house is oddly quiet this morning. I walk down the hall and then downstairs, looking for some sign of movement. Where has everyone gone?

I take advantage of the peace and enjoy a small breakfast, two egg whites and a slice of toast with a glass of pineapple juice. Just now noticing I haven’t seen my phone this morning, and just like my missing family I don’t know where it is. No phone and no clue where anyone is, I grab my bag and dress, surely my mom is already at the church. My hair is a mess but that’s okay, Tiffany works wonders and she should be arriving at the church in less than an hour. I’m all ready to go but I can’t find my car keys, seems like I can never find them when I need them most. Once I was late for a date with Tony and told him it was because I misplaced my keys. The very next day he gave me a lanyard. It was the sweetest gesture, only I laid it down about a month later and still haven't found it. I search the kitchen, living room, and my room once again, they come up empty. I look out the window, hoping to see someone I know drive up but the street is deserted. It is, however, a nice day out so I can walk, the church isn't that far away, it partly why my parents chose this house. Dad said he'll never have to miss church or a football game.

Walking into the church the clock says 11 am which means Tiffany should be here and waiting on me. Just like my parents' home, the church seems still, too still for a wedding to be taking place in a few hours. I peak into the sanctuary the ribbons are just how we left them last night, half done. Man I really need my phone, where are my bridesmaids and why haven't they finished decorating? Flustered I make my way to the dining hall. That's where they must be its the only thing that makes sense. The cake lady came to drop off the cake half strawberry for me half rum for Tony. But to my dismay the dining hall is completely untouched. No cake, no table covers, no centerpieces, no bridesmaids, no parents. This must be some crazy dream. Don't cry Melody don't cry. Picking up my things and trying to stay calm I continue to search for someone, anyone. An hour had past and I'm beginning to freak out. What if something happened? What if they've tried calling or texting me? I don't have my phone. How will I know? I walk into the lady's room because it's the best place to have a meltdown. Before I can I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked horrible. Instead of freaking out, I channel my energy into my hair and makeup. At 2 pm I marry my best friend, I don't want to scare him away.

Now 12:30 and somewhat bridal magazine-worthy I put on my dress. I love this dress. First my grandmothers, then my moms, now mine, with a few personalized alterations, and one day I'll pass it along to my daughter. Its pure white with lace and ruffles but not poofy and stops just above my ankles. As I struggle to button the last closure I expect my loved ones to pop out and yell surprise, to which I would laugh and jokingly tell them they're all out of my wedding for pulling such a terrible prank. But at this point I actually wouldn't care I’d just be glad to have everyone here. The clock teases me, it's minute hand moving more rapidly than I'd like it to, not bringing along any change only drawing closer and closer to 2 pm. 12:45 and I can't take it any longer. I have to go find them.

I hope that old saying about bad dress rehearsals leading to great performances is true if so, Tony and I will have the perfect marriage. So here I am in my wedding dress, rollers in my hair, and my scuffed up tennis shoes I run errands in. The things people must be thinking. A jilted bride, a woman who got cold feet, a crazy person who just escaped the mental institution. No I'm just A lonely, stressed out bride to be who is very confused and strangely cold for this warm summer day. The church is on a quiet corner but just a block over is main street, I'll just ask to borrow someone's phone. I can hear music being played and it just now comes to my remembrance today is the city's indie music festival. Tony and I love it, it's the reason we choose to get married on this date. Maybe he's over there right now. Maybe he's gone and rearranged the whole wedding to surprise me. It was my dream to have an outside wedding after all. But he was never the destination wedding type. But it is just like him to want to make me happy and to say our vows in the middle of all the creativity, art and music, would be ideal for us. That's it, everyone is there waiting for me. I take a deep breath in and slowly exhale to gather nerves so I don't ruin the surprise.

At the corner is Rizzo's, a family dinner now ran by Daniel McLoughlin who married Nicki Rizzo. Once her little brother Johnny graduates college he’ll take over to keep it in the family’s name. Tony and I spent many afternoons sitting at the bar playing footsies and dreaming of our future together. Four kids, he wants 3 boys and a girl. I’m not so sure if I’m hooked on this idea yet but who knows what’s in store for us. I can see the streets bustling with people, some locals and some from other cities or states. If anywhere, this has to be where everyone is. My stomach is fluttering with butterflies, my heart feels as if it’s stopped and time seems to be standing still. I can’t wait to see the smile on my Tony’s face. I grab my dress up by the sides and start to run through the crowd, thankfully I have on sneakers, though these aren’t the shoes I’d planned on saying I do in, at this point I don’t care. I could be wearing a paper bag as long as I’m standing next to Tony.

As I run down the street looking for a familiar face I accidentally bump into a man I don’t know. Maybe it’s my adrenaline that’s causing me not to feel pain n because it seems as if I hit him pretty hard. He stumbles back a few steps and looks around as if it couldn’t have been I that ran into him. He dusts himself off and keeps walking. I’ve seen stranger things at indie festivals before and now is not the time to chase him down to apologize. Here I am going in circles trying to get a view from all angles I back into a woman carrying a child. She turns around defensively but looks right through me. “I’m so sorry ma’am. I didn’t mean to bump into you.” I say. She doesn’t say a word. Is she deaf? Can’t be, she’s not even reacting to a stranger trying to communicate with her. I try waving my hands “Hello. Excuse me, ma’am, may I borrow your phone I really need to make a call.” I say. But she turns around completely ignoring me. I tap her on the shoulder because at this point she’s just being rude. The woman glances at her shoulder and looks around. She puts her child on her other hip and walks away. I’m trying not to get annoyed but I don’t think anyone would blame me, not with the day I’m having.

I must be coming down with a cold, I can feel it I have the chills. My mother has been telling me to slow down all week or it would take a toll on my body. I’ll be okay I’ll get plenty of rest on our honeymoon in a secluded island resort. We’ve been saving for it for a little over a year, almost as long as we’ve been engaged. Still no signs of Tony, my parents, wedding party or any of our guests. I don’t know what to do now. I plop down on a bench beside an older gentleman reading the paper. He looks down at his leg and adjusts his glasses before going back to his reading. I’m on the edge now. “Excuse me, sir, I don’t mean to crowd your space, but do you have a phone I could borrow?” I ask him. He continues to read, he’s older so I wait a while for him to respond, but he doesn’t look away from the paper. I can’t take it anymore, an elder or not, I snatch his paper and standing directly in front of him, ask for his phone again. Now everyone is staring at me, losing my mind in someone’s grandfather’s face. How embarrassing? So I gather myself back together and plead my case, telling him why I desperately need to borrow a phone. How I’m supposed to be getting married in a few minutes now. But he doesn’t care, maybe he doesn’t speak English. I can tell he’s confused by the look on his face. The more I look at him, I see that he’s not staring at me but the paper. What is so important about this paper? I turn it around and take a look for myself.

The headline reads local woman in a near-fatal car accident night before her wedding day. Well that’s just awful. I’d hate to imagine what her fiancé must be going through. As I continue to read the story begins to feel awfully familiar, almost like a memory. No. I drop the paper and run towards the hospital my adrenaline kicks in again and I arrive before I know it. In the ER I demand to see the girl from the paper, everyone is so busy, no one notices me.

Amber! Amber is Tony’s sister and one of my bridesmaids. I’m so glad to see her finally but why is she here and not at my wedding? Not wanting to make a scene I follow behind her. She’s carrying two trays of coffee and moving briskly but I keep up to not lose her. She pauses as she gets to room 148. I get closer to try to read it. Valerie Allen. What a coincidence, she has my name.

An alarm goes off and staff runs in, telling people inside to give them room. The people start exiting and I see everyone. My family and friends and Tony. He looks horrible. They all do. All of a sudden the noise comes to an end. The doctors come out and speak briefly with my loved ones I can’t hear what they’re saying. I walk over to them. “What’s wrong?” I ask everyone “is everyone okay?” Throwing my arms around Tony. “I’m so glad to see you, my love.” I tell him. As I do he breaks down in tears, I've never seen him cry. “Mom, what’s wrong?” I ask grabbing her hand. “Dad, this isn’t funny what’s gotten into everybody?” He stares at the ground. I’m so over today.

“She didn’t deserve this.” Amber says whisking hair from her face. “Who?” I ask. She glances into the room. I decide to go in for myself. The room feels tight even for me, I’ve never been the claustrophobic type. There is defiantly a heaviness in the room, so strong it weighs me down a little more with each step I take further inside. They’ve covered the person’s face with a sheet, getting an eerie feeling over my whole body as I slowly pull it down to take a peek. I can't believe my eyes. This can’t be happening. That can’t be me!