Meeting My Doppelgänger

“I saw someone, who looks exactly like you,” Janine, a friend in my running group said. She sat kittycorner to me at the end of the large dark table in the back of Starbucks. I nodded, deep breathing, I didn’t like being at that end, closest to the washrooms with the exit doors at the other end of the cafe. In fact it was a phobia of mine, I’d mentioned to Janine and a couple of others, but I’d made light of it myself, and we’d laughed it off. But ever since then I’d challenged myself to go for coffee with the group on Saturdays after our run. 

“I was over on the North Shore at the quay and I saw you and almost said ‘Hi Emery,’ but then you looked right at me, and didn’t say anything.” 

I put my coffee cup down. “You’re not the only one who’s seen my doppelganger. How come I never get to meet her?”

“Aren’t we supposed to kill them or something,” Janine said with a laugh, her silver earings catching the reflection off one of the pendulant orange coloured lamps over the table. 

“I guess that’s why we don’t meet them,” I said, focussing on her earrings, trying not to think of the closed end behind us. I didn’t feel ready yet to embrace my fear as my therapist had suggested. 

“What if we advertised on social media, you know to find our doppelgangers,” Janine said.

“Why would you want to do that?” I said.

Janine smiled. “Could be fun. Afterall, they do something like that when actors get body doubles.”

“Maybe, but imagine someone who looks exactly like you, but they’re not. They could be a murderer, and one day you see your mugshot in the news under a ‘Wanted’ sign.”

 Janine giggled. 

We joined other conversations with the rest of the group, but when I left to walk home a few blocks away, my mind was on my doppelganger. 

In my apartment, I opened up my laptop and no suprise, found a website, “Find your doppelganger.” Following the prompts, I put Vancouver for my home location and I selected North Vancouver in the dropdown menu for the location ‘doppelganger last seen’. 

And there she was, my doppelganger wearing the same comfort casual clothing that I favoured in earth colors staring back at me. Perhaps she didn’t realize how menacing her gaze was and I reminded myself to be careful of subjecting anyone else to such a look. 

“We should get together,” I said.

Frankie, my doppelganger nodded a touch eager, and invited me to come to her place in North Van.

A couple of hours later, I was biking out to North Vancouver where she lived. Frankie could help me finish my runs in competitions, and sit through boring work meetings at Liken’s Property Management Firm. No doubt I’d have to return the favour. Cycling up the long stretch to the peak of the bridge, my quads ached and triggered some cautionary thinking. Should I go out to visit someone I didn’t know? But that’s not true; she’s me, so there’s nothing to worry about. I pushed on with it, and before I knew it, I was coasting downhill into North Vancouver.

When she opened her door to let me in, she still had that intense look as on the screen. But then maybe I did as well. I hadn’t realized just how disconcerting it was to have my body double in front of me. 

Frankie stuck out her hand, so I offered my own, and yelped when she gripped me strong and yanked me inside. The door closed behind me, and I heard a self locking mechanism, and I found myself knocked off balance, and my head banged against something. The door knob poking into the small of my back gave a clue, otherwise it was dark.

I felt a sharp edge of steel pushing into my neck, not yet drawing blood. Fearing speech would involve neck muscles that would impale me, I peered into the dark, making out the outline of my evil double. (And I’d felt a little guilty for considering using her to make my life easier.) 

The blade eased off my neck and the light flicked on. With the knife off my person, I spoke up for myself. “Hey, you can’t murder me.”

But my reflection’s eyes bore into me, “I have to. You’re my doppelganger,” she said, in my own voice. The knife dangled by her side. I pounced on her, but she pinned me back against the door and pressed one elbow against my throat, and pressed the knife tip against my neck with the other hand. 

More than the sharp pain of the blade penetrating layers of skin in my neck, I regretted not having done more weight bearing exercises, something Frankie hadn’t neglected. Before I knew it, and had time to be afraid, I was wooshed through the dark tunnel, I’d heard about, and emerged with an unblemished body into the light. I blinked, taking a while to adust my eyes, and then I focused on a  kind angel who looked like Michael Landon from Little House on the Prairie. 

“Emery, your work on the earth isn’t finished. It would be best if you went back. ” 

Basking in the incredible warmth of the light, I felt joyful in a way I never imagined and there was no tinge of fear to spoil it. The tunnel had disappeared but I remembered being stabbed in the dark and that reminded me of other bad experiences I’d had, such as my boss yelling at me for something I didn’t do and the time I sat in a wasps nest, and so on, let alone my phobia of closed spaces, which made me less keen to reenter that conduit back to earth.

“I’d just as soon move onto the pearly gates and my mansion in the sky, thankyou very much, than return the world full of care and sorrows and evil doppelgangers,” I said.

The Michael Landon angel shook his head. “I’m afraid, as long as your doppelganger is roaming the world, you won’t be able to enter the pearly gates.” 

No wonder doppelgangers have to be killed, and it didn’t work that mine had killed me. How could I have been brought practically to heaven’s door, and refused. It wasn’t fair. “I have to kill my doppelganger?” 

“Not kill, vanquish,” he said.

Same diff to me, but I don’t say anything. “Look I’m not the killing type. That’s an er… specialized skill, I don’t have.”

The angel holds out his hand and a visual plays out of multiples of myself enthusiastically crushing the lives out of mosquitotes. “Hey, they drew blood first, and that doesn’t count.”

The Michael Landon angel shook his head, “That’s not entirely true, but there’s no hurry. Your doppelganger will appreciate the opportunity to stretch her legs and strut a bit in your place. Feel free to hang out here as long as you like, but one day you’ll have to return to earth and get the job done.” 

So, I decided to hang out in purgatory or whatever this place is called. Like I said, it’s uber marvelous in ways I couldn’t begin to describe. My body felt fab and fit, and I was down with hanging out in the light, even if it wasn’t quite heaven. With any luck my demon double will come to her own end, maybe a shootout with the police, if she continued her nefarious ways. 

While I basked outside the pearly gates, Frankie fit herself very well into my life and behaved much better than I did, as me. At the office, she was upbeat and had a smile for everyone and even took on extra work. My coworkers should have been able to see through that, but no, they smiled back at her and shared more with her about their personal lives than they ever had with me. 

After a five k run with my running group, in record time for me, Janine, panting, caught up with her.

“Have you been replaced by your doppelganger, Emery? You’re flying today.”

Frankie laughed my laugh. “I looked them up on line. Technically they don’t exist.” 

Janine gave her a curious look. “Maybe I haven’t been seeing you in the right light, but you’re looking a heck of a lot more toned than I remember.”

“So are you, my friend,” Frankie said 

Poof. I know after Janine broke up with Laurence three months ago, I’ve dragged her to running group and I doubt she’s been doing any other sort of voluntary physical activity. 

“Keep saying that, and I’ll believe it.” Janine said, with a warm smile.

How could she fall for that. I’m ready to wring my doppelganger’s neck. 

I wanted to stop watching Frankie ace my life down on earth, but I couldn’t stop. It was like a Netflix series that I couldn’t help binge watching, except Frankie never messed up. I found myself shouting, “She’s evil, can’t you see that,” and “No one is that good. Come on guys, you have to suspect something.” I didn’t have any nighttime to escape into slumber to recharge, so I watched this stuff not just 24-7, but eternal-eternal. 

I was deep into it, when the Michael Landon angel blocked my vision and forgetting my manners, I peeked around him, because Frankie had the nerve to bake a cake to give to my snarky neighbor, the one who always harrassed me about joining her in fundraisers every frigging month. 

“How’s it going?” 

“I think you know. My doppelgänger is duping everyone in my life.”

“Take a look around you, Emery,” he said with a gentle smile and waved his hand aroud himself.

I wanted to get back to watching Frankie, but since the Michael Landon angel seemed to have some authority in this place, I forced myself to look in all directions. “Hey, who turned down the light?” and behind me, the dark tunnel gaped at me. Only the Michael Landon angel was lit up like a Christmas tree topper ornament. 

“I get it, as long as my doppelgänger is down there, I can’t really get into the light and love headspace up here,” I said.

He nodded.

I paused and looked around the dim environment. This had been like hanging out in the hotel room with the curtains closed watching bad soap operas during a Hawaiian vacation. I’d stunk at it. “Well, beam me down, Scottie.”

A bemused smile crossed his face. “Not beam me down, Michael Landon.”

“Nah, doesn’t have the same ring.”

Then with a woosh, not the thrilling kind I had going up, but the stomach-in-mouth kind, I was hurtled back through the tunnel and back into my life. I was lying on floor and I heard ambulance sirens, and a door opened and a paramedic, a burly blond guy with a baby face loomed over me, and asked if I was okay. 

“I’ve been stabbed,” I said, thinking that should be obvious. 

“Where?” 

“My neck,” I said aware the pain had gone. 

“I don’t see anything, but we’ll check you over,” the paramedic said. 

I looked around, and I was in my own apartment, not in Frankie’s place in North Vancouver. It was as if I’d dreamt this whole thing up. But I know I didn’t. I remembered where she lived, but maybe she’d vacated her place when she’d highjacked my life. But then if she hadn’t killed me, and I’m not there, have I even met her and has she taken over my life or not? 

“You don’t look so good but your vitals are all fine,” the paramedic said. “We’ll take you to the hospital in case we’re missing something.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m fine, just discombulated. But it’s passing.” 

Another call came in on a radio of a paramedic I hadn’t seen in the background, and I heard him answer it. “We’ll be right there.”

I refused the blond paramedic’s help and got to my feet. “I’m fine. Sorry to have bothered you.”

They left and I flopped onto my couch. I could only hope I’d never gone to North Vancouver and met my doppelganger. My phone rang, and I answered it. Dumb me, gone a bit from earth and I’ve forgotten some basics, like don’t answer every fricking call. 

“Emery, sweetie. I’ll be over in a few minutes to take you to the ‘Young Otters’ Fundraiser’”

Damn, that Frankie. “Ugh, about that…Something’s come up.”

“I’m a little hard of hearing… No, you don’t need to bring something,” and she ended the call. 

I banged the phone against the coffee table, and dropped it, when Frankie emerged from my bedroom. 

“Looks like I need to kill you or attend the fundraiser,” she said. With some relief I saw that she didn’t have a dagger in her hands. But she was standing closer to the kitchen, where I kept my knives. 

“If you kill me, then you’ll have to attend the fundraiser,” I said.

She put her hand on her chin in a way that’s annoyingly like me. “Since I know how much you love attending them, you go and afterwards I’ll kill you.”

“No, I’ll send them money, but I won’t attend one of their gala dinner banquets.”

She sighed. “Such a pity, and I’ve really warmed up Mrs. Sayward for you.”

That’s the woman’s name. “Look, can’t we be original, forgive the pun, and accept each other. I mean we could really help each other out down here on earth,” I said.

“You know that won’t cut it up there.” Frankie pointed her finger to the sky. “One of us has to die.”

I thought of the Michael Landon angel telling me I had to vanquish my doppelgänger. We’re facing each other. I don’t want to be killed and repeat my last episode up in purgatory. But I don’t want to kill my doppelgänger either. I want to be better than that. Plus its like a trick question in an exam. Do the murdereres of their doppelgängers really get to enter heaven? I kinda think not. 

There’s a knock on the door. “Just a minute, Mrs. Sayward. I’ll be right there,” Frankie called out in my voice, and then she turned and headed towards the kitchen. I envisioned those gleaming knives in the drawer, and pounced on her, but she shook me loose. 

“What’s going on in there. Are you with somebody?” Mrs. Sayward called out. So much for her being hard of hearing. 

I followed Frankie into the kitchen, and I know where she’s headed. “We’ve done this before. You can’t keep killing me.” She didn't pay me any attention, and she yanked open the drawer. 

She turned around with the knife in her hand and stepped towards me. 

Mrs. Sayward rattled the door handle. “Let me in!” 

“She’ll get the caretaker,” I said. 

“Coming. Just finishing up in the loo,” Frankie called out, and I giggled. The expression sounded funny coming from her, as it must coming from myself. 

My laughter caught her off guard, and her expression relaxed. In that moment, I took a deep breath and had a visual of the Michael Landon angel telling me to vanquish, not kill my doppelganger. Sure he showed me visuals of myself killing mosquitos but killing had been on my mind. Vanquish? What had I vanquished? Then it came to me and I knew what to do.

I faced my evil double, just like I’d learned with many baby steps to embrace my fear of closed off places. Frankie brandished the knife, but she saw the look in my eyes and knew she’d lost her power over me and the implement dropped out of her hand. 

I embraced her, breathing deeply, tentative and then wholeheartedly. A tear came to my eye when my doppelganger disappeared in my arms. 

I opened the door to Mrs. Sayward, and smiled. Who knew maybe my doppelganger had made me a better person after all.