SECRETS REVEALED

Dear mother and father,

   I know it looks and feels stupid to write letters to you since I do not know you and I'm even supposed to hate you for leaving me in an orphanage but I just want a connection with you two and since I don't know if I will ever know you, I guess in a way I am connecting with you through my letters. In my previous letters, I have always asked about you two but in this one I want to write about myself. I hope you will begrudge me this opportunity. Okay here goes nothing.

I've never been in a place so warm and welcoming. Not only was the place welcoming but the people living there were also warm and nice to me. They treated me like they've known me for an entire lifetime but it was just two months today since they set eye on me. 

   I have always been waiting for the time they will toss me away like rag since obviously I do not belong there with them but no matter how insolent I behave, they have not tossed me out instead their love has increased since the first day they met me and it is obvious in not only my adopted parents but also in my adopted siblings. When I came in and saw the love they showed me, I thought it was just a farce but since one can only pretend for so long before you get caught in the lie, I had to accept that they really loved me despite the fact that I was a total stranger. There was just a little problem, while everybody loved me and catered to all my needs both physically, mentally and emotionally, it was like they were doing it as a debt. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like they were treating me like a debt to be paid but there was guilt along with the love. In fact, my two months anniversary party that was planned to celebrate my joining my new family was more than about them than about me. I hope I am not confusing you guys but they are happier and more enthusiastic about it than I am. I guessed it was maybe because they liked throwing and attending parties but I recently found out that my elder siblings who are twins and in senior high have repeatedly declined invitations to parties since according to them it wasn't their fort. I am trying my best not to be worried since I know that one day the truth will come out. I am going to use my regular concluding sentence again "I love you guys even though I dislike you guys a little and I would love to understand more about why I was abandoned." Bye for now.    

                        Love and lots of kisses,

                      Your darling daughter, Sianna. 

I felt someone's hand close my eyes and my muscles tensed already in the fight or flight zone but I quickly deliberately relaxed since I knew that no one could harm me and focused on the mystery person behind me. I smelt aftershave and knew who it was as surely as I knew my own name,"Steve?"

He groaned making me smile and removed his hand from my eye, "How did you know?". 

I rolled my eye and answered," I know the smell of everyone's perfume and deodorants so....". I snapped my hand and he smiled.

He lost his smile and I knew I would not enjoy the next question" Why did you tense up when I covered your eye." He asked.

I groaned but answered"some things never leave your body system."

He smiled awkwardly and nodded as if he understood what I was talking about which he did.

Since I spent the first thirteen years of my life in an orphanage where it was rare to see someone who cared about anybody else since our main interest was survival, it was difficult to suddenly turn off the survival instinct because I'm in a safe place where I could no longer be harmed but I was trying my best though it was frustrating because I had thought by now it would have gone. Its been two whole years for God's sake. I relaxed my tense muscles again and pasted a smile on my face and turned to my older brother."

"Were you looking for me?". I asked with the fake smile still pasted on my face.

He touched my cheek and spoke tenderly but with rebuke, "you have forgotten that you cannot lie to me, little sister."

I sighed and nodded. " it's true that I've forgotten, sorry if I've offended you by trying to lie to you." I had never been able to deceive my brother whenever I was lying even though I may have gotten out of deceiving my parents and my sister.

"It's okay," he said and smiled easily but I could feel the tension emanating from him.

What's wrong? "I asked already tensing feeding from his tension.

"Mom and dad want to see you." He answered quietly.

"Why? Did I do anything wrong?". Try as I might, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that what I've always dreaded was coming true.

Steve took one look at me and said," Whatever you ate thinking right now, stop thinking it because it's not true"

"Okay." I replied trying to shut off my thoughts.

The next few moments before we got to the family room was torture to me as I tried to stop thinking about all manner of things that would happen to me when I get to the streets. My parents and older sister were in the family room and it was obvious that they had all cried since everyone's eyes were red. I couldn't stop myself as I ran to my parents. "Mom what's wrong? Why were you crying."

She promptly burst into tears again. I was scared because my mom wasn't such an emotional person and I held her as she wept while I tried to think of what bad news she just received. I looked at my father but he could not meet my eye. My mom calmed down enough to show me a paper. I collected the paper and read it and realised it a the letter I wrote to my still unknown parents. Suddenly the reason my mother was weeping came to me and so I tried to reassure her. "Mom and dad, you are not my biological parent but I love you as much as I would love my parents. My loyalty is to you guys as you guys are my real parent to me. To my amazement, my mom burst into tears. She then asked me" Did you mean what you wrote there? "

"I'm sorry but yes, I will not want to go home with my real parents but I was not able to turn off my love for them".

My mom started to talk but my father hushed her. He looked straight at me and said seriously," Sianna, we are your real parents."

I nodded immediately" I know, didn't I say that?" I asked.

He looked uncomfortable then said"What I meant to say was that we are your literal parents."

"What!!?". I screamed. Oh God, this could not be true, I will not believe this, I'm sure this must be a bad joke. I looked at my parents and saw that they were not joking. I looked at my siblings and their faces did not show confusion but relief as if it had been on their hearts for a long time.

"Both of you know?" I asked them. They both nodded. My God, this keeps on getting better and better."How long have you both known?". Before you came home, Stephanie, my older sister answered. I massaged my forehead as I felt an headache coming in, increasing in its intensity with every answer I was given.

"Let me explain", my mom said in a quiet voice." Sure, go on and please make the excuse reasonable. As soon as I said that, I knew that was disrespectful,"I'm sorry, mom". She waved away my apology and started in a monotone "When I got pregnant, everybody was so happy. We all awaited your birth with joy and we were all happy that there was going to be another child, another child to love and care for, her voice broke at this point but she forged ahead but for your father's half brother,Carson, she mentioned his name like it was a curse. I didn't want to interrupt but I was too curious" Where is he now? How come I've never heard of him before?"

"He was my half brother", my father replied." 

"Was?" I asked.

"Yes, he's dead now" Father replied. Before I could ask any other question Father picked up from where mother stopped. "Carson had always been jealous of me and he turned everything we did into a competition. He always believed that I was more loved than him and maybe it was true since Carson never learnt to be hard working. It is not good to speak I'll of the dead but my brother was lazy and a coward. I can't remember how many times he made me take the fall on something I didn't do but I did not complain because I loved him" he sighed then but continued"As a result of his hatred for me, he made it his personal mission in life to make me miserable. When I first took your mother home to my parents, he formed all sorts of lies about both of us so our parent will not accept her but since my parents knew the way he was, they ignored him and gave us their blessing. To say he was angry is an understatement, he was furious. When I saw his face I determined to make my home far away from where he was so we moved here, my parents understood since they also feared for us. After two years of marriage, the twins came but by then it had been three years that I had heard of my brother so I started feeling safe. Following our plan during our courtship, your mother got pregnant when the twins were five. Everything was going on smoothly until the day your mother and I went out for dinner leaving three of you in the hands of a nanny. When we came back, the nanny had been knocked out and you were nowhere to be found. We looked for you far and near and I've forever blamed myself for your disappearance. If only your mother and I were at home, you wouldn't have gone and you would never have experienced suffering in that orphanage" by now, tears were running down everybody's cheeks. I was filled with anger over how badly my parents were treated and anguish because of the injustice dine to me.

My Mother continued, " we did not know it was Carson until the following week when my father in law called us that Carson came to him and boasted about how he was going yo ruin our lives like we deserved. Carson was later found dead a day after you were taken from break failure when he was driving and that fueled our suspicion that he had you but we could not question him and no matter how much we searched, we did not find you or evidence that there was a baby there. By that time, we were not this well to do and so we could not hire a private investigator and so the only thing we could do was pray for your safety."

I wanted to both sob and rage against the world but I controlled myself. "How did you now find me?"

My mother answered" About eight years ago, we already had the money to hire the investigator and so we did. It wasn't until six years later that he found you and so we legally adopted you from the orphanage."

"But how did I end up in an orphanage?" I asked.

"It was later revealed that Carson did not act alone but with the aid of his friend. His friend got tired of Carson because of his high handed ways and got rid of him by tampering with his break. After the accident, he saw you and took you to the first orphanage he saw and cleaned up every evidence that there was a baby there" Father answered.

" How come he was not caught at that time" I asked confused.

Father laughed dryly, "turns out the friend was a police officer and was the first on the crime scene so his DNA was everywhere".

I couldn't imagine the amount of pain my parents had gone through, they had a child and were very happy and the nest moment, the child was lost to them. I went and hugged my parents saying," I forgive you". I could both hear and see the sigh of relief everybody gave.

Though I was taken from my parents as a baby, I was received back by them as an adolescent with love and joy. I somehow knew that I had found a place to belong and that nothing could ever take me away from there.