Graduation vacation

 I watched as Mom wrote something in her journal. This is what I saw.

                                               2016,5,10 

You were a senior that year. You asked me to pack your suitcase for your graduation vacation and told me the options so I knew what to pack for you. Your choices were Hawaii or Bali. You said your girlfriend was going to Bali and the boys were going to Hawaii. Hawaii with the boys or Bali with your girlfriend? I asked you which one you wanted to go, and you said Hawaii with the dudes but your girlfriend would get mad. You knew they hated each other's guts so trying to get them on the same trip was out of the question. That night, as you went to sleep, I thought about the choices. You snored loudly and I thought aloud. 

                                           5,11

The next day, I had no answer. As you dressed up for school, I thought about it more. After school, you looked unusually happy. You zoomed into your room and slammed the door. I peeked into the room and as you submitted your form, I spoke up and said, “I see you have a choice!” You jumped up, surprised to see me standing there. “ Yeah, Mom.” “Okay, well, I’ll start packing!” That night, while you waited for the approval letter from your school, I started packing. Suddenly, you looked sick. I looked at your screen and almost fainted myself. You’ve signed up for both trips, and both of them were accepted!  Then, you opened the door, ran out, and called your friends. 

  While you were gone, I quickly read your requirements for the sign-up and it turns out you might get disqualified if signed up for both trips. Then, I had an idea. I made a few phone calls, went to your school to sign some papers, went to find you, and picked you up. In the car, I asked you why you signed up for both trips. You hesitated but decided to tell me the truth. You thought one of them was going to be declined and then you could go to another with a truthful excuse, but things didn’t go as planned. “Well, it looks like you’re in luck!”  “I booked a flight for two to the Caribbean islands, called your girlfriend, and promised her a vacation this summer with just you and her!” You looked at me, stunned from the news. I nodded, signaling to you it was true.  

That night, you canceled the trip to Bali and contacted the boys about the great news. You celebrated all night eating chips and drinking soda until stomach problems showed. You sang in the bathroom, chanted in your bedroom, and hummed yourself to sleep. In the cold night air, there seemed to be a little light bulb of warmth. “I’ve done the right thing,” I told myself as I heard you sleeptalking about tropical islands and champagne. 

As the sky brightened, I looked at you through a peephole built when you were little. You had dark circles underneath your eyes but it seemed you didn’t care. Today, as you grabbed your coat, I noticed a handmade calendar probably counting down the days until the big trip. “That explains the dark circles,” I thought. “At least you’re happy.”  

The day at school was especially exciting for you, though when I asked you why you were so hyped, all you came up with was “I learned Math and Reading today!” “He’s a sick, sick boy,” I thought. Night eventually found its way and you ticked off a day from your calendar. Singing in the shower that night, you went to bed. I felt the usual emptiness of the king bed your father and I shared before he passed away, but tonight, I could feel his presence comforting my fears.

 I got up the next morning waiting for you with your favorite breakfast. Today is the day where you took graduation pictures. Also the day we visited your dad’s cemetery. “You look sharp today,” I said that morning. I kissed your chin, for I could only reach there now that you are two heads taller than me. “ But you need to shave.” You pretended to be frustrated, but I knew you were laughing hard inside. While you sang an unknown song in the restroom, I thought to myself, “There’s been a lot of singing, so I’m guessing it’s a great week so far. After school that day, we had a little picnic in the graveyard while we talked to your father. That day, you seemed like you’ve known him your whole life, but he passed away when you were three. You talked to him about your days at school, the two vacations coming up, and how you posed for the graduation pictures, sometimes letting a tear drop down while you talked. 

That night, I thought about the big day coming up next week. Having to leave the baby you once were behind, and leaving the grown man you now are for three weeks. “You’re going to have lots of fun,” I thought, “what could go wrong now?” 

5,27 

As I watched you board the plane, I waved one last time in weeks to my wonderful son. You didn’t seem to see me, but your girlfriend did and blew me a kiss. “A sweet girl, a really sweet girl,” I told her mother. I ran back to my car, knowing tears would escape as soon as I sat down. The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly. You called me a few hours later saying you were there. I could already hear the loud music through the phone. I wished you good luck and said good-bye. 

The next day, I encountered some exciting news. The plants you and I planted when you were little sprouted, and if that isn’t enough, your aunt had a baby and I went to help her. That night, I started to tell you about the exciting things, a tear slipped from my eye. I quickly changed the subject to the day you submitted both the forms to avoid more tears from not having you see the baby plant and human. By the end of the call, we were both laughing hysterically until my sides hurt. 

As the week went on, I started to grow weaker. First, my head felt heavy. Then, it started getting hard for me to breathe. As each day came, the sight of the finish line was more clear. At first, I didn’t tell you, but once the hospital got involved, I decided it was best you knew. The day I told you I had lung cancer, you told me you would come back ASAP, but I told you to enjoy the last few days of the vacation. I’ve always suffered from asthma, and lung cancer was just making it worst so I had to get surgery the day before you arrived. All went well but when we took the full-body X-ray, I found that my left leg was infected, so I had to cut it off.

The surgery was hard, and just to see you grow up a little more, I kept going. The day you arrived, you seemed overjoyed to see me. You hugged me and told me about the whole trip. Just as you wrapped up everything about swimming and eating cool foods, you asked me to take you to the nearest cafe and spend the beautiful afternoon with you and I said yes. You got up and was about to help me up to my legs when you noticed my feet. Well, foot now that I’ve lost the other one. You seem to not be surprised, and even started pushed my wheelchair, maybe because you didn’t know that my wheelchair was electric. We sat down and talked about our life. The different scenarios to get where we are today.

I’m just glad I have you, Mike. You are my everything.

Mom put her pencil down as a tear slipped out from my eyes. I quickly ran to my room, but a minute later, a kind old lady that I love so much wheeled her chair inside. She kissed me on my chin, her customized spot, and said, “you look sharp today. But you need to shave.” I laughed and squeezed her hand. “I love you, Mom.”