Reflection in Time

 A refreshing splash of cool water on my face, same time everyday, part of my early morning routine. Dabbing the towel to my face I looked in the mirror, is that a new wrinkle, or just a crease from the pillow? I leaned in for closer inspection, just a pillow crease. Not that another wrinkle would bother me, I am glad to have gotten to this age, against all odds, I survived. Funny how the reflection of my face in the mirror seems to change, I know over time I have aged, yet sometimes I still see all the younger versions of me looking back. The longer I stare, memories of all those years flood in. Good times, fun times, exhilarating times and occasionally the sad times.

 I often replay these events over and over, wondering, if it were possible to go back in time, knowing what I know now, would I do anything differently? If I did change anything, would it change anything about who I am today? I am glad it isn’t an option because I really like who I am today, I hold dear all the memories good and bad, all of them combined made me who I am. All those experiences taught me about life, people, and true value of living a happy and fulfilling life.

Learning this took a lot of trial and error, emotional growth is just as much a part of life as aging is. I remember when I first realized that timing is everything and not everything negative that happens, has a negative outcome, like the time I got in my car to go to the bank, and it wouldn’t start. I was so mad, thinking ‘oh come on, not now I can’t afford car repairs. After 20 minutes of fiddling with the engine, it started and I went to the bank, as I pulled in the parking lot, I saw police cars every where. I found out that it had been robbed 15 minutes earlier. Wow, I thought, if my car had started the first time, I might have walked in on the robbery, I might have startled the bank robbers and got shot. This reality put me on a path of looking at situations and events differently. I started to view life from the bright side, almost like a mystery to solve, what ever was happening to me, I had to search for the why? What was I learning this time, were negative situations just annoying moments that were actually protecting me from horrible things? Sometimes I discovered yes, sometimes I never found out, but I continued viewing life as an adventure and mystery to solve, rather than negative.  It made life less disappointing, like the time we put an offer in on a house we really wanted, but didn’t get, three months later we drove past it and it had burnt to the ground.  Or the time my husband didn’t get the job he applied for and then two days later was offered his dream job, a job he didn’t even know was available at the time, they called him.                                                                                           One time I had forgotten to trust in timing, and of all days for my husband to be late getting home from work. (this was in the days before cell phones) I was in tears because our refrigerator broke, we couldn’t afford another one, anyways he entered the house to find me crying, I shouted where were you? He replied that he had stopped in at a friend’s house to see his new kitchen renovations. This upset me even more, here we were, no fridge and his friend was getting a new kitchen. I continued to cry and asked how big the kitchen was, to make him almost 2 hours late, he laughed and said, “well it took a while to load his old fridge in the truck. As it turned out, not only was his old fridge only 3 years old, but it was also my dream fridge, black, 2 door, freezer on the left, fridge on the right. He had replaced all the appliances with stainless steel versions.                                   Over the years we have experienced hundreds of situations like this and for the most part, trusted in the timing instead of being frustrated.

Time is a strange concept; it has many sayings that prove this. Time is money, time after time, time of your life, time waits for no one, time flies when you are having fun, time is the most valuable thing a man can spend, time is the wisest counselor of all, time is an illusion. There are dozens more but there is ones that stand out strongly for me are in reference to birth- IT’s TIME! and death, ‘It’s not my time.’ ‘gone before his/her time.’ I think these effect me so deeply because I have been surrounded by a multitude of births, as a labour coach and by deaths of many family members, as well as cheating death 3 times myself.                     Over the years I have seen the passing of both of my in-laws, both of my parents, my sister, and my youngest son. I noticed that when people speak of older ones passing, they say “it was their time” but for the young they say “gone before their time”. In my situation, each time the doctors said I was going to die, and I didn’t, people would say “I guess it wasn’t your time.” I always found these references to be odd, almost as if everyone had the exact amount of allotted time on the planet and didn’t stick to the plan.

I see the reflection of the sun rise in the mirror now, another day has begun for me, I guess what I am trying to point out really is, that the time is now!   Life isn’t short, it’s the longest thing you will ever do. Nobody knows how much time they have, but no matter how much time that is, make it time well spent. Learn about your life, the good times, the bad times and the weird times. You can not always control what happens in your life, but you control your attitude about it. So go ahead, enjoy your time on earth, do all the things you want to do, don’t be concerned about the destination, it’s all about the journey. Don’t be concerned about what others think, as long as you are not harming anyone, just do what makes you happy. The only one who can see the whole reflection in the mirror, is You.