Alexandra

“Hideous!” My mother screamed at me furiously.

“I can’t believe you thought that!” My father screamed, equally as mad, as he grabbed the mirror and slammed it to the ground, breaking it into what seemed more than 1,000 pieces. I looked down at each little piece and tried to see if there was any part I could put back together, blocking out their yelling.

The mirror was supposed to be there to reinforce our flaws, but instead, they had caught me looking at myself in the mirror with a small smile as if I believed I was pretty. 

That wasn’t allowed. We were monsters. I was a monster.

We weren’t pretty.

***

All my life, all I’ve heard is that I’m ugly. That’s what all parents tell their kids when they're born: “we’re monsters, we’re ugly. Don’t try to trick yourself into thinking otherwise.” It’s how their generation was raised, how our generation was raised, and how the next generation will be raised. It’s tradition.

Believing you were pretty was taboo in our society. If someone heard you say that or noticed a little “you’re beautiful” scribble on your notebook, they’d shame you and ignore you. They even said that if you tried to tell others they were pretty, the government agents would take you away.

Genuinely believing you were pretty was like believing pigs could actually fly, which we all know, they don’t.

So when my parents noticed me smiling at myself in the mirror, they freaked out. The only time that was ever recorded was in a fiction book named On The Wall - the most famous book in society. I can guarantee everyone has at least two copies of it in their house. In it, the antagonist, valiant Bao Wang, starts to believe he’s beautiful. He tries to tell the society that they are too and starts a revolution - but the government agent Danko, the good guy, shuts it all down and kills Bao. He brings the society back to order and everyone’s happy again.

The ending made me mad. I liked Bao.

 But of course, I could never tell anyone about that - they’d think I was a psychopath and arrest me just in case I tried to start some sort of revolution.

It all changed when I met a girl named Alexandra. It was an uncommon name. In our sector, it was illegal to name your child that, but since she had moved here, she was an exception. They didn’t like what it meant: Helper; defender of mankind. Somehow, it was a threat.

Alexandra was very different from other girls in our grade. We all always wore one braid in our hair. She wore two. The first time I talked to her, I remember I asked her,

“Alexandra, why are you wearing two braids?”

“Because I want to.”

“Okay, Alexandra.”

We didn’t talk again until the next day. She sat next to me in the auditorium when the teacher said we had to team up in pairs. Even though I didn’t say anything and neither did she, we both knew we were partners, and because of that project, we quickly became friends. 

We were ten years old when we met. By now, we were fourteen, and we were still friends. We didn’t really talk much, and when we did, we didn’t understand each other’s points of view most of the time, but we liked each other’s companies. We were cold opposites, but we found a balance somewhere in between both of us. It was a refreshing friendship.

That morning we had arrived to the auditorium early before the main lecture had started. We both sat beside each other, a comfortable silence that we didn’t mind between us. 

“You know something?” She suddenly asked me that day.

I shook my head. “Tell me, Alexandra.”

“I think that you’re very, very pretty,” she told me without checking if anyone was around. She had a huge smile and her two braids were bobbing as she gently rocked herself on her chair.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t let out my breath of anguish until I know we’re safe and it becomes one of relief. I didn’t hear any gasps or angry remarks, so we must’ve been alone. I just hoped I was right.

 I could’ve scolded her or said “me? Please!” But I came up with a much better reply.

“You like Bao, right?” I knew what her answer would be. She was like me.

“He’s the secret of the book. Once you read it enough times, you realize he’s no antagonist.”

“He’s the protagonist?”

“Just like us,” she replied.

***

That day, before the main lecture began, I walked up to the stage. All my classmates were already seated, as I had arrived later than usual that day. I scanned the faces to see if I could somehow or someway see Alexandra, but she was dead. That’s why I was doing this. For her, and for me.

Because protagonists stuck by each other.

“Hello?” I said loudly into the microphone to the one hundred kids in front of me. I straightened my back, determined to do this - it might be the last thing I might ever do, so I might as well do it right.

They all faced me, but I didn’t focus on the two-hundred pair of eyes staring at me. Instead, I thought about what was right. What Alexandra, Bao, and I were all fighting for.

“Yesterday, Alexandra died,” I spoke clearly into the microphone. All attention was on me - the auditorium was deadly quiet. “She died because she told me I was pretty.”

I heard gasps from the audience and a couple of people saying they should call a teacher, but I ignored it.

“She died because she thought I was pretty. She died because she was truthful. Because she stood up. Because she wasn’t afraid. And honestly? I need to be truthful as well.”

I cleared my throat.

“I think you’re all pretty.”

I heard shouting and yelling come from the audience as soon as I said this. I could see a teacher, already running towards the stage, with three government agents behind him, but it would be hard for him to get here with all the panicked students running around. I had around a minute.

“After you pass this stage of shock, you’ll probably realize that me calling you pretty made you feel good. So why are we calling each other ugly every day and making everyone feel bad instead of making everyone feel good?”

I hear a couple of people shout words of agreement, which actually kind of surprised me. I still had around thirty seconds left before the agents got here.

“It’s all a scam! It’s the government trying to make you insecure so we never stand up to them! It’s so they have eternal power and we never get a say!” I said, a little desperately. I needed them to understand that we needed a change as Alexandra taught me. 

I had ten seconds.

“Stand up, friends,” they were already on the stage and were running towards me. “It’s time for a change-” I felt two men put their hands on my arms, dragging me away, leaving the whole class agitated. 

I know what they’re going to do. They’re going to kill me. But I did what I needed to do. Now, hopefully, they do what they need to do.

As the men drag me away, I say my last words looking up at the ceiling. I feel like I did the right thing, and now, I just need closing.

“I think I’m pretty. So are you, Alexandra.”