The Coward

Fear had ruled her life. 

To be specific, one fear, caused by a simple stab wound, two more centimeters to the left, and she would have been gone. Countless battles, adventures, and knowledge yet to be found, all worthless under the eyes of the unforgiving darkness. The dread of death had gripped her, pulled her to find a solution that would heal this disease that was present in every living thing's body. 

She wasn’t the first to find a solution to this ever-present conundrum, but she had decided she was going to be the one to solve it. She doesn’t know how long she searched, how much longer she would’ve searched, till she met the first part of the answer; Sage. A boy, young in age and old in mind. He was intelligent and frankly unchallenged in his ability to draw information out of others. Sage had been able to convince the most tight-lipped informant to divulge just that little bit more information that had led them to the ultimate solution. 

The ritual itself was surprisingly simple, a potion with common herbs, a few crystals, an incantation, and a sacrifice to the void that claimed every living thing. 

In the years that followed, she liked to blame the devil, Sage himself, or even that damn void; but as the years passed she’d come to accept that the only thing that caused her to do evil had been herself. Sage would’ve been the perfect evil to hide in his unsuspecting form, but the boy’s only flaw had been hubris, her’s had been fear.

The fire had been lit, the herbs burned, the potion drunk. The fire cast shadows over their faces and caused the crystals to become more otherworldly and star-like in appearance. As soon as the final foreign words had left her mouth; the air changed. Sage had looked at her excitedly, it was working. Then the voice spoke. 

It sent knives through her ears and chills up her spine. Unlike any other sound, she had heard before. No matter how long had passed she could remember the way her ears had run with blood. Yet, not even seconds after the ritual she had completely forgotten what exactly it had sounded like, like the voice was too much to sit in her brain for long. The voice hadn’t requested much and spoke simply. Asking her of her desires and what she was willing to do to accomplish them. Sage had stood to the side, taking notes as the blood from his ears stained the notebook. Finally, it asked for the sacrifice, the final aspect of the ritual. It had to be something she cared for, and in the end, they had decided on her pet. However, even after she had stained her knife with its blood and her tears the void had not been satisfied. In hindsight, eternal life would cost more than a well-trained dog. 

"Kill the boy" 

She did. 

After, when power had run through her veins like electricity and she cradled his body in her arms, she’d convinced herself that it had been a tough decision, that the voice had to convince her. The truth of the matter was much more horrifying; she hadn’t hesitated. 

Her life had continued much as it had before. She had fought battles in wars, and walked out unscathed, enjoyed the battle as one enjoys a game of draughts. Yet, one can only play a game so many times before it loses its appeal. Battles between the kingdoms had seemed so much more important when a tyrannical leader may have led to her death, but after, well the fear had faded. As the years passed she’d learned that kingdoms fell and rose no matter the wills of those who lived there. She had watched hero's rise from the ashes and become ashes themselves. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing except her. Of course, any historian could explain the cyclical nature of history, everything always leading back to itself. It’s the law of nature. She supposes that’s why she hadn’t been surprised to see Sage again. She watches history repeat, just as she watches Sage be reborn about every lifetime. 

The first time he had been reborn, she had nearly floated, such a heavyweight being lifted from her shoulders. She had realized then just how alone she’d been without him. Of course, the universe hadn’t simply given her the boy back for her own clear mind, no. He was there to serve his purpose, to balance out the scales. 

It was his first time back, and he had pricked her with a needle by accident. A simple mistake made when one is learning to sew, no, the accident hadn’t been the issue. The problem had been the bead of red that had appeared thereafter. Her own life force that she hadn’t seen in years. She’d drained him of his. 

She wasn’t sure how long it had been that first time, she’d stopped keeping track mere centuries after the ritual, but it seemed as though finally her cowardness had snapped. For so long it seemed that her focus had been shifted to the overall when all at once it moved to the present, the now, the things she could touch. She could just barely remember that this is how she had looked at the world when death had taunted her. She just knew that one day, suddenly from one second to the next, she hadn’t wanted to be alone any longer. 

How could someone who had made the same mistake for as long as she had even begun to make oneself worthy of others she didn’t know. All she knew was that she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt the warmth of anything other than a fire. 

She started small. She couldn’t trust herself, her hands nor her fear, to do much more. When he reappeared she left him alone. Moved across the world to avoid Sage. It had been torture knowing that there was something in this world that could harm her, could send her to the inky void. She had done it though and stayed far away from him. Ever since that first step of simply allowing him to exist, something about the world had seemed much more important. 

She took many, many, small steps after that. So much time had passed that she was near positive that she was the oldest thing in the universe, and yet this was the first time that she had let him touch her, a small handshake. 

One day. One day she could have him as a companion, and sometime after that perhaps she could think of him as a son, as she had so long ago. Much later after that she would also accept her punishment, have him send her to the darkness as he would no doubt wish to after she confessed her crimes. Till then, she shook Sage’s hand before quickly pulling away, and resumed feeding his craving for knowledge.