~Beyond Reason~

~Beyond Reason~

“WE’RE LATE!” Barked Mr. Portis from the pilot seat. “LET’S GO!” His assistants, code named Will and Grace entered the black helicopter and they left the Brownsville, Texas airport headed for the Mexican border. Grace was surprised Mr. Portis was such an accomplished pilot as he explained how he could easily fly under the radar and enter Mexican airspace undetected. Portis, Will and Grace had come all the way from Langley Air Force Base together. It was unseasonably hot and she was extremely uncomfortable, still in her office attire of button up blouse, pencil skirt and heels. She was weary and hoped they were close to their so far undisclosed destination. But four hours later, after fruitlessly searching the Mapimi section of the Chihuahuan desert in Mexico, Grace was worried. Her calm demeanor contradicted an internal fear of not surviving the day. A fear stemming more from instinct than deduction. Still, it was palpable. On paper, this new job was the opportunity of a lifetime. But so many little things were off. And Mr. Portis, though he put forth a reasonable front of normalcy, had a dark and disturbing presence. The glaring scar on his face didn’t help. The relentless cacophony of the chopper’s engines and the oppressive heat made her wonder, What am I doing here? From the back seat she said, “According to these reports sir, this desert is unnavigable. No compass or electronics will work here.”

           Portis had to speak loud over the chopper’s din. “I know that. That’s why they call it the Zone of Silence.”

           In the front seat, Will also had misgivings. “Looks like we’re close to running out of gas, Your Highness.”

           “Goddammit, don’t call me that in front of Grace. I like this one. I want to keep her.”

           Only hearing her name over the noise, Grace said, “Pardon me, sir?”

           He ignored her and said, “I’d better just go ahead and land.”

           That sounded like a bad idea to Will. “But we don’t know where we are.”

           Portis laughed. “Sure we do. We’re right here.”

           They exited the chopper. Except for a distant mountain to the south that mysteriously wasn’t visible from the air, the desert was arid and empty in all directions. Will offered Portis an Army issue canteen. “Give the water to Grace. I want to keep her alive and coherent.”

           What an odd thing to say thought Grace. She drank the warm stale water greedily.

           A short time later Portis caught sight of a smoke plume in the far distance. He pointed. “There, a vehicle heading this way. They have spotted us and should be here in an hour or two.”

           They...Who? This whole jaunt made no sense. Portis didn’t like questions, but in a moment of candor, Grace took a risk and asked Portis directly. “Why are we out here, sir?”

           “Well, if I tell you Grace, I’ll have to kill you.” He laughed. “Hey, Grace. Fuck it. I like you and we have some time to kill. Besides, my human identity is shit now. (Human Identity?) I’m officially raising your clearance level to tell you this story. Now don’t freak out when I do this.” Portis shed his human countenance and displayed his true appearance. Covered by bluish, rock-like scales, just his breadth and height, let alone his protruding stony face, were enough to scare the bejeezus out of a normal person. His clothes shredded and fell to the ground revealing not only his rocky body, but also his massive penis and scrotum. The only part of his anatomy covered with leathery skin instead of his natural armor. Overwhelmed, Grace couldn’t help but stare at it. Portis was used to her reaction. “Forget it, Grace. You wouldn’t survive.”

           Feeling a bit embarrassed, Grace seated herself comfortably on the edge of the chopper’s open side door. She sipped water from the canteen and tried not to ogle her boss’s dick. “Grace, have you ever heard of the Anunnaki?”

           “Of course, sir. Ancient Gods of Sumeria. Generally accepted to be alien in origin. Became extinct around the time of the Great Flood.”

           “Not extinct, Grace. Let’s say endangered. You are looking at the last one in this solar system.”

           “Every alien reference says the same thing. Anunnaki are all dead.”

           Portis laughed. “All but me.” He seemed lost in thought for a moment and then resumed talking. “You of course know of the Nephilim race, don’t you?”

           “The Fallen Angels from the Bible? Not that much, sir.”

           “Now that you know who I really am Grace, you may call me Your Highness. The Nephilim, or Fallen Angels as you called them, were a non-corporeal, worthless actually, race of beings from another galaxy. Interlopers if you will. They didn’t want to miss out on Earth’s abundant natural resources after the early wars and sent emissaries to claim a share from the other alien races. Supposedly as they approached Earth, they would slow the vibrational frequency of their atoms and voila, they acquired mass and became physical beings. The interesting thing about it was that as spiritual entities, they were quite advanced and,” He made air quotes. “Moral. But once they became flesh and blood, all bets were off. All they wanted to do was fuck humans, kill things, and drink blood. As you can imagine, they weren’t very popular given the lifestyle they chose.”

           “So by the time the Ice Age came along, we Anunnaki were very disgruntled. Some of the other alien races had become a pain in the ass. They wanted to give rights to humans and they insisted on preserving the ecology of Earth. Our own slaves, the Sasquatch, were in open rebellion. The leader and strongest of the Nephilim was named Lucifer. He came to us with a plot to destroy the humans and take back Earth from the other alien assholes we were forced to share with. It was a solid plan and would have worked if not for those fucking Errans and their Sight.” He made air quotes again. “They saw it coming and used a network of thirteen supercomputers to disable our technology. The Blue Crystal Skulls. You’ve heard of them?”

           “Yes Sir. But I assumed it was folklore.”

           “Call me Your Highness, remember? Don’t forget again. (This is getting too weird.) No. Not folklore. Well, anyway, our plans went to shit and all of the Anunnaki and Nephilim were executed. All except me and Lucifer. We escaped from the Errans. I went underground to live with the Reptilians and Lucifer disappeared. As is destiny for my royal bloodline, I came to rule that Reptilian clan. Historically we are often mistaken for them because they did all of our grunt work.” (Wow! He really believes the royalty crap.) He went on. “I spent thousands of years working to steal Earth back from the humans. But they multiply so fast. My shapeshifting Reptilians infiltrated their society. For hundreds of years through the Middle Ages, we were the ruling class in England and most of Europe. Even today Reptilians are plugged in and have serious influence in governments, finance, and the industrial complex. This is all thanks to me and I get no credit. But that goddamn network of the thirteen Erran Crystal Skulls has always kept us at bay. They disable our technology. You see?”

           Grace nodded yes but thought, No. This makes no sense at all and it’s so incredibly hot.

           Portis had been so absorbed that he didn’t notice Will had fallen asleep lying in the sand. He kicked Will brutally in the side, prompting a wince from Grace. “You’re listening. Right, Grace?”

           “Yes Sir…I mean…Your Highness.” 

           “Good.” Will was curled up like a baby on the ground, groaning softly. Portis kicked him again hard in the back. Writhing in pain, Will’s human appearance faded. Belying his human form, he stood defiantly, revealing a Reptilian body.

           Grace drew a sharp breath. So startled by his transformation that she felt her perception of reality beginning to slip. What the hell is happening?         

           He stood an even 6’3” with a muscular but slender build and hardened spikes forming from his upper arms and extending around his neck as if he wore a Medici collar. Like the ability to shapeshift, a genetic feature found exclusively in Reptilians with royal bloodlines. He realized he’d been suppressing his nobility far too long.

           Portis demanded, “Grace, uncross your legs and pull up your skirt.” An unexpected and unsettling order but seeing how quickly things could go south, she did so without hesitation. Portis continued his story. “This worthless piece of shit that I call Will was born in 1860. He was given to me as a gift by a clan of Reptilians seeking favor. I named him Falstaff. You know, the funny guy from Shakespeare.” She nodded. (How can I get out of this surreal ordeal? Keep acting submissive.) She spread her legs a little. “In spite of centuries of my best efforts, humans continued to grow and advance. I organized many clans of Reptilians. For hundreds of years I went after the Erran computer network. My plan was to destroy them and take back control of the Earth. Well, it didn’t work out Grace. Not at all. I barely survived myself. They have that Sight, and they were always ready for me. Truth be told, the Errans look like sissy boys with their white hair and pale skin, but they’re pretty fucking tough. Then in 1887 Lucifer showed up again. He had been masquerading as a human for quite a while. He came to me with an interesting plan. He had figured out the schedule of the Erran’s holy time they called ‘The Transcending’. It was mostly in the summer of the eighth year of each decade.”

           Keep it together. Act Interested. Grace asked, “Why the eighth year?”

           Portis enjoyed the question. “It’s their religious time, like Hannukah for the Jews or Catholics not eating fish on Fridays, I guess. But then, in every thirteenth cycle of their Transcending, they do year nine instead of year eight. It makes no sense really. Anyway, during this time they fast and meditate and turn off their organic computers called Crics, used for defense. They’re sitting ducks. With a well-trained force of Reptilians, I could easily kill a Erran and take his Crystal Skull and Cric. We would wait to decide randomly who to attack every ten years, which put a real damper on the Errans using the Sight to escape us. You see where it’s going? Wipe them out, acquire all of their computers and get our technology back. At the same time, as the twentieth century progressed, Lucifer, I call him Lucy, became a government official and worked his way up through the ranks. By 1957 he was very powerful, became Director of the Men in Black, created NASA II and put me in charge. Now we had all the resources of the United States government at our disposal. I put Will on the books and hired a personal assistant. (He’s just rambling now. Stay engaged.) I gave them the code names George and Gracie. I loved George Burns and his show. Everything went well for decades. I think it was about the year 2000 when I changed the code names to Will and Grace. I really enjoyed that show too. That girl in it, Megan Mullally, was great. The things I would like to do to her before killing and eating her.” Grace tried to hide her horror but still dropped the canteen. (Oh my God, is he going to kill and eat me? This is insane.) So anyway, in 2008 we go for the Erran, Malachi, and the twelfth Crystal Skull. And from out of nowhere, this witch and some commandos show up and, let’s just say we only got away with his Cric. Then last July we went for the thirteenth Crystal Skull but those Hybrid bastards completely fucked up our mission. They got to the Skull and Cric first and we’ve been chasing them ever since. And now that debacle between our Special Forces and those Indian Hybrids on the Hopi Reservation. They wiped out 60 of our best soldiers. Put it all together and that’s the reason we’re here. I was actually called to Washington DC for a reprimand. The Congressional Ethics Committee got wind of our skullduggery and now NASA II and my whole human guise have gone to hell in a handbasket.” He looked at Will. “Whatever made you think we could take out that Hopi bitch and twenty of her Star Children on restricted Indian land?”

           Will pointed at him. “It was your idea.”

           “True,” said Portis. “But you tried to take credit for it and you organized it. Your such a disappointment to me. As a matter of fact Will, I don’t like you at all right now.”

           Will looked squarely at Portis thinking, “Why do I always take the heat, get the blame?” Over a century of abuse. He declared, “Fuck you, Enkurial, Lord and Keeper of Divine Laws!” And he spit on the ground. This had been too long coming.

           Portis’ nostrils flared and his eyes flashed angrily. “You dare speak my sacred name in front of a human?”

           Will had been given to Portis at a very young age as an offering from the Renum Certus contingent of his clan. In some desperate way he had always looked upon Portis as a father figure. Sadly, Portis treated Will like a stooge and taunted him more often than not. Enough! Without considering the possible consequences, Will’s talons ripped through the ends of his fingers. With a loud hiss, he lunged forward.

           His assault was futile. Anunnaki were virtually invulnerable. Portis laughed at the attack as he put one hand around Will’s neck and lifted the Reptilian’s body off the ground. Will grabbed for the eyes, but Portis caught his wrist and ripped the offending arm from its socket, tossing it to one side. Then he punched Will in the chest with his massive fist, cracking bones and sending Will’s body a good forty feet through the air and into the hot sand. There was no movement and Portis felt a twinge of regret. Thinking back over the many decades Will had served him made him realize he may have acted rashly…Oh well. He turned to Grace, who was hyperventilating at this point. “Easy, girl. You’re my new Will except you’re still Grace.” He laughed at his own absurd joke.

           Grace tried to force a smile as she pleaded silently, What is this Purgatory I’ve fallen into? Mother Mary. Help me!  

           A Hummer was now in view and driving toward them. When it arrived Grace felt some solace. Two U.S. soldiers in full uniform exited, nodded acknowledgement to her presence and saluted Mr. Portis.

 I might survive this demented nightmare after all.