Gentleman Joe.....

"Hey, big fella! What have you got there?" Gentleman Joe looked at the clear plastic bag his son, Joe Junior, was holding. "It's Guppies! They have live babies. I won the family day raffle. We have to get them a fish tank. Mum said."

Gentleman Joe inwardly groaned. He had finally married later in life, being wed to the beautiful Marie. He was now a loving grey nurse, who had sired Joe Junior, their twelve year old heir to their non-billions.

Gentleman Joe wondered how much an expedition to forage at the pet shop was going to cost. He worked online as a counselor these days. Marie was a night nurse, a nursing manager of a geriatric facility. Their marriage was rubbing along, ships passing in the early morning, working different hours.

Their household already had one too many pets. That was Gentleman Joe's private opinion. Marie's great love of her life was Hercules. He was a tiny, but hairy, white and fluffy Pomeranian.

Hercules was Marie's pride and joy, always at her side. He spent hours snoring on the double bed, if not on Gentleman Joe's pillow. Hercules looked so adorable, tiny and cute. But his mini teeth and personality made Hercules believe he was inner fang.

Hercules had never quite accepted Gentleman Joe's ranking as the dominant male of the wolf pack of life. Gentleman Joe was too tolerant to say anything, he did not rock the boat. This graying male nurse was regarded as a true gentleman, after all.

Thus, well informed on Guppies' needs and requisites, Gentleman Joe switched off his computer. The two Joes took themselves off to the pet store, straight to the aquariums. To equip the new Guppy family meant purchasing a very costly tropical paradise. Plus all the hoses, trimmings, filters, fish weeds, fish food, fish tank pebbles and sand, fish tank, and the tank heating system.

Gentleman Joe's treasured ambition for an early retirement had taken another hiding, due to this retail therapy. Still, Marie had given him instructions, so he obeyed. "Don't rock the boat," he told himself. His still shapely wife was the star of spring chickens.

Arriving home, after much googling, the impressive fish tank was up and bubbling. It was filled with a beautiful display, and two Guppies. They were supposed to breed, so they did. The larger Guppy was the female. Joe Junior named her "Whale'. They swam forth and multiplied.

It was all quite biblical. The smaller Guppy was the motile one. Gentleman Joe wondered if he could start giving away Guppy puppies, maybe include Hercules as a job lot. The pesky canine was now trying to sink his fangs into his ankle. Again. It was feeding time at the zoo.

Marie had left the building for her night duty. Gentleman Joe fed his son, Hercules and the Guppies. The fish thrills definitely seemed to be multiplying at an alarming rate.

The weeks rolled by. Nothing too bad had happened by one Friday night. It was boys' night. Marie worked, doing the nursing. Joe Junior was allowed to have a little dude over for a sleepover, where sleep was a distinct misnomer.

Gentleman Joe did not expect the lads to sleep that much. That was blind optimism. A sleepover consisted of movies, pizza, fizzy drinks, Marie's lolly stash, and staying awake most of the night, playing ghosts with torches, and telling dirty jokes.

Gentleman Joe always hosted his men's club on Friday night. This meant he and his adult dudes' funday Friday included four mature males. They ate pizzas, drank cans of fizzy alcohol, smoking was permitted for them, while playing cards, eating lollies and telling slightly dirty jokes. It was positive and supportive, sharing their journey, still talking about all the great things they could do.

"Male bonding is very important," Gentleman told himself. By the time Marie arrived home in the morning light, Joe Junior and his mate would have finally collapsed. Her lolly stash was decimated. Gentleman Joe and Hercules would be snoring in unison. All lolly papers, pizza boxes and empty cans would be in the appropriate waste containers, surfaces would have been wiped down until spotless, ash trays would be washed and placed back in the cupboard.

Peace would reign supreme. No, Gentleman Joe would never rock the boat. He believed nurses were capable beings, who could do just about everything. They were fully integrated human beings. Just ask them.

However, on this particular Friday night, Joe Junior and the other little dude sneaked off with a can of grog. Sniggering quietly, they poured the booze into the Guppies' aquarium, brimming with adult and juvenile Guppies.

The two junior boys headed off to bed, full of fun and smiles. As the big boys played their poker games, in the silent fish tank, it was a massacre. The can of alcohol was filtrating nicely, and set off a feeding frenzy. Bigger Guppies ate their puppies, secretly. Not one card fan noticed.

As the 'boys' were wandering home via the front door, their designated driver alerted Gentleman Joe. "Hey, Joe, what's with the fish? They've vanished!" Backlit, bubbling, filtering, thermostat controlled, the tank looked empty.

The "Whale' was suspiciously hovering near the surface, not too lively, with her belly distended. Gentleman Joe gazed at the demise of all that inbreeding. It had been hell for all the Guppies in the their tank. Only a few fins remained, floating with some scum.

The 'boys' stood and stared, amazed. Hercules woke up and hovered, lifting his lips to display his fangs, lethal weapons. "Best get another species. Whale ate every little Jonah," one of the 'boys' suggested. "Yes, these are biblical times," another male declared. "guess we are all sinners in the eyes of the Lord."

Gentleman Joe sent them home. He cleaned up, as was normal after his card nights. He wondered how he could explain this to Joe Junior and Marie in the morning. He could imagine another tour of the pet store, buying some fish that were not cannibals.

Hercules yapped, only once. He and Gentleman Joe wandered into the back yard. There they both piddled on the lemon tree, it was their only male bonding. Urine provided good nutrients for citrus, this is what Gentleman Joe believed. It was definitely a 'dick' thing.

Gentleman Joe and Hercules contemplated being males, and went to bed. There, on Gentleman Joe's pillow, was a note. He read, "Reminder Dad: you are awesome!"

Joe Junior kept his secrets too, especially about booze in the fish tank. He too had learnt never to rock the boat. Chip off the old man. "We have all the time in the world, " thought Gentleman Joe.

A reader might say it was a good year for the lemons, just not for the Guppies!