The Chance

Being in love is a sickness. Being in love is a plague.

A plague which raids the mind filling it with far distant fantasies one could dream of. Silly placeholders of dopamine excretions until said individual gets their heart “broken”. 

Yet, for the most part, we choose to let it wander. We choose, to let it swarm and take over us in its entirety. Sentimentality for objects is one thing but heart palpitations for somebody that you truly adore and admire is rather beautiful. A special longing.

Perhaps she already saw through my act. 

Already questioned why there was a crate of wine glasses and I submissively blamed Kiandra for wanting us to act more “civilized” instead of our regular wooden jugs. Talk about a terrible excuse. 

The air was thick with its salt infested smell that pretty much everyone got used to now. Occasional seagulls cried out which felt as if they too were waiting. Watching. Not my fault I was trying to quiet the wild pounding of my heart and the many what ifs of what could go wrong.

Thankfully the weather didn’t bail on me because it wouldn't have been a preferred wedding to her or our crew if it were in the middle of a rainstorm. Unless, she was a dramatic rain kinda chick. Should I have known this?

Who’s to say I was prepared now? I’m just a scared crew member who’s getting married at sea right after said proposal which I have yet to do. Ever since we set sail I’ve been slightly regretting asking Mayars, our captain, to have my wedding on board.

“Ye’re not gettin cold feet there are ya mate?” Dave says, startling me.

Was I getting cold feet? Sat through Samuel’s wedding before which was also on a ship and he was acting nervous as well. Pretty much the same right? No. I loved her. Loved her since the day she became part of our crew and saw me puking for the third time in a row. “What? No, I’m going to propose to her. Cold feet? Psh, what’s that,”

“Ya know, ya remind me of my wedding,”

“Awh how swe-” 

Midway through I turn from him and puke once more out into the vast sea.

“Puking up a storm now huh?” he chuckles.

“Shut. Up,” I say wiping my mouth.

Turning away again I glance over the entire ship. To my surprise it was actually pretty neat and tidied.

“Yup, word got out pretty quick y'all were getting married. But I’ll tell you your gonna have it big time if you back out now,”

“Dave is right,” Kiandra says walking over.

I roll my eyes at her. She looked rather clean and kept today than the rest of the crew, probably because she takes any event we do seriously. Her face suddenly contorted in a hasty manner while looking amongst our ship as well.

“You know, if you don’t do your lil proposal soon my brother gonna steal ya girl right?

Perplexed, I followed her line of gaze which first landed on Xavier then Amelia both talking to each other.

“Xavier? What would he do?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed his flirten to the gals,” she whispers, leaning in closer. “Rumour has it he’s been sneaking off with Calix into the captain’s cabin when he ain’t there,”

Before I could process any of the sudden info Kiandra shoves me in Xavier and Amelia’s direction. Both Dave and Kiandra give encouraging looks as I make my way to the two. Couldn’t be possible. Xavier already knew of the wedding. He wouldn’t go out stealin Amelia, most likely wanting to put me on edge.

“Ya think I should talk to Calix more?” Xavier asks questioningly.

“Depends, do you really love her?” Amelia says.

“Of cour-”

“Then wouldn’t you like your relationship to be more than something quick in cap’s cabin?”

Xavier pauses for a second then notices me coming towards them.

“Hey loverboy! We were just talking about each other's love lives,” he says, elbowing my side.

Didn’t want to listen to Xavier’s boring mockery or teasing of the wedding either, so I try getting Amelia alone. Besides if she already knew, wouldn’t she have inquired about it?

“Amelia, may we uh talk for a bit? Maybe walk on over to the quarterdeck?”

“Sure, what for?” she asks.

“Hey, hey, hey, why not I come along? It’s not like y’all gonna talk about anything secretive right? Don’t hide from a buddy,” Xavier says teasingly.

“Just wanted to have some private time with Amelia,” I spat. Now I know he is trying to get on my nerves. Amelia looks between the both of us, sighs, then grabs my arm as she makes her way to the quarterdeck. Xavier watches us smugly from behind but, perhaps I was imagining it, a hint of awe danced around his expression. Somewhere in there, he wants this too.

“So, why do you want me here?” she asks.

“Oh nothing just wanted to admire the sunset for a bit,” I say looking past to the shoreline and the descending sun.

She chuckles and laces her fingers in mine. This is all I needed. Her. The sweetness of her gracing voice, her love, and acceptance. Nothing more.

Eventually after some small talk, my knee makes its descent as well.

Sure love can fail in fact, I’m a firm believer in the small chance of any relationship failing. Not saying I opt for it but it’s better to acknowledge the possibility of it than ignoring it completely. Love can be dangerous. Love can be hard. Love has the ability to corrupt our eyes and vision of reality. But that just adds to the elegant complexity of it. Good or bad if we dare to let our hearts dream, who knows where we’ll end up. We won’t always get the chance.

Glistening tears began to pool next to her eyes, hands on her mouth almost not accepting the situation to be real.

“Yes!” she cried.

Surprisingly, Xavier is the first to let out a holler.