Even the Sunset Stayed the Same

After an hour inside the air condition cooled cabin, it was made apparent to me that this was going to be a long weekend. 

There was no service, no WiFi, no entertainment center of any kind within a thirty-mile radius. Lucky for me, there was a large supply of bugs, scorching heat, dirt paths that led to the middle of nowhere, and silences long enough to fill an entire vacation’s worth of awkwardness. My only comfort inside the small house was the fact that I had brought my earbuds to personally fill that lack of sound for myself. No one in the house complained, each of them doing their own thing as well and trying to pretend that this was normal.

Having driven all night, I was the first to arrive.

Then came Ben, nearly three hours after I showed up, with his palm trees and beach sticker encrusted luggage. The first thing he did was give a quick acknowledgment to my existence, a sharp nod or maybe it was a glance, maybe he said ‘hi’ before setting down his bag seemingly filled to the brim with protein bars, bags of coffee, and enough dried fruits to last for weeks.

The next was Austin, followed closely by Abby. The two of them having gone to the same university, hitched a ride together, still friends unlike the rest of us. Although their faces were bright when they strolled in, it quickly turned downcast once they noticed me scrolling through my playlist with earbuds on, and Ben declaring he’d go take a quick shower once he saw them.

Finally, Tommy appeared.

Abby gave Tommy a quick hug while Ben took his luggage down to the room they’d be sharing. Austin was working on lunch for all of us, while I sat there uncomfortable, feeling like there wasn’t anything for me to do except take up space. Different conversations now echoed through the house; Abby and Austin still joined at the hip, talking about some new teacher that arrived last semester, Ben showing Tommy the room and trying to get him situated. Yet, somehow, the empty silence of the air when I first arrived felt a hundred times more comforting than the mindless and unnecessary talk surrounding me.

“Lunch is ready!” Abby called from the kitchen.

Reluctantly, I forced myself down the creaking stairs, noticing the pauses that lingered a little longer than they should’ve amidst the chatter. Just as the dining room table came into view, Austin brought the plates of burgers they’d grilled on the stove and the bowl of salad over drenched in ranch and other sauces. 

“Ah, I accidentally spilled some sauce in there.”

I glanced up from the leaves and red tomatoes, realizing that Austin was talking to me. 

“No! It’s no problem! Don’t worry about it!” I pulled out a chair and quickly sat down, laughing to the best of my abilities and getting a burger off of the plate. It was nice enough of him to make these burgers, who cared if the salad had too much sauce or not?

I had expected the conversations to carry on for the rest of the weekend. Small talk about the weather, what each of us had been up to, how our families were doing, what kind of careers we’d be pursuing after college, but Tommy happened to cluelessly step into a forbidden territory the rest of us had already marked long ago.

“So are we going to talk about why we’re here? You know, in the middle of nowhere, after a few years of not talking?”

The throb in my head that remained present ever since I arrived only increased as Tommy’s words left his mouth. Abby shifted in her seat, as she looked away from the table and down to her knees. I debated whether or not to answer Tommy’s question as everyone else poked at their foods. Before I could convince myself to do one or the other though, Ben spoke up.

“Well, I’m assuming all of us received that email…”

I saw Ben take out his phone. He began reading after a few seconds of tapping and scrolling.

“Dear Ben, it’s been a while,” he began. “I’m sorry for leaving all of you for so long, but if it would be at all possible, I’d like to see everyone after nearly four years. Next weekend, I’m renting out this cabin so that everyone can see each other again. Please come. Thanks…”

Ben’s usually confident voice now trailed off, as he took a deep breath and stared into the phone, almost in disbelief, probably re-reading the name that had been signed in virtual ink. The first time I had seen it as well, I began wondering whether my phone was glitching or perhaps I had gotten so little sleep the night before that I was hallucinating? 

But the name remained.

“Yuki,” he finished.

I realized I hadn’t been breathing this entire time and let out a small sigh. Suddenly feeling out of place, it was now my turn to look downward, mirroring Abby who sat across from me.

“Look, we need to talk about this.” Ben stood up from his seat, having forgotten all about his half-eaten burger, with lettuce bits that had fallen out covering his plate. 

“Shouldn’t we be looking at you?” Tommy asked. “You were the one closest to Yuki. There’s no way the rest of us could’ve even gotten ahold of his email before he-”

Ben seemed fazed by Tommy’s question, but his face became clenched up, almost as if he was disgusted by the accusation Tommy had thrown out of nowhere. He scoffed and sat back down in his chair. Despite this front he put up, I think all of us knew that Yuki’s disappearance also affected him the most. The way his eyes weren’t bright anymore, how he spoke less and less, and lost over fifteen pounds those first two weeks Yuki was gone, all tribute to their friendship over seven years. 

“I’m sorry…” Tommy said quietly after a moment. “I shouldn’t have assumed that.”

Ben looked away, not responding to Tommy. Unable to stand the atmosphere any longer, I finished my burger in two bites and stood up from the chair. No one protested, something I mentally thanked all of them for as I half-ran back to the room I was sharing with Abby. I flopped down on the bed, pulling up my phone and opening my photos. Yes...five years ago, we had done nearly everything together. 

Yuki...was the one who connected all of us.

To put it simply, without Yuki, none of us would’ve ever spoken to one another, much less become friends for those short three years. The trips we took, the afternoons we spent, the tests we passed and failed...we did everything together. That is, we did everything until Yuki suddenly disappeared. His parents had been unable to find him, and the police gave up soon after. Although we tried to search for him as well, it seemed as though he had really vanished from the face of the planet. Gone. 

A few hours later, a knock came from the door.

“You wanna talk a bit?”

I forced a smile, shutting down my phone and tossing it behind me. 

“Sure. How’d you feel about lunch?”

Tommy gave a small ‘ha’, shaking his head. 

“Not that good, especially in that kind of situation. So you got the email too?” he asked eagerly. I nodded, handing him my phone. He typed in the password with no hesitation, going straight to the email app. A part of me was glad to see that Tommy hadn’t changed since the last time I saw him. Straightforward like a stick, not the type to read into other’s words, and never the intention to cause harm. Yet, the other part of me that didn’t feel this way was worried. Almost defensive. Was it too naive of me to believe that Tommy hadn’t changed? 

“Dang...it looks like we all received the same thing. Yuki wouldn’t really do that though, would he?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Yuki was always the guy who’d spice things up. You know, exaggerate, and put on a show. Be dramatic. Sending the same blandish email to everyone just doesn’t seem like his thing.”

I shrugged. “You could say that, but he’s also been gone for so many years. As far as I know, he could show up through that door right now looking like a completely different person, and I’d probably believe that was Yuki!”

Tommy laughed and shut his eyes as he sat next to me.

“Do you miss the old days?” he asked me after a second.

I bit down on my lips, hoping he wouldn’t notice my nervousness seeping through. Just as I was about to answer, I heard the creaking of the staircases once again. As Tommy sat there, facing away from me, Abby came in.

“Sorry about that guys, I’m sure Ben will be fine in a few hours at most. And besides, I-”

She seemed to notice the tight grip I had on the blanket, or maybe it was the way Tommy’s face suddenly looked scared as if he was worried she had overheard our conversation. 

“Nevermind,” she quickly covered it up, going over to her bed and picking up a small bag next to her pillow. “I’ll be going downstairs now. Austin wants to cook over live fire for dinner so-”

“You’re starting a fire?” I asked.

“Yeah! We can make s’mores if anyone bought marshmallows. I’m sure someone did, it’s a camping trip. You guys wanna come help?” 

I stood up and nodded. “Why not?”

Abby’s face broke into a grin as she heard Austin calling for her downstairs. Tommy followed after me as the three of us exited the room, one after the other, through the narrow and short hallways. Outside was a stone pit of sorts, with sticks and some bits of firewood stacked into a cone. Austin brought out pieces of meat and veggies to grill over the flame, spiced with salt and pepper. The best thing about traveling with Austin was that you’d never have to worry about eating a non-nutritious meal. Not with a future chief like him. He was now messing around with a firelighter, not having much luck. Abby leaned down and took the firelighter from him, clicking it a few times until it finally came on. Austin gave a small cheer and suddenly gave Abby a hug. Realizing how sudden it must’ve seemed, he jerked his hands back, laughing as if nothing happened and taking the firelighter back to try and start it on his own. Abby looked away shyly, blushing in embarrassment.

“...I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel bad or just cringe,” Tommy mumbled.

“Me neither, but I’m currently cringing more,” I responded with a shudder. 

All of us knew that Abby and Austin had liked one another since high school, but both of them denied it. I’m not sure why they avoided the topic like a flaming arrow, but we had tried to set them together several times. Not a single attempt ended up with the two of them confessing and we were always back to square one. 

I glanced over to Tommy, trying to figure out what he was thinking, only to meet his eyes as well. 

“What is it?”

I shook my head and went back to watching Austin and Abby.

“Nothing.”

Tommy and I had dated for a year in high school. After Yuki disappeared halfway through senior year though, the two of us also spoke less and less along with the rest of the group. Once graduation hit, neither of us said anything to the other. Just like that, our relationship had ended abruptly, not that we weren’t expecting it. Somehow, I had a feeling that Tommy and I were better friends than actual partners for one another, and this trip seemed to have only solidified that mindset. 

“Do you think someone really brought marshmallows?”

I shook my head.

“No way. We came here to see if Yuki would really appear, not celebrate some sort of-”

“Oooh! Are we setting up a fire? I have some marshmallows!”

I turned my head and burst out laughing. Of course Ben brought marshmallows in that giant bag of snacks. Tommy began laughing next to me, shaking his head at Ben who came up to the rest of us. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked in annoyance. “Did I miss anything?”

I shook my head and brushed a tear from my eyes. “Not at all. We were just talking about how great it would be to roast some marshmallows after Austin finished making dinner. You brought marshmallows, you said?” Tommy asked.

“Of course! Which idiot doesn’t bring marshmallows on a camping trip?” he scoffed and shook his head. 

“Well I guess I’m an idiot,” I responded with a depressed sigh.

“Wait what? You actually didn’t think to bring marshmallows? What’s wrong with you!” Tommy asked me. “Unlike Cait over here, I’m actually educated, Ben.”

My eyes widened at Tommy’s betrayal, elbowing him harshly in the stomach. He winced in pain, but the smirk was still glued tight to his face. The three of us began laughing as the sun set in the background, shading everything in a beautiful shade of oranges and reds, as it had so many years ago. An image spread in my mind of the five of us sitting on top of an old wall, bricks cracked and falling out, as we watched the sunset in each other's company.

Once all five of us sat down around the fire, I realized that the atmosphere had become...lighter. Almost as if the invisible wall that had grown over the past four years had fallen down as the red flames danced across my eyes. Like a warm blanket you’d hide under in the middle of winter, the fire felt warmer than anything I’d experienced.

“I missed you guys.”

I smiled sadly as I looked down at my plate of food.

“I missed you guys a lot,” I said again, this time a little louder. I had regretted not being able to see them one last time before college started, not even telling Tommy how I loved him before I left. Instead of facing each of them, I left the mess that seemed all too big to clean by myself and ran away.

“I’m sorry,” I finally managed to choke out. “I should’ve tried to say something or keep in touch at least.” This time, I felt a hand on my back as Abby pulled me into a hug. 

“We missed you too,” she whispered as she patted my back. Tears began spilling from my eyes as I dropped my plate and hugged her tightly. 

“You’re making me sentimental!” Ben snapped. I noticed his eyes beginning to moisten with the light of the flame that separated the two of us as I gave a small laugh, wiping my tears away as Abby drew away. Suddenly, Tommy began crying as well, as Ben finally gave out and started sobbing.

“Stop it guys! The water’s gonna get into the fire!” Austin said with a sniff as he patted Abby’s back, trying to comfort her as she buried her head into his chest. I wiped away the tears from my eyes again, smiling at the rest of them through my blurry tears.

I wonder where Yuki was right now, or if he would ever show up. Maybe he was still out there somewhere, watching all of us act like idiots, like the little drama queen he was.

Little did I know, he had been watching us all along.

As the figure approached the flame, I thought for a split second that our luck had run out and we’d be facing a serial killer or perhaps an angry ghost of some sort. Dressed in neat jeans and a faded t-shirt, his black hair had gotten a little longer but his brown eyes stayed just as mesmerizing.

“Hey guys.”

Yuki.