The endurance of agony

It all started as a teen, I can see my way clear as crystal can ever be. I grow up with it cause I used to feed it well and as time travels mile in my teen ages. Nights came and left so does the sunrise I babysit it in every way possible to see it mature. My dream been growing up like as fast I can ever intended it to be it carried out its form, I was young trying to put things together cause I could see that my baby is growing up and getting out of Proportion.

I am trying so hard my heart tells me to ask for help but I was afraid they elders would discourage me. I always heard them talk negatively from each other so it could be a risk factor me going to ask for advice to them. I tried by all the means to protect my baby "dream" but I failed to prevent the damage when I realise to quit was the option cause i was already damage by myself what was left for me was to rehabilitate and meditate upon the situation I was currently involved myself in. I am tempted to continue with fix but affliction was beyond my knowledge.

I took me some time looking at opportunity I lost, weiry thinking if I had the right tools, manual to guide me till finally accepted it the door is closed now. I had to seek new one to open that's how a child should grow up imagine better future not to experience tragedy, pain, any traumatize situations but I became the victim of all obstacles. I took a walk to the bush felt not far from our area my thought was to seat on the mountain rock like others I always saw seating there but when I get there it just felt different to sit they alone. I shift and sat down next to the pit busy throw stones and listening to stones roll , chasing side and making different sound and interest was when stones enter the water. I will shout and listen to my echo "Helloooo look loooooo" voices I felt bored and worthlessness and I wasnt capable of anything good.

I was about to throw myself in a pit cause suicide was my only way to meet the end with my failure. When I was about to act I heard I saw yellow snake which was first time so I stand up I picked up some stones and started throwing at the snake and it climbed the tree. It skin was so shiny I wanted to fill it's touch so I throw couple of countless time till I hit the jackpot it fell from the tree when I am busy throwing It comes towards me diving my throws I stepped back to distance myself from its bite only to find out the last two Stones in my hands gonna get my job done. I hit it on the head twice so it callapsed I was about to hold it by its tail and it wakes up after I picked up so I swing it in the air 5-6times it died. I took shoe lace and tie the head incase it wakes again. I felt the touch of its skin and I took it throw it in the pit. Instead of me throwing myself for my miserable moment I throw something else that where I overcome the suicide thoughts that day, everytime when I fail negativity whisper in my ear "I told you, you're just like your forefathers they failed like you do".

I regained my positive attitude and my intellect automatically kicked in and my intelligence gratitude bare with me, passion , patients,love knocked at my door steps ressurected me I felt like king 🤴 one more time. As much as day goes by minutes been eaten by monkey and monster swallow the light of the day, so come the night I was dreaming speaking only to find out I was preparing myself for today's life I live. The night my life took a curve and memories of acknowledge the dream help me rebuild, reform.

My life has been mocked by failure I lost hope, when I couldn't cope but I kept of going when it doesn't work out for me.

I believe it or not pushed the doors Where I needed to push and pull where intended but with no luck tears will just run thru my chicks to my chin sound of my cry was one thing I could nevertheless do I felt like someone will think I am stupid I once cried out loud and it felt horrible when they told me how I sound. I never intended to ever try to cry once more again I heard silly answers when people being asked what they crying for the answers you may get you will think they just wasted teardrops.

I wanted to be a police and its purpose was to serve under protection since it didn't happen I recall to myself that me eating healthy, doing everything with inspection and motivating myself to do good I am more than the cop I ever wanted to be. The batch I wanted to represent was not for me but I found the one that I do now is make pen lick,romance the paper couple of times so that the person read this can also smile when they reflect into their life.

It is not by default to be where we are is the decision that took the curve from Imaginery to reality cause real is rare future is like ghost you don't know when, what time from which side/color.

Future is like Goliath you gonna have to be like David.

Have the courage to face Goliath you have no stripes but it's your time to earn one that brings you honour.

If I didn't change my mind where do you think I would be by now.

Comments are more than welcome to sharpen up my talent.

By Shiko Mathabatha