Cicari: The New Marinenet

*Hints and implications of violence, proceed with caution*

Xe combed a hand through xyr hair staring at the pages, casually flipping them as xe quickly scanned the words. All books seemed so, boring, as of late. They all blurred together for xem. Nothing seemed interesting anymore, xe thought to xemself with a sigh. It was quite tiring, not being interested in anything anymore. Xe noticed. It was like xe was just going through the motions. And honestly, xe was.

Xe looked up, shutting the book closed. Cicari felt a swirl of thoughts come to xem, in a storm of sorts. Xyr eyes flickered back and forth between the various lights as xe tried to decode xyr thoughts. They were too blurry and woven together to tell what was what, if it was good or bad or something else. It was disorienting.

It was terrifying. It made xyr breath catch in xyr throat. Xe didn't know what to do. It simply ramped up and up and up til soon enough xe was curled over the book xe was previously reading, fingers tightly wriggled into xyr hair gasping as if xe was near drowning.

These attacks of, breathlessness, were normal for xem, but no matter how often they happened, xe could never get used to them. It was the feeling of every nightmare xe had ever had, all into one, thrown at xem, without xem realizing what was happening. It was sickening. Xe wished it would all stop.

Xe had told people in xyr life time and time again, but every time, they responded with an "It's normal.", "You're overreacting.", "Calm down." or some variation of the three. It ended up being so long, that instead xe found xemself simply laying down on the cold concrete floor that was xyr basement. Xe would cover xyr mouth and nose to hopefully prevent the feeling of the air worsening their fear and lack of easy breathing.

Today was such a day. The walk downstairs was harder than usual and when xe made it to the end of the stairs, xe fell to xyr knees. Tears came to xyr eyes, from the panic, the pain from xyr knees, the lack of breath, or all of the above- xe didn't know. Xe simply tried to control xyr air supply, and go to the comforting cold.

Minutes upon minutes past, and xyr go to technique for calming these attacks- failed. No matter how hard xe tried, it was like someone was pulling the air out of xyr body and shoving it back in, back and forth back and forth: in and out.

If xe thought xyr thoughts were a storm now, they were especially so in these moments. Xe put xyr hands over xyr eyes in an attempt to calm things down, after all maybe it was xyr sight xyr thoughts were running off of. Xe waited what seemed like an eternity for the thoughts to silence, only for them to remain the same hammering storm they have been.

Xe did however notice xyr other senses. The cold gritty texture of the floor, the grime that has built up over the years, seemed to wrap around xem, swallowing xem. The smell too, just as cold and gritty- slimy and musty too from the wood being exposed to too much rain.

Xe felt that familiar nausea return to xem, a groan came from xem as a response. A few seconds later, xe heard a creak on the stairs too. With a brow raised, xe uncovered xyr eyes, leaning towards the sound. The nausea kept rising and rising. Xe covered xyr mouth a bit more, in case the typical effect of nausea would occur. Xe closed xyr eyes too, both for the calming effect but also to focus better on xyr hearing.

Another creak on the stairs happened, and before xe even knew it, someone was on top of xem. Xe did xyr best to scream but to no avail. One of the person's hands were around xyr wrists: so xe couldn't hit them. Their knees placed firmly besides both sides of xyr waist: so xe couldn't kick them. And the other hand, was over xyr mouth: so no one could hear xyr screams.

"Sshhh.. Sshhhh.. Sh. Sh. It's okay Cicari... It's okay." The person whispered. Xe shivered, feeling the hotness of their breath, right next to xyr ear. The casual nausea crossed the line, going into possible vomiting territory as xe realized who this was.

Xe attempted to say his name, Marcus, but all that came out was a mere "Mm-" due to him muffling the sound of xyr voice.

"Sshhh." He said, a little harsher. Xe heard him shuffle things around, somehow managing to keep xyr mouth covered, and xyr hands together. It pissed xem off, such an event shouldn't be easy, not for anyone. And thus, xe decided to make this more of a challenge. Xe lifted xyr legs, because while xe couldn't kick him, xe could definitely throw Marcus off balance.

The man let out a string of curses, and for a moment, Cicari believed xe was going to win whatever odd battle this was. But that would not be xyr destiny, xe realized. How so? By the now familiar creak of the stairs, the blindfold Marcus quickly tied on. Xe felt another bout of breathlessness came upon xem. "Marcus, I thought you said you could handle xem!" A feminine voice barked, filled with a rage unimaginable.

"Shut up Kiri!" He shouted in return, making xem wince at the sound. The creaks down the stairs became more and more noticeable. And while that terrified xem, xe couldn't help but feel a slight bit of pride though, at the fact that Marcus couldn't do this on his own.

That was, until the person Kiri told him to get their supplies. "Yes ma'am!" He quickly replied. Xe felt the bile start to form within xem, that familiar demon of breathlessness overtake xem. Xyr senses started to get overwhelmed due to the sound of movement, adrenaline, the textures.

The livingness and stillness of everything around xem. The sting of metal going through xem, the odd texture of thread. The laughter of former friends. Xyr lips were sealed, sewn shut, just like that.