The story he never tells

He heavily sighed and looked around him. The dancing tangled web of humans, the smell of sweat overpowering the stench of alcohol from the mouth of the classmate who blabbered onto his ears made him somewhat dizzy. Spending even another 5 minutes in such condition was making him feel he’d better be dead, but he had to wait. He was designated ride for the group of people he came with. He wanted, but cannot be irresponsible; however much he hated being in such a loud party. He could have spent a night wrapped up in warm duvet, reading a book which smelled like magic. He spent another fifteen minutes while his classmate wept how he wanted not to drink. “Then don’t drink! It is that simple,” he thought to himself. It took a drunk couple to almost crush him to death, if he had not jumped out of the couch at the last minute to decide he had enough. He walked casually around to room looking for people he came with. He was ready to haul their drunken asses to his car and just be done with this night. He found two of them lip locked at the kitchen counted and unceremoniously he separated them and dragged them towards the exit. They mumbled and sometimes shouted in complain, but he wasn’t listening to it anymore. He went inside the house which was a mess by now in search of the third one. After a thorough search, he was given a curt reply that he can leave without the third lunatic he had accompanied.

He ignored the grey shining eyes and thought to himself-“Fine by me.”

Sunlight seeped into the room through the large windows, but he has been awake before the first ray of sunlight entered his room. He watched as slowly the light became brighter and filled his room. A knock on the door and he still remained motionless. He could not utter a word. Assuming that he was still asleep on a Sunday morning, his mother stopped knocking and walked away. He slowly raised his hands and touched his eyes with fingertips. They were swollen and he was sure that they were red now. No, he has not cried. The tears had come and went without dropping out of the confines of his eyes. His mind was coloured a dark shade of grey, the same shade of someone’s eyes.

There was a spread of breakfast which was usual for a Sunday morning. He cheerfully jumped towards the table and greeted his family. The lukewarm response of the busybodies on a Sunday morning made him roll his eyes. Father was still trying to perfect his chicken gravy recipe as mother sauntered nearby with book in her hands. She was definitely in other world, but stood close to father to give him spiritual support. Sister was gulping down the food faster than tornado breaks down houses on its path and he frowned at her. “Nothing would be left for me,” he was scared as the thought passed his mind. Brother and sister bickered back and forth while parents were lost in other world.

He came back upstairs to start a new book. He closed the door and fell down on the ground. Grey eyes clouded his brain and pushed him into a haze. Unable to hold back the tears, he sobbed while pressing his hands to his mouth so that he does not make any sound. Hiccups, sobs and more hiccups. He writhed on the ground and felt his heart burning up from pain. Tossing and turning on the hard cold floor, he slowly felt himself go numb. He stared at the ceiling. The last rays of sunlight were penetrating into the room but nothing warmed his heart. He slowly got up and went to the bathroom without anyone noticing. Washing up his face, he smiled brightly at the mirror and later joined his family for dinner.

There was a lot of hustle as students rushed to their morning classes. He kept his head down and navigated through the swarm of students. Plopping down on a seat at the back of the class, he waited for the class to start as students kept pouring in. Advertia took the next seat to him and beamed brightly at him. He smiled back at her and then they talked a little about how their weekends were spent before being interrupted by the professor who now has entered.

Advertia- “You have bags under your eyes. Did you not sleep well?”

Grey eyes flashed into his mind.

Him- “Ah, I was finishing a book I started. It kept me awake all weekend. Gotta catch up on the lost sleep today, or at least I hope so.”

They both laughed it off and class started.

Both of them had similar classes in the morning and thus they decided to get lunch together. The lunch was chaotic as usual. There were chattering going on, laughter peeling off the thin walls of the canteen as students gulped down the cheap and nutrition-less canteen food. A few stray students sat alone and ate quietly, but most of them were in colourful groups. Some engaged in a deep political debate, some in light banter and jokes. He looked content as he debated on how the country’s failing education system was the core reason why the system was corrupt and failing its citizens. Everyone looked at him with awe as he grilled his opposition and filled them with the information from the ground. Some called him a realist. Advertia often called him a cold saint who was brightest among all.

After his classes ended, he sat down in the ripe garden of the university and tried to relax. Grey eyes popped into his head. However he got distracted as he felt someone sit beside him. He opened his eyes to see who it was and it was Coral. Coral looked sad.

Him- “Hey buddy, what happened?”

Coral- “It is painful watching her everyday with him. Should I take a year off?”

He was startled.

Him- “Are you trying to be funny or trying to get on my last nerve? What is wrong with you?”

Coral- “I don’t know mate. We dated for four years and then she said that she does not feel anything for me. How is that even possible?”

This was the 19^th time he was listening this story. It has been on the loop for last five months. It started when Coral broke up from his girlfriend.

Him- “Dude, I will help you do whatever you need to do to get over her, but for god’s sake, don’t talk about harming your education for something like this.”

Coral- “You don’t understand mate. But okay, I am on for the famous ‘him psychological treatment’ you give.”

Coral was grinning a little now. He smiled at him and then proceeded to a question and answer session followed by suggestions to help alleviate his situation. It was late in the evening when they ended talking. Bidding him farewell, he went to the library looking for some books for upcoming exams. He ignored the grey eyes which smiled brightly at him. He ignored them. Life was already stressful and now the teachers had casually thrown a series of tests on the students in the morning class. He looked around and there were a few drowsy faces bent on books and notes, noting everything down furiously. He searched for the book he wanted and did the same.

He looked outside the exit gate of university and held back a thought of hitching a ride from the passing vehicles. Taking out his phone, he called for a shared taxi and waited while it arrived. He set his GPS on and typed speed dial 1.

“911.”

Clutching his phone closer to his chest, he got onto the taxi and felt himself relaxing a little when he saw there were two women there. “It cannot be filled anymore.” As he sighed the breath of relief, he looked outside and everything stopped. Grinning from year to year, he saw the eyes which most would consider beautiful. Shining grey eyes smiled back at him as he waved at him. Standing at 6 ft. he was hard to miss. He could not take his eyes off of him. The taxi rode away. Yet the grey eyes remained in his head even when he squeezed his eyes shut and breathed heavily. The taxi dropped him off at his home and he cheerfully bid them a safe journey. Strangers could be weird when they smile out of nowhere, but he had a face of an angel. They smiled back. After a heart dinner with family and discussing a little of this and that, all of them retired back to their room.

Maybe it was the cold ice-cream he ate which was now making him cold.

He fell down on the bed and every memory came rushing back. He could still remember his touch. He could remember the glimmer in his grey eyes.

Predator.

It first year of his university, when he met Kwye. Kwye was a year ahead of him and he heard his name before he saw him. Kwye was famous for his good looks and charms amongst the women and his friendly and helping nature made it hard for the men to feel bad about getting all the feminine attention. A favourite of professors, a darling of seniors, a helper to the juniors, he was declared the gem of the university already. They met for the first time when he was distributing flyers to the psychology club in the campus. He remembered Kwye coming closer to him and his classmates with a bright smile on his face. All the female classmates fawned over him and giggled loudly. But Kwye got the flyer from him. His fingertips had touched his hands when he took the flyer. In a deep, raspy voice, he asked him questions as if it was the first time he had heard about the psychology club. He explained it to him anyway. His grey eyes looked at him curiously when he explained. The mischief behind it was very visible.

They met several times after that in the campus. From occasional greetings to long lunches and sometimes even cheap roadside dinner, their friendship had grown. They shared the same interests and thoughts. He was amazed as how Kwye and his thoughts matched every time. He felt understood for the first time and not called a ‘too realist or cold’ for the first time. He looked up to him on how he critically criticised the world as unfair and then people just left their views and agreed to him.

Life was unfair. It was cruel too. He knew about the unfairness. He was about to experience cruelty too.

One late evening when he was working on a final project, he got a text from Kwye asking for help. He debated between completing the project and helping his good friend. He decided he could just pull an all-nighter to complete the project after he has helped out Kwye. He went to the familiar house he went many times before. Kwye opened the door for him, but his smile was different today. Kwye asked whether he needed something to eat or drink. He was parched as he had walked down to his home. Kwye got him water. They went to his room and started talking about the project he was working on. Kwye had missed the subject’s project last year and he was taking the same one this year. They focused on the problems Kwye was facing and he was confused as the problem wasn’t that a big. The urgency did not seem right. He shrugged it off. Sometime during the discussion, he felt his eyes closing and Kwye smiling at him.

He woke up sometime later and first thing he noticed that it was dark around him. Second thing he noticed was sharp pain shooting from his lower body. He tried to understand what the matter was when he realized his hands were tied to bed post. His legs were tied too. The door opened and light flooded into the dark room. Kwye entered and switched the light on. Bewildered he looked at Kwye and then looked down. There was blood on the sheets he was lying on.

He looked at it and back at Kwye few times before he understood what had happened. Kwye’s grey eyes looked almost black. A colour of sin? Kwye leaned back on the chair and smiled at him, told him that he was special. He was innocent and he was Kwye’s. He felt the binding of his hands and legs constricting his voice, his neck. It happened a few more times before Kwye released him from his love chains as he used to call it. He showed him the photographs as proof of their love and kissed him hard to show the same. He promised next time would be better. That project was not submitted the next day.

He still ignores empty hallways of university. He never sits alone. He always has a crowd around him. He makes new friends every day and keeps them close. He never takes empty cabs as someone might jump into one with him. He feels comfortable next to women. He never drinks in case he is too drunk. He always keeps himself in limelight. It has been two years, since his parents thought he was mad. He told them what happened to him. They asked him to stop being gay and fantasizing about such things. He had missed several meals that month. His parents wanted him to learn how to behave. Every internet result on the laws related to it came up blank. He was an adult and lawmakers thought an adult male can never go through such ordeal.

The sheets were now drenched with his sweat and tears. Crumpled underneath him, they held him tight as he stared at the ceiling. Tears quietly made way out of his eyes. The sun was rising. It was another sleepless night. Kwye’s grey eyes still shined brightly in his head, promising he would get him one day.

Today, he would keep it as chaotic as possible.

Today, he would make another friend.

Today, he would smile brightly at everyone.

Today, he would be safe.

He got up from bed and went to bathroom. He looked at his swollen red eyes and then splashed some water on his face.

He smiled brightly at the mirror. His eyes were dying as the grey eyes looked back at him.