Amenaous entered the sacred hold, lowering his hood. The light highlighted his young features, making his freckles glow like embers. The Flame flickered.Surely, it is a trick on my eyes. The Flame flicked again. He shook his head. The Flame was still brightly aglow. The Everlasting Flame causes the world to continue moving on its axis; it continues spinning among the stars and other planets. It has been lit since earlier than time. The Flame provides heat and growth for the planet, giving it life and prosperity. As FlameBearers, our job is to watch the EverBurning Candle and keep it safe. We, an ancient civilization, a secret society of sorts, are the elite and exclusive. Our initiation is painful, yet worth it. We raise the bravest and most cunning scholars of our time. The Candle is hidden in our society’s underground, where it shall be hidden from the rest of the world above.
Amenaous turned to the silhouetted man near The Flame.
“Master, what would happen if the unspeakable were to commence?” He questioned in a low tone. His master turned around. His robe, a dark amber in The Flame’s basking light.
“Luckily, student, that is not a thing that can happen” the aged man croaked. A dark feeling fell into the pit of Amenaous’ stomach.
“But Master-” he stuttered.
“Student, you are not defying my wisdom, correct?” The Master lowered his hood, the light shadowed the deeper wrinkles in his face. Centuries of wisdom sparked in his eyes. Amenaous felt shame rise and glow in his cheeks. He solemnly shook his head.
“Good,” his Master said. The Master left through the cave’s mouth. Amenaous stayed behind staring at The Flame. But what would happen if The Flame that had been prophesied for a thousand years was to go out? He slipped his hood back on as it sloped into his view. He let his eyes recover from the newfound darkness. He glances past The Candle at their painted insignia, a golden tongue of fire. The light in the dim cave blinked. His eyes flashed to The Flame. No, he thought, Master would not be wrong, he could not. Everything is perfectly fine. He departed from the cave, coming into the cavern that was filled with tents and hooded figures, their voices were like electricity.
Amenaous avoided their gaze and looked at his worn-out boots. He counted their clumsy stitches as he walked. He knew what he saw. The disastrous consequences for him and the whole planet if he were right…if he were wrong. If he were wrong, he could be shunned from this civilization for making a mockery of their life’s work. Never to be allowed to the surface in case he felt the need to speak of their mission here. There was a large tent, a tent bigger than all the others with their sacred seal on the top. It’s velvet fabric frayed at the edges. The Grand Master. Amenaous swallowed the bile rising in his throat and entered the tent, uninvited.
“What is the meaning of this?!?!” The Grand Master bellowed. Amenaous’ Master lowered his hood and stared at his student. Don’t do this, his eyes pleaded, this will only end poorly, no matter what you saw. Amenaous took a breath and looked into the shadowed eyes of The Grand Master and spoke.
“Grand Master, The Flame flickered. I fear it could be extinguished.” The people in the tent looked at him. A cacophony of scoffs and laughter flooded his ears. Humiliation filled his senses. He gripped the sides of his cloak until his knuckles turned white.
“Child, The Flame has been saved from eons or longer. Why now, pray tell, would it flicker?” The Grand Master mused. Amenaous stood with his feet rooted to the soil that once allowed him to walk freely.
“It could go out. The Flame, I mean. The world could be wiped away.” he stammered. Amenaous silently hoped that this truly was all in his head, that he was asleep and dreaming. The Grand Master walked toward him and lowered his own hood. Faded ancient eyes looked at Amenaous.
“Boy… You must not concern yourself with matters that are out of your hands,” The Grand Master hissed. “You are a scholar, a student! You have barely endured all the trials a Master must make. You know not what you say.” Amenaous nodded and turned to leave the tent. His footsteps were slow and careful. He questioned the power of The Flame. If those who were sworn to protect it did not sense the urgency in this matter, then what is the point?
He entered the sacred hold. It seemed brighter this time. Hotter. Amenaous took off his cloak, instantly drenched with sweat. He approached The Flame. His breathing became labored. He was right up with the EverBuning Candle.
“What trouble such a trivial looking thing can cause.” He whispered. The Flame danced in and out of consciousness. Amenaous felt worry and fear build up in his chest. He felt panic rise in him, smothering his breath. He must let it out. He releases a relaxing sigh. Then the heat and the light left, leaving the cave cold and dark. The world began to shake and crumble.
The Flame was out.
A flood of panicked voices saturated the air. Amenous ran out of the cave to find his whole world was now in ruins. People tried to run as the ground continued shaking. Tents are being trampled and lamps overturned ablaze. The Grand Master made his way among them.
“Friends, we must make our escape to the over-land, for we shall be safe, if for a little while.” He breathed. Amenaous watched his people fall into methodical rhythm and headed through the cavern to the place where the light would blind them. The Grand Master locked eyes with him through the crowd. The old teacher looked away, embarrassment passed over his features.
Amenaous ran, weaving between the panicking people toward the surface. He covered his eyes, momentarily blinded by the strange sensation of sunlight. As he adjusted, he felt the warmth of the above land and the crispness of the air.
But his joy was soon ruined when he began to smell the plentiful fires and the destroyed landscape.
There would never be a way to fix this decaying world.
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2 comments
I liked the way your character's introspection drove him forward. He could feel the dread his mind painted for him and his inquiry and questions left his superiors scoffing at his sophomoric approach. I think you could draw more from your MC if you show more. when he revisits The Flame, don't tell me it's bright, have him shade his eyes and blink away the pain from the brightness. Maybe with tears. Show me it's hot through the stinging in the hand shading his eyes and the dryness in his mouth. I think you've got a solid start here. Good sto...
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it! I'll take your advice and suggestions and use them in more of my writings.
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