How I Lost My Love for Horses

How I Lost My Love for Horses

(Warning: some racist context added)

I can remember as a young girl watching The Wonderful World of Disney. That particular Sunday they played the movie Black Beauty. I was mesmerized when I saw this beautiful creature galloping freely through the wind-swept plains. It's mane streaming behind it like a wild banner. My eyes glued to the TV screen as my heart raced thinking of being on its back feeling the cool sensation of a breeze flowing across my back as I held on for dear life riding it along the prairie. After that day, I begged my mother to buy everything with horses all over it. I was starting second grade when I first saw this movie. My first day of school, I met a blonde curly haired girl name Molly Posey. She and I became really close friends. During class I took out my notebook that had a black horse on the cover. “Do you like horses?” asked Molly.

“Yes!” I spoke. “I love horses.”

Molly told me that she had three horses that were given to her by her Grandpa Ryan.

“Have you ever ridden a horse before?” asked Molly.

“No,” I said. “I hope to ride one someday.”

Molly invited me to come over her house to see her horses. She told me that she had three and they were Arabian horses. The white one was named Snow, the brown was named Chocolate, and the black one was named Midnight. I couldn't wait to go home to tell my mother. The entire afternoon I was so excited about seeing the horses, that I couldn't even concentrate on my class work. The school bell rung for us to go home. We all lined up to be taken to our buses. When the bus driver dropped me off, I ran as fast I could to my house. I got to the front door and flung open the screen. I almost tripped and fell over the rug at the front door running so fast.

“Mama!” I screamed.

“What is it child?” asked Mama.

“My friend Molly want me to come to her house today,” I said.

“I don't know about today,” said Mama. “Grandpa Ben had to go into town.”

“What about tomorrow?” I asked.

“Maybe tomorrow,” said Mama. “We'll have to call and ask Molly's mom first.”

I gave my mom a great big hug. I was so excited about the trip to Molly's house tomorrow that I could hardly go to sleep. The next day, I told Molly that I was coming over her house to see her horses.

“Wow!” exclaimed Molly. “I'll tell my mom after school.”

Molly mom picked her up from school every afternoon. Car riders always left a few minutes earlier than the kids who rode the bus home. When I got home, grandpa was underneath the hood of his car.

“What 'cha doing pumpkin?” asked Grandpa.

“I'm going over Molly's house,” I said. “Are you going to take me?”

I surely, I'm,” said Grandpa.

I ran into the house to put away my backpack. My mother was in the kitchen washing the dishes.

“Change out of your school clothes,” said Mama.

“Alright,” I said.

I don't think I ever changed my clothes this fast. I was out of the house before mom even grabbed her purse and locked the door. The Posey's had a huge ranch house. There was a white fence that went all around the yard. On our drive up the road I could see the Arabian horses running around the fence. I saw the black horse named Midnight and was immediately in love with him. Molly and her mom were outside watering the flowers. Molly came up to me and gave me a hug.

“Welcome to my house,” said Molly.

“Thank you,” I said. “Can we pet the horses?'

“Yes,” said Molly.

Molly's mom talked to my mother as she and I ran towards the horses. Grandpa walked over to the garden admiring the tall stalks of corn that were growing in the fields.

I went to the fence where Midnight stood eating grass. I put my small hands through the fence and rubbed his nose.

“I think he likes me,” I said.

“I think he does too,” said Molly.

His fur was so soft and shiny. Molly started pulling my arm to go over to the fence where Snow and Chocolate were galloping. I pulled away from her grasp slightly. The only horse that captivated me was the illustrious Midnight.

“He's so beautiful,” I said. “I love him.”

“Do you want to ride him?” asked Molly.

“Yes!” I spoke.

Molly ran over to her mother. She began tugging at her mother's dress.

“Mom, can we ride the horses?” asked Molly.

“Not today dear,” said Ms. Posey. “On Saturday for your birthday party would be best.”

Molly ran back to where I was with Midnight.

“You want to come to my birthday party?” asked Molly.

“Okay,” I said.

“Great!” exclaimed Molly. You can ride Midnight then.”

“Alright!” I spoke.

Molly mom already asked my mother if I could come to the party on Saturday. I was so excited about riding Midnight. In fact, I had my heart set on it all that week. I had picked out the perfect dress to wear to Molly's birthday party on Saturday. The dress was purple with pink stripes. There was a pink bow that tied on the back of the dress. Mama put my hair up into two ponytails with purple and pink rope ribbons. Earlier that week, I picked Molly out a nice baby doll for her birthday present. Mom and I wrapped it in yellow wrapping paper with a huge white bow around the box. I went onto the porch to show Grandpa Ben my dress.

“You look real pretty pumpkin,” said Grandpa Ben.

“Thank you,” I said.

Grandpa Ben gave me a kiss on my cheek. His chin hair always tickled, and it made me laugh.

“Ready to go? asked Mama.

“Yep,” I said.

I waved to grandpa as we drove out of the yard. There were decorations all over for Molly's birthday. There were even balloons and ribbons on their mailbox. As we drove into the yard, I looked around the fence where the horses were kept. Today the horses were not in their fences. I was puzzled because Molly's mom said that I could ride Midnight at the birthday party. My heart sank and I started feeling a little sad. Mama grabbed me by the hand and led me up the porch steps to the house. She gave Ms. Posey Molly's present to place among the rest of the gifts on the table. There was a clown making animal balloons for the rest of the kids. I sat next to Molly at the table.

“Where's Midnight? I asked. “You said I could ride him at your party.”

“I know,” said Molly. “I think he'll be here later.”

After the clown finished doing his tricks, Ms. Posey came out with Molly's cake. It was beautiful with yellow, blue and lavender butter cream flowers. We sang happy birthday to Molly, and she blew out her birthday candles. Ms. Posey cut each of us a piece of cake and gave us chocolate ice cream. I didn't eat much cake or ice cream. My mind was on one thing and that was Midnight.

“Is Midnight coming back?” I asked.

“He'll be back later,” said Ms. Posey. “Mr. Ross took them this morning.”

Mama and I had to leave a little early. Grandpa had to drop off something at the church house for Pastor Richards. I walked over to where Molly was sitting at the table.

“I have to leave now,” I said.

“Thank you for coming,” said Molly.

We gave each other hugs. Mama and I left for home that afternoon. I was heartbroken the whole ride home. At school on Monday, I overheard some of the other girls at Molly's party saying they rode the horses. I couldn't believe what I had heard. Molly was sitting at there desk and I sat by her.

“Molly,” I said. “The other girls said they rode the horses.”

“Yea,” said Molly. Mr. Ross brought them back to the party.”

“I don't understand,” I said.

“I don't either,” said Molly. “They were brought back to the party after you left.”

Molly told me that her Grandpa Ryan told her mother that he didn't want nigger trash riding his grand-baby's horses.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I don't know,” said Molly. Mama always says Grandpa Ryan is a little strange.”

“Oh,” I said.

I was a little curious of what that word nigger meant. I had never heard it before. I did know what trash meant. Mama always made me take that outside to put into the large dumpster. When I got home, I went into the kitchen. Grandpa Ben and Mama were shelling peas. I pulled out a chair from the table. Mama looked at me.

“What's wrong sugar?” said Mama.

“Mama, what is a nigger?” I asked.

“Who called you that?” asked Grandpa Ben.

Grandpa Ben was part Cherokee Indian, and his face had turned a darker shade of red.

“Nobody,” I said.

“Where did you hear that foul word from? asked Mama.

I told my Mama and Grandpa Ben that Molly Grandpa Ryan told her that he didn't want nigger trash riding his grand baby's horses. Mama told me that it was a word used by racist white people towards black people. It's a hateful and mean word. I felt really hurt. Why did Molly's grandpa hate me? He had never met me before.

“He's a racist baby,” said Mama. They hate people because of the color of their skin.”

“I can't help that,” I said. “I was born this way.”

“It doesn't matter none to them,” said Grandpa Ben. “It's how they were raised to hate.”

I was the only black child at the birthday party. He took the horses away because he didn't want me to ride them. I felt a tear well up in my eyes. I didn't want mom and grandpa to see me cry. I left the table and went into my bedroom. I close the door and throw myself onto my bed. I began to cry harder than I ever cried before. I heard mama footsteps at my door. I quickly sat up in my bed and wiped my face with my shirt.

“Are you okay?” asked Mama.

“Yea,” I said.

“I hate that this happened to you,” said Mama.

“Is Molly a racist?” I asked.

“I don't think so sweetie,” said Mama. “I don't think she even knew what that word meant.”

“Mama, I don't want to ever ride a horse,” I said.

Mama put her arms around me and gave me a kiss. Grandpa peered into the bedroom.

“How's my pumpkin?” asked Grandpa Ben.

“She'll be just fine,” said Mama.

Later that evening the phone rang; it was Ms. Posey. Molly told her mother what she had told me at school. Ms. Posey apologize to my mother for her father's actions. She told my mother that she and her mother wasn't that way. Her grandfather raised her dad to be that way towards other races. Ms. Posey told mama that I was more than welcome to come over their house anytime I wanted to ride Midnight or any of the other horses on their ranch.

“Thank you, said Mama. “I'll tell her what you said.”

“I don't want to go back over there.” I spoke.

“I know baby,” said Mama. “Ms. Posey is a nice lady.”

I went sleep early that night. That Sunday morning, I got early ripping my horse posters from my wall. I took my notebook out of my backpack with horses on them and tore off the front covers. I took my horse whatnots and threw them into the outside dumpster. That whole incident soured me on horses forever. Things were never the same between me and Molly. We really didn't talk that much in or after school anymore. The following year, she left Millbrook Elementary School. Molly and her family moved to Donovan, Alabama where she enrolled in a private school. Her mom sent us a Christmas card that same year. That was the last time that we heard anything from the Posey family.