The future of Laura Redkins

Her heart was beating so fast that she could barely speak. Laura was afraid that if she breathes, she could explode. She focuses on her mother's voice while she started counting the tiles in the kitchen. 

-I need that you breathe, sweetie. - her mother's tone was calm and objective. The girl had a long breath and thanked Dona without saying a single word. 

After taking a shower, Laura was getting ready for her first ballet class when her mother appeared in the door jamb. The woman wore a black pantsuit that makes her look like a badass executive. She didn't look into Dona's eyes. She knew what she would found there. 

 - It's just a class, mom. Chill out. - she murmured. - I know. But maybe you should take a break from trying new things compulsively and then dropping it out, Laura. - her mother whispered. 

Laura was tired, so she didn't argue with her. It wouldn't make any difference. For her mom, she was just an undecided little girl. 

The doorman greeted her when she got into the institute. It has a cute little garden in the doorway. She heard about it when a classmate told her he was playing chess there. Laura tried playing either, but she lost so many times that she gave up. The red leotard that she took borrowed with Ayla was a little wide in her body, and it itched in some parts. Although, she could handle that. 

The girls in her class were so skinny that Laura thought of holding her breath to look a little more slender. 

Dancing was not a newness to her. However, it didn't mean she was necessarily good at it. They did a lot of flexibility workouts. She didn't know it was even possible to split her legs like that. When the class finished, she was dizzy, her head was spinning, and her toes were hurting so bad that she thought she would never walk again.

She couldn't say exactly when it started, but the excitement of doing something for the first time become everything to her.

She walked through the avenue and bought a cannoli at Carlo's. It was a charming bakery, that she felt in love with since the first time she saw it.

The Melton High School was a large old building with a lot of students. On her first day, she was terrified. She puked when the second period ended. Laura was not the best at making friends, so the idea of spending the rest of the year alone made her feel vertiginous.

One morning, her literature teacher talked about a poetry contest that would happen in few weeks. Surprisingly, this caught her attention. After a few days of writing and rewriting, Laura thought that this would be her life-changing. - she said that about a lot of stuff.- The feeling of never find something that she was incredibly passionate about annoyed her so much that she could punch a wall without hesitating.

She signed up for everything that the school offered. The Cooking club - when she almost burned Mike's coat -, Film club - She was not a Dawson Creek -, Photography, Robotic and Maths club was also not her thing. She took a Spanish class once too, but she accidentally said her teacher was " una puta espantosa " thinking the meaning was a nice compliment. Well, it was not. She never showed up again. Forwards that, she tried german classes, painting, and even tho martial arts.

Laura never kept doing the same thing for more than a month. Her mother believed that this constant indecision was associated with her anxiety. It probably was. But it was hard for the girl to accept she was not in her best moment, even harder to look for professional help. 

The hallway was cramped as always, and she accidentally bumped with someone. The boy's book went to the ground. Laura wished to bury herself in that exact moment. - Sorry for that!

 - No problems, I don't care about these anyway. - he winked. 

Like it was nothing. Laura would probably think he was a psychopath if it was in a different scenario. But it was not. He knew what he was doing. So did Laura. Without hesitation, she skipped her history class to making out with the wink's boy in the art room. Well, don't they say to enjoy the present? She was precisely following this advice. 

After this unexpected event, she had this feeling of satisfaction. It can sound silly, but she was proud she did this. Laura never did anything without overthinking about it. Today, she kissed a boy who she doesn't even know the name. And that's fine for her.

The first thought that the girl had was that the poster was too yellow. Then, she was in the bathroom. She wasn't assimilating that she was going there until she felt the cold ground. The tears continued to flow, and the sobs wracked her body, barely allowing a breath to be drawn. At first, Laura didn't realize the man who got into the lady's restroom. But when he helped her get up and guided her to a small office, she stared at him. - Do you like the lavender's smell? - he asked while he put his elbows on the wood's desk. She was static for a moment. Laura took a deep breath and calmed herself down. - Sure. - she said. - I'm sorry... Who are you? - she knew he was probably a teacher or something, but she was embarrassed that another person beyond her mom saw her like that. 

He was a man in the '50s with a tuft of gray hair that makes him look like Effy's father.- I'm Dave. The school's psychologist. I thought of checking on you when I saw you running to the bathroom. - he smiled. - What about you telling me the reason behind that? It's okay. You know, I cry too. - Dave shrugged. 

Laura was reluctant. He was a stranger. However, something made her feel welcomed - the lavender, mostly - to speak without the fear of being judged. Dave didn't look at her with her mother's concern or felt sorry for her confusion. So, she said.

Laura talked about the panic of don't know who she wanted to be. And how the word "future" in the poster affected her. About the darker moments when her mind held her with deep claws that she thought never be able to get over again. Dave listened. When she finished, it was like the air was lighter and the sun brighter. The man helped her without saying a single word. She longed so bad for this moment, and she didn't even know. 

The sunlight got through the window in thicks and warm lines. Laura smelled the pancakes and smiled. Dona was getting the butter in the fridge when her daughter surprised her by hugging her. They both ate in sweet silence. Laura knew that she was not completely fine yet. However, after a few months of seeing Dave in the afternoons, she felt that this was the only activity she should do for a while. Fucus on her. Beyond everything, she felt excited for just being Laura.