Honeysuckles and Sorrow

TW: Death

   I wasn’t a stupid person, but I rarely used my head for important things, either. It really depended. Living in a orphanage my whole life, I got used to being able to take care of myself, and rarely accepting it from others, which taught me that I was a loner and that nobody else understood how I felt, when in reality I was just like any other poor kid, living a life in quiet disparity. 

  It was a Wednesday morning.

  “Aspen, look!” I heard Dotty exclaim from behind me. “Aspen, look what I found!” I sleepily veered around a corner to the next hallway, where Dotty came running down the hallway, holding something shiny in her hand. “I found a beautiful rock, and I thought you’d like it.” I smiled groggily and took it in my hand. “I never knew the stream could hold such treasures…” I replied. 

  Footsteps echoed down the hallway, and suddenly dread filled my body. Click clack..I saw Dotty’s face drop. We stood right up against the wall, anticipating punishment. “Mmmm. Children.” Ms. Currish spat at our faces. “Sorry Ms, we were only talking-” 

  “No talking in the hallways! I will see to it the next time I catch you mucking around that you reside in detainment.” Ms. Currish, with her nasty old face, scowled at us. If looks could kill, we’d be long gone. After we could no longer hear her thundering footsteps, Dotty grasped my hand and quickly (and rather quietly) pulled me down the hallway, down to the dark and isolating basement to the kitchen, and quickly to the back door. 

  “Hah, they make it easy to escape. You don’t exactly need to be stealthy in order to get out of here.” I whispered as we quietly closed the door and climbed down the path to the sizeable field that sat next to the orphanage. “Aspen… why haven’t we ever tried to leave this place for good?” Dotty said suddenly. There was curiosity but also shame in her eyes. 

  “Dot, there’s… there’s nowhere to go. I know that before I even knew you, I had tried to run away countless times… but… this place is at least better than being homeless.” I said. I could tell that Dotty disagreed, and I did too, but I knew that if we left, we would be immediately removed from each other.

  I quickly changed the subject and we ran across the field to the woods, where a pretty stream sat. Dotty and I loved that place, and whenever we could, we would race there. Beautiful tree canopies, pretty pink flowers, glittering, clear water, and emerald green grass. A fortress made just for children made of imagination. “It’s so peaceful here, Aspen. It’s one in a million that a pretty place like this would be right next to where we live.” She exclaimed. I was lucky to have a friend that enjoyed the little things, even if I rarely said anything. Until lunch, Dotty and I snacked on the ends of honeysuckles and freshly bloomed cherries. 

 The distant sound of the meal bell rang, and we rushed back through the kitchen, and up the stairs where we scurried to the other line of children, all thirteen years or older, like us. The noisy but obedient line followed a girl named Tilly (who was in her high school years) and we got to the dingy lunch room, where our mush was served. 

  We all thanked the lord for our meal (which no child in the room took seriously, but we obeyed for we all knew of the consequences) and then the room descended to chaos, shouting and laughter and malicious children trying to aggravate the older kids by dumping all of there mush onto one another's plate. You’d think this was a nice place to socialize, but there were very much war zones in place for different age groups. 

  After lunch, we were sent to schooling. Arithmetic was my very least favorite, but me and Dotty made little tiny notes pockets that we passed to each other to pass the time. As Ms. Doningham was writing equations on the board, I drew a pretty depiction of a fairy. I was planning to pass it on to Dotty, but as soon as I put down my pencil, Currish walked in with her nasty scowl and her long cane, and for some reason she reminded me of an owl. An owl, I thought. That can’t be right. Owl’s aren’t that scary…

  “Marianne Davis. Come with me.” Her long, old legs escorted over to poor Marianne’s desk, and she grabbed her and pulled her to the front of the class and out the door. I could hear the slapping of skin and a small whimper just down the hall. I know. A spider. She reminds me of a spider. That wretched, horrible woman, she’s a spider, a big black ugly spider. 

  I was mad at her, but to ease my anxiety about it, I ignored it. Poor Marianne, really, but thinking about her would only make me on edge. I then finally noticed the small folded note sitting on the side of my desk.

We’ll really need an escape plan now.

I ignored the note and shoved it under my desk, forgetting it was to be left on the floor. 

  After schooling was over, it was dinner time. By that point, me and Dotty had a fully mapped escape plan, and we planned to do it on Friday night, when Currish the Spider would be on a trip. 

  After the lousy and overwhelming dinner experience, we were all sent to bed with empty and tired bodies. I got into my lonely and cold bed, while Dotty climbed into her lonely and cold bed that sat on the other side of the room from mine, and I slowly went to sleep when I remembered the note Dotty had passed to me was probably still sitting under my desk…

  I woke with a jolt as Dotty stood at the side of my bed, making a forced shushing gesture. “Dotty, you scared-” She scowled at me and put her hand in front of my mouth. She took my hand, and with the most quiet footsteps, and we made our way down… down… down… down…

  A force as strong as me was pulling me. Pulling me away, but from what? From my lonely lonely bed. Where was I? Where was my bed? Was I conscious? Was I even alive? Why was I here, where was here? Dotty, I called. Dotty, stop, I… I’m tired. Let me catch my breath. I heard a voice. Sorry, Aspen. I’m always so afraid of getting caught, I thought it’d be better to go fast. Another voice rang. These voices were distant but familiar. One tired and hoarse, the other sweet and soft. It’s okay...okay… okay… 

  Aspen, Aspen! Aspen, wait, STO-

  I woke up suddenly. I was back in my lonely, cold bed. Good, I thought. It was just a dream. The bell rang just in time, so I got up and got dressed and waited outside of the dorms for Dotty. I waited for a good five minutes until she never came, so I went inside and she wasn’t anywhere to be seen in the room. “Dotty?” The room echoed. Ty?..ty?... ty? 

  When no reply came, I assumed that she had gotten it from Currish, so I got in line for breakfast and anxiously waited at the table next to Marianne as the rest of the kids at our table yelled and threw food at each other. “Hey, Marianne. Have you seen Dotty?” I asked. “No…” She mumbled miserably. “Oh…” I was getting a bit concerned. Ms. Currish entered the lunchroom, looking as disgusted as ever. With all of the courage in my body, I went up to her. “Erm… Miss…” I was hesitant. “Have you seen Dorothy Underwood? I haven’t seen her all morning, I assumed she had broken a rule…” 

  “Aspen Cunning. Get back to your seat, I have no idea where your nasty bug of a friend is, and I suggest you find her so we won’t have to place her in detainment, hm?” Her spider-like self did the daggering eyes and the malicious grin. I was taken aback by the sudden insult, but because I didn’t feel like being punished, I nodded and walked away politely. She wasn’t out sick, she wasn’t with Currish, and she didn’t have any reason to be ignoring me, so then there was no possible place she could be. 

  Marianne had tried to strike a conversation with me about math homework, and I thought Marianne was a nice girl, but I really wasn’t in the mood to chat. Dotty was nowhere to be seen, and it worried me. 

  After breakfast, I snuck out to the woods. We had playtime, and me and Dotty had almost never participated in it. I crossed the pretty field where we had always pretended to be fairies. It made me happy, but my heartbeat raced as I didn’t know what was to come…

  The stream sparkled as beautifully as it always had, but it seemed discolored and dull this time. A head sat in the bank just a few yards ahead, and I broke down as I realized who it was. 

  Her beautiful reddish-golden hair, her tanned skin, and dark freckles, and young face. She was long gone, her face didn’t even look alive. I would have liked to believe that she had been taking a cat nap along the bank and being doused in sunlight and flowers and grass. But no. She was a dead body, washed onshore. 

  I ran. As fast as I could. I thought of all of the things we would have done together. We would have run away together and gone to the city. Dotty had wanted so badly to go to the city, but she always told me how she’d hate to live there, for there was a bit too much excitement and noise, so she’d only like to visit it once and a while. We would have gotten a cottage in the forest, next to a stream, with a bridge and a pretty waterfall or something of that sort. It would be by mountains and pretty plants and all of the animals in the forest. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran. I didn’t head for the orphanage. Or farther into the woods. I ran to the road and sobbed and sobbed as I ran, sweat budding on my forehead, but I couldn’t stop running. I didn’t know where I was running. I was filled with sorrow and confusion. How had she drowned? When did she drown? I would have been with her all that time…

  Was it in the middle of the night? When I had that horrible dream of someone pulling me? Was that Dotty, trying to get me to the stream? And why had she screamed for me to stop, and then there was silence, and I ended back up in my bed… 

  Had I pushed poor, sweet Dotty Underwood into the stream? She must have hit her head and… and drowned… 

  I ran and ran and ran, for miles it seemed like until I hit a small town. I broke down in the middle of the street. I heard sirens behind me and knew it was the cops out for me. I knew they would collect me and bring me back. I was done for, I was dead meat, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I would be put in dumb detainment. I didn’t care. For all I knew, I didn’t have anything else back at the orphanage, especially if I was about to be caught, and in that moment I had never wished I was dead then I did in that moment. I had wished that I were dead, that I had drowned, instead of poor Dot. 

  I was laying there, in the road, when the cops had arrived. A man stood at my feet and moved me a bit to make sure I was still conscious. “You okay, boy?” He asked. I had hated cops, they always scared me, but I was surprised this man talked to me as if he was here to help. I groaned. I didn’t want to move, and I didn’t care if I was going to get hit by a car. “Don’t worry, kid. We’ll bring you to your new home.”

  After that, I remembered very little, although I do remember being put in the back of the police car with a blanket, and thinking about how I wanted to go back to the stream and carry Dotty in my arms and bring her with me.

  Years later, as an adult, I had remembered Dotty one day and had looked in the records. I had never told anyone, not even my wife or foster parents about her. I barely even remembered her myself, and that made me wary of the long-lost times of childhood. Some were sweet like sunlight and love, and others were sour like mushrooms and sorrow. 

  She had been dead for 10 hours when they found her. How she fell and drowned, no one ever knew the cause of the fall. But I knew, and it haunted me until I died. I needed her more than I had ever thought I needed someone.

The End