IDEAL: EVEN BEFORE AND NOW

It was a gathering and a celebration, youth day- where new sprout of seed dealing to its new environment. I was just a simple boy that knows nothing but to enjoy the life into its fullness. I saw you in a distant and I can even miss even a glimpse of you. My eyes keep dragging out to you. My heart beats feels like jumping out of my body and needed to draw near to you. I hesitantly ask your name by I am coward and my feet keep on retreating in war that I know I would never win. I am not confident until I ask your name to one of my friend that knew you. What a wonderful name, Mary is it really you? I keep on searching keep on asking of how well are you, how was your day and even in your number. I texted you hoping I get to know you more. I was surprised that I got a response from you.

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It was a moment that I really had a chance to know you more. I am eager to know your attitude and it really suits me the way a girl i want. I keep on waiting you at school since we are I the same school but in a different level. My eye keeps on searching on you. Waiting to see you even from a  distant. You are aloof in my connection telling me to keep distance for a reason that it affects you also. We are in a thick wall that only can pass through is a simple message- through text not even a call. A young mind and a young soul don’t understand the real meaning of it, only I know that the very first time I saw you- my heart felt something new. You are my ideal girl- it suits you a simple woman not even in other eye but in someone’s eye, it makes me flatter every time a see a glimpse of you. I already knew it was you even from a distant and even the smell of your perfume reminds me how sweet you are. Until the day that I move to college, the very first thing that i miss is you. I often ask my friend how well are you even in a distant place I get to know that you are in a good condition. I am pleasured the way you talk and response in every conversation but sad to say- friendship is the exact limitation for both of us. You clearly stated it over and over again. I assumed something but actually it really hurt me most. Even I knew it already I keep on pursuing hoping that might change your feelings and decision. But NO it never change, I was so disappointed and breaks me so much. I intended to ask you one last question, and you said it again-a big NO. I decide to cut any connection that reminds me of you-ANYTHING.

***

I am happy with my new life, I found girls that for me is just an option. It was never an intention to play their feeling but it was just an option for me. Had several relationship and for just a moment it never work. I want to find something better that you- the person I usually attracted. I am happy now, new friends that fill my heart with joy, my studies and school that very far from the past and little by little my heart never search the aroma of you personally. It was just a regret falling for someone that can’t love you back. Even your name never pass even a blink in my mind, I forgot you totally and concluded that you are just a friendly person, too kind that never give any meaning. It was a peaceful moment that my heart never long for anybody. It’s been three years now that I never had an actual encounter with you. It seems like our fate never cross again for a moment. Even a picture of you was never a cross to my social media; I guess it’s over until now- maybe for now. 

***

One day that I never expect, I saw you riding a bus, were in the same seat and I glaze at your eye, I am happy that I feel nothing the way I felt before. You’ve texted me why I blocked you? My reason is simple, I want to forget the pain and YES I did it. I am happy to be your friend again. Even you surpass my high standard and I agree that you are my ideal, in every way. We’ve got a connection once again after a three long years that had past. You called and I answered just like the old moment but the feeling has gone. You called me, texted me, laugh at me, prank me like nothing has happen. You are happy but not on my part. Still, my minds keep on asking, what really I am to you? Or you’re just the old one- too kind to be true, TOO FRIENDLY.

***

Time fly so fast, you are just the same and meeting in a unexpected moment and event. Same as usual you’re kind and too friendly. The moment I knew that you have a suitor; I already said that I never expect from you. I have loved you once but not for a second time. I gave up long time ago and I will never do it again-hurting myself again because of you. I will just spend my moment thinking how we are before, how happy both of us until you are in someone’s arm that never could be mine. Some people in your life that meant to be friend and meant to be lovers and that thing maybe a simple fact in human’s life. I conclude something that my ideal woman would be just a standard and actually it is just a basis of how you want something and not how you feel. Never expect from someone, God is the  creator of our  path.