Zero Content Satellite Delay

“Hello? … Hello?”

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Hello? Who is—ah, hello, Mum. Is everything alright?”

“Can you hear me?”

“This is a surprise. These calls are expen—yes, I can hear you.”

“What time is it with you, Sweetheart? It’s three-thirty here.”

“There’s a delay, Mum. You have to wait till I stop, then speak. It’s after midnight here.”

“I think there’s a delay on the line. It’s probably because of all the rain.”

“We have to take turns, Mum.”

“Oh, you have a delay too. Midnight! It can’t be that late; it’s only the afternoon here.”

“The rain won’t affect anyth—yes, it’s very late. We’re on the other side of the planet.”

“OK. I’ll wait for you to speak. Then I’ll talk. Your father will want a quick word, too. Other side? Oh, I don’t know how these things work. That sounds like a long cable.”

“That’s it. Just leave a gap after you speak, and I’ll answer. It’s irritating, but we managed last time. Do you remember? We’re ten and a half hours ahead. That’s why it’s so late. The sun is on your side.”

“We didn’t have this delay last time, I would have remembered. Ten hours? No, I don’t think so. I’ll check with your father. Darling? Darling? Yes. I’m on the phone with Susan. Susan, your daughter. He’s half-deaf, you know. What’s that? I know she’s in Australia. I’m speaking to her right now. What? I’m sure it’s not that expensive. Anyway, she says it’s after midnight there. Is that true? Probably? You don’t know? Oh, Susan. He’s useless. We’ll check and let you know next time. Also, there’s no sun here, sweetie; it’s raining. You probably have all the sun. It’s hot there, isn’t it?”

“Mum, please don’t speak to Dad while you’re on the phone. Is everything alright? It’s late, we’re in bed. It’s not too hot at the moment. It’s spring.”

“You broke up there for a moment. You want to speak to your dad? Of course, I’ll just have a minute with you, then you can chat to him. Why are you in bed in the afternoon? What’s wrong with the springs?”

“No, Mum. I don’t need to speak to dad. It’s Spring. The season. Spring. You’re in autumn, we’re in spring. We have the opposite. Do you have something to tell me? I have work tomorrow.”

“You have the opposite, what? Singing? You have to work? Are you still teaching at that school? Speaking of children, your sister has had a little boy. I know the mail takes a long time to get to you so I hope I haven’t spoilt the surprise. It’s amazing that we can talk like this. The other night, there was a television programme about the ‘internet’. Apparently, we will all be able to see each other on little televisions. Do you have television over there?”

“I don’t teach here, Mum. I stopped teaching when we emigrated. You know I retrained as a student counsellor. I talk to the students and make sure they’re alright. Vikki’s little Arthur is nearly six months now, Mum. I have a picture of him right here. Of course we have a TV. Look, Mum. It really is quite late. Is everything OK?”

“I’ll ask your sister to send you a picture of Arthur, of course. It would be nice for you to see him. He’s such a bonnie baby. Always doing the silliest things. I’m sorry to hear you are seeing a counsellor. Is David not pulling his weight? I told your father your husband was a little flakey. I’m sure the move was a wrench, but you can always come back, you know? There’s a beautiful house for sale just up the road from us. Next door to the Stevensons? You know the one? Had that ghastly red gate for ages. Oh, looks like the rain is easing up—hopefully, get the washing out for an hour or so. I’ll put your dad on. Darling? Peter? Come on! Susan’s waiting to speak to you. Mustn’t keep her waiting. It’s a call to Australia.”

“Mum! I don’t need a picture, and we’re doing fine! I don’t need to speak to dad. Mum? Are you there?”

“Hello, Susan. Dad here.”

“Oh. Hi, Dad. Thanks for pausing. Mum’s stream of consciousness is a little overwhelming.”

“What? I am talking to her. You have to wait and listen. Sorry, your mum was talking in my ear. What was that about you being overwhelmed?”

“Dad! No! Everything is fine here. Is everything alright there? It’s quite a surprise to have you call at this hour.”

“That’s good, love. A surprise is always nice. I look forward to it when it arrives. Your mum wants a final word. Please keep it short; these calls are expensive.”

“I don’t have a surprise for you, Dad. I’m not sending anything and I know these calls are expensive.”

“Hello again, it’s mum. I just remembered that you probably don’t know the choir is coming to an end. Edna is getting a little too old to conduct now. I thought I’d mention it since you used to come to all the rehearsals as a little girl. We have our last concert at Christmas. Maybe you could make it over for a visit? That would be nice. I’ll make up the spare room. Let me know if you are still picky about eating. It’s no fish or something, isn’t it?”

“Mum. Mum! Stop talking. Please. Take a breath. What choir? Your choir? I was seven the last time I went to one of those. We can’t come over for Christmas, it’s too expensive. I’m not a picky eater. That’s David’s sister, she’s the vegetarian, and that was one time we—”

“Don’t worry about the expense; it’ll be lovely to have you over for Christmas. I’m sure you can contribute a little something. I’ll keep the salmon off your plate. Right. Your father’s making gestures at me to hang up, so I’d better go. Let us know what flights you book and your father will pick you up from the airport. Try to avoid Wednesdays, though. You know he has his little boys club.”

“Mum! Stop! Listen! We’re not coming over for Christmas.”

“Yes, yes. I’ll stop now. I need to put the washing out. The sun’s suddenly glorious. The beech looks golden in the sun. OK, Sweetie. Have a lovely rest of your day. Hope the rain stops soon for you.”

“Mum! Not coming for Christmas! Not coming.”

“What’s that, love? You’re breaking up. Don’t worry. We’ll speak again soon and see you in a few months. I do so enjoy your letters. I’ll send you a couple of raffle tickets for the community centre autumn fair in my next one. First prize is a large hamper.”

“Mum! Please stop!”

“OK. I think that’s everything. What, Darling? Your father says to get some rest and hope you feel better soon. Lovely to talk. Don’t leave it so long next time. Love you!”

“Mum! You haven’t liste—”

..Click..