Oxy

Everybody wants that. Everybody prays for that but almost nobody ever gets it.  It’s a pipe dream.  It’s michigas.   It’s bullshit.   You know where they get all this money?   They get it from morons like you who order shit from their catalogs and buys their stupid lotto tickets.  

     Hey, Sierra.  What are the chances of winning the goddamn Mega Millions?   It said “one out of 302,575,350.   In other words there ain’t a shot in hell you’re going to win.  The best way to get money is to get a job and NOT buy lotto tickets, cigarettes, or scams.   Oh, I almost forgot.   Hey, Sierra, what are the chances of winning the motherfucking Publisher’s Clearance House?  1 in 6.2 billion.   You’re more likely to see an alien spaceship.   I’m telling you, they’re scams.  The ads?   Someone has to win it.   

     Yeah, in the stupid PCH that’s true, but . . . No, I don’t want to hear this goddamn story again.   I know guy prays to God to win the lotto, and God tells this idiot to buy a fucking lottery.   I know.   I know stocks and bonds are a gamble, but they’re a more logical gamble.  

     Look, there’s a better chance of . . . Fine, you don’t care, so why should I care?  

*

     Fine, watch the goddamn lotto show.   Here are the winning numbers for the Mega Millions.   Are you a winner?   It’s more likely NASA will discover alien life forms on the Sun than that your numbers’ll match.   

    You got to be shitting me?   You better do some research.   You gotta hire an accountant, a lawyer, and you better learn to budget.   Remember what we talked about with the pie.   No, not the 3.14 pi, the round pie.   Remember, 54% go to IRS, 5 percent go to crazy shit like a new car and a house.  Then, y’all gotta invest in a Roth IRA.   You remember that or we gotta go over it again?   

    We do.  Of course.   Remember, most people who win the lottery, wind up more and miserable than when they started.   They don’t know who be their friends no more or who be trying to scam them from their money.  

    No, I ain’t one of the scammers.   Why would I give you good advice if I was scamming you?   You think I want this publicity?   I don’t.  You think I want scammers trying to marry and divorce me?   I don’t.  You think I want my phone ringing twenty-four a day, seven days a week with sob stories?   I don’t.   Nope.  I don’t want none of that.   It’s all yours.  

Reverse psychology? No it ain’t. No, I don’t want it. I want my life outside the spotlight. Normal spouse, 2.3 kids, roof over my head, cars in the garage, and I get to watch the news instead of be the news. No pictures, no newspapers, no newscasters, just a house with an alarm system that never goes off.

    Our number is unlisted.   No telemarketers, no solicitors, no politicians, just some good old peace and quiet.  Maybe a night out at the movies or the mall for fun.   No cameras.  No TMZ.  So, go to the state,?get your photo taken, and say goodbye to everything and everyone you’ve ever known.  

Ok.  Not nice knowing you.  

*

    So, I listened to him.  I went to the City Hall.   They told me to go to the address on the back of the lotto ticket, so I hitched a ride.   They were friendly, but said I needed a state ID and social security card.  

     I went back to City Hall and City Hall told me the guy who told me he didn’t want to win the lottery had it.   Why would he have it?   But, I go back and he’s still there, reading a book about embarrasado.  

     I tell him about my journey and he rolls his eyes and goes into the safe.   He gives me the cards and warns me not to lose them.  

    So, I started again, but this time went back to the lotto place.  They looked at the lottery ticket and my cards, but took a long time.  Why?   What they doing?   Then, they come back and tell me minors need an adult with social security card and ID to cash a lottery ticket.  

    So, I go back, hitchhike, but it’s getting late, and no one’s picking me up.   It’s getting dark and it’s harder to see me.   I try shouting, but no one hears me.   I walk back to the lotto people, but they say they can’t let me use their telephone since someone once used them for 1-900 numbers.  So, I walk out and look for a pay phone, but I don’t see one.   I feel hungry.   I keep hitchhiking, but the sun’s decrecendoing.  Then, it’s dark and I’m scared and hungry.   I put my cards and lotto ticket in my pocket and lay down on the pavement.   Maybe someone’ll pick me up tomorrow.  Maybe.  

     Pavement is hard and course, so I look for some grass, but there ain’t no grass nowhere.   So, this be what it’s like to win the lottery.   Everybody chasing me down.   It be bullshit.   No one cares about the disabled, unless it’s their job.  

     I try rolling up into a ball, like dogs do to stay warm, but it doesn’t work.   I feel for my cards and lotto ticket and they’re there.  I wonder if that mall call my parents or if I gots a microchip in me or something.    But no one comes.   I’m a poor rich boy.   That ain’t no oxymoron. 

      I guess he be right.  What’s good all the money in the world if I’s can’t use it?   Wish I had one them’s portable phones.  

       Then, I’s hear night noises.   Like crickets, howls, and I ain’t sure if I’s be shivering ‘cause I be cold or ‘cause I be scared.  

      I wonder if other young lotto winners ever went through this.   This be crazy.   Then, i’s feel things be crawling up my body.   Small things like flies, tics, cockroaches, worms, and i’s put my hand over my IDs and lotto ticket and I be shivering.  And I be praying, God, don’t let these bugs eat me up no more.

I be feeling itchy, too. This be bad. Wish I knew to bring live in guy. Wait? What his name be? I be thinking about it and then I be hearing my name, soft, but loud and it be echoing. I listen and I’s be hearing me name again.