Black Friday at the Megamall

Trisha Hartley was supposed to meet her husband, Don, by the South entrance to Books 'n' Things inside the newly opened nine-story mega mall at 12:15 PM on Friday November 24th, 1989. It was Black Friday. Trisha was running late.

The 200,000 square foot Books 'n' Things, along with the rest of the massive retail center in which it resided, was having its fifth day of an aggressively advertised soft opening week for the public and nobody had properly prepared for the enthusiastic turn out. Security staff was stretched dangerously thin by 11:47 AM. Additional attention and management beyond what each stores’ retail workers could reasonably provide was needed to support the never-ending flow of eager shoppers. Security teams were dispersed throughout the site to negotiate necessary forced tandem parking, prevent line-skippers and spot-savers, temporarily remove maximum capacity signs located around the building, and thwart stampedes on free samples from the fifth-floor food court vendors.

When the red-faced seventeen-year-old Kung Bao Cuisine worker announced with a crack in his voice that the last of the complimentary-with-any-purchase-exceeding-ten-dollars sweet & sour nugget cups had been served, there was a momentary hush over the hitherto tempestuous crowd. That silence held just until someone's Body By Beauty swag bag loaded with tiny hand cream samples and nighttime nasal strips was chucked in frustration into the face of head security officer, Darrell Delaney.

(A veteran of the First Cod War (1958-1961), Delaney had previously had a taste of dissent while serving in the Royal Navy as a ship navigator for the HMS Russell. It was during that fateful afternoon of September 4^th when Icelandic patrol vessel ICGV Ægir attempted to chase a British trawler away from the fishing waters off the Westfjords. Delaney had cried out in agony as the HMS Russell collided with the ICGV Ægir. The collision, though not purposeful, did succeed in thwarting the Icelandic boat’s endeavor to shoo the British fishing vessel away from the contested waters without major damages to either ship. But Delaney was so incensed with the lack of care for the HMS Russel’s outer shell by his commanding officer, despite Delaney’s expeditious warnings of the impending collision, that he immediately deserted by jumping overboard. Delaney, in a state of hypothermia, was found and rescued several hours later by Icelandic coast guard vessel María Júlía whose own captain was Iceland’s first openly gay red-headed captain, Hilmar Gunnarson.)

As the swag bag crashed into Delaney’s face, he thought first of his looming lunch break and the chicken curry salad with raisins that he had had carefully packed for himself the night before. His second, third, and fourth thought were the different responsible and professional ways to handle the current and quickly escalating situation. Delaney’s fifth thought was identical to the one he had 31 years ago on board the barely dinged HMS Russell. As the food court crowd rushed the Kung Bao Cuisine counter, Delaney stood his ground long enough to unclip the walkie-talkie on his belt and hand it to the seventeen-year-old Kung Pao Cuisine employee before being swept away by the turbulent swarm of confused, displeased, and a bit peckish consumers.

Don, Trisha Hartley’s husband, was on the fourth floor enjoying a tube of freeze-dried tomato bisque with Wisconsin white sharp cheddar cheese when the spillover of chaos from the fifth-floor food court poured down the second bank of the South’s central escalators. It was 12:13 PM and he was two hundred yards north of the South entrance to Books ‘n’ Things. The exact time and his location were confirmed with footage captured by the three security cameras of the Astronaut’s Automat self-serve cafeteria cart. Unfortunately, this would be the last known recorded image of Don. He disappeared from view as the food court horde mushroomed across the fourth floor and down the escalators to the third.

At 12:17 PM, Book ‘n’ Things assistant manager made the executive decision to lock down the store with all the currently contained people inside so as to protect the company’s physical stock of books and things from the now riotous masses of the megamall. Along with 1,285 other shoppers, 87 employees, and 2 dedicated security guards, Trisha Hartley hunkered down inside the store for eleven hours before local police and the national guard were able to secure the mega mall and bring order back to the building, one of only five in the country to have its own postal code at the time.

Upon rescue, Trisha Hartley told a Guardsmen that she was sure her husband would be waiting for her at home and most likely miffed about her having missed their scheduled rendezvous at the South entrance as she has always had a bad habit of not being punctual.

Don, unlike Darrel Delaney, has not been seen since that devastating day, dubbed the Kung Pao Injustice by consumer advocates. It is believed he fled the stampede for the safety of the employees-only internal passages entrance located just out of view from the Astronaut’s Automat’s cameras. The employees-only internal passages of the mega mall were specifically designed by Chicago-based architect firm Janney & Jans to ensure staff who was not employed within each specific retail space would not have easy access to the other retail spaces within the building, reducing theft and supporting retail loss and prevention programs. Janney & Jans, lamentably, was not able to see the mega mall construction to completion as their Chicago offices were shut down after an unexplained building fire killed all 64 employees and injured 132 other building inhabitants when no one could figure out how to exit their respective floors’ emergency stairwell. The building of the mega mall was eventually finished two years beyond schedule by three different contractors.

Search parties were sent into the depths of the mega mall. Lead investigators subpoenaed records from Janney & Jans and the various mega mall contractors in hopes of piecing together the Escher puzzle that was the employees-only internal passages to no avail. The internal passages have become an infamous uncrackable code by engineer, math, and puzzle enthusiasts worldwide. The search for Don continued for twenty-six weeks before the Hartley family and local officials agreed to end the hunt. During those weeks many clues and signs of habitation were found in the internal passages. Supplies and messages were placed in strategic areas, rescue teams searched and camped out in shifts, and even the Hartley family dog was enlisted though he was never a big fan of Don. Nothing led to Don’s discovery. The mega mall is still open to this day and replete with Bigfoot-like sightings of a man howling out a single phrase before disappearing into the depths of the massive building once more; “Triiiish, ya get your books ‘n things or what?!”

Nine years after the Kung Pao Injustice, Darrel Delany spoke to reporters from his home in Seydisfjordur, Iceland. “We don’t celebrate Christmas or the birthdays. Halloween is nice but don’t do that one either. Not American by birth so certainly never cared to celebrate Thanksgiving. But Black Friday is different. That’s the day that I figured it all out. Yeah, I know a lot of people got hurt, businesses were destroyed, they say some man got lost in the building forever. But I’m not lost. Not anymore. I’m right where I belong.” Hilmar Gunnarson was at his side.