I struggle; I fall every hurdle faced with the demining errors of my past. I see it now where I want to be, how I want to be accessible away from all the mishaps of life.
There is a sign outside my house in two different directions. One route leads to my warrior, my hero, my beloved grandad, where he shines the brightest of the stars.
The other road leads to failures I have faced in this little life as I come to a halt at a crossroads.
I see my path; it is either the goodness or the badness. I take each path and approach them with caution.
The first path is beautiful, and I am not afraid of the heavenly sky.
The path I approach is broken, and I try to climb the road as there is a hill, but I fall. I keep on falling below, broken by my heart and the achievements of being good at writing. I have tried to please the judges, but the judges don't seem to come through, for they choose the damaged pathway, and I break down in tears, deflated, useless as a flat tyre loose on the road. I can't take any more rejection. I say to mum; it keeps flooding in. I try to be the best I can be, but no matter what I do, I fail at every turn in the road. I think back to the crossroads to the paths and choose my grandad's way. He smiles up at me, and I feel at home in heaven's delight.
He is my world. Without him now, I see no light. He seems to sense my tension.
" my apple of my eye, my dearest granddaughter, I see that you are struggling with life not being able to take rejection is hard, and you may feel like you cannot achieve.
But know hard work doesn't happen overnight. It's a constant climb
I seem to take in his words, and even though I am a little sad with my life and how every day seems to be a constant climb, I take on his wisdom his courage; I am genuinely grateful as I begin my reply to him.
My beloved grandad, I will take through what you have taught me. My heart goes in the hands of god, and im lucky enough to see you in heaven one last time before I return to earth. Can I ask one thing in life better than death?
My words don't injure him; instead, he says, my love, my firstborn; no, it is better than life or death. In heaven, we have to face barriers just like you do on earth.
Life is no bowl of cherries
Death is no bowl of cherries
Whatever happens in life as death follows, you can never get away from the fact that life is full of possibilities
Death too has some, but no matter what, you will get there, I promise.
I start to feel happier already, and I know it's my time to go back to earth.
As I am transported back to the universal world of life, I am relieved but curious to know what comes next. I am not afraid to take these ingesting rejections just like an injection. They only want to help me improve.
I try my best to get over all the weird stuff like I am not good enough, I am never going to win a competition, I am never going to get recognised, I am a defeatist, I am never going to get my dream of being a published author.
I am always facing these inner demons constantly fighting with me like the devil, and then there are times when I do sometimes get recognition for my work, and I self doubt that people are only publishing me for good luck only to add up the numbers. There is more than one writer; it feels as if the barriers get worse.
1, 2, 3 I am down again, but I know it's just my mental health playing tricks on me. My subconscious is good at that.
It plays like a record timeless obscure this darkness covers me again, and now it feels like I am sinking below.
In a swimming pool of lies. I turn to my life again remember what grandad said to be brave.
I am no longer afraid again as I hear his comforting voice.
I am home again. I drift back to the light, and I don't let go. I know life can be full of darkness, but it can bring happiness, and no matter what life brings to me, I will hold onto my granddad's friendly advice. Also, I will not give up. Even if it takes years, I will get there as I am strong.
I believe that no matter what, my mental health will not beat me; I will beat it. The storm that can happen is broken, but I can watch it unfold. Kindness will gather.
Grandad, I miss you as I say goodbye one more time. I love you your my world. Even though life has not been kind to me, I believe that you are the greatest gift anyone can give the things I have learnt since I have been connected with the spiritual world.
1. Always keep an open mind never give up.
2. Listen to your guardian angel
3. And finally, don't let life get in the way of your hopes and dreams.
Rejections make you stronger and will conquer the defeat of any obstacles.
The only obstacle in this life is our belief, achieving and dream, and we will get there.
Success starts with life, and no matter what, rejection will transpire but never let it get you down, for the storm makes the world stronger.
Light at the end of the tunnel, bright and beckoning, there is a rainbow at every corner.
Grandad, your advice will help me be robust and complete my dream of becoming a successful writer.
This is not the end of the road this will complete my journey throughout every mental illness.
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2 comments
There's a dreamlike quality to this piece, reinforced by metaphors like "where he shines the brightest of the stars" and the two roads outside the house, and the constant theme of journey. On a technical side, there are some awkward phrases and the occasional typo, which are distracting. For example, I'm not clear on the meaning of "Can I ask one thing in life better than death?" particularly with the grandfather's response. The themes of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy are probably familiar to all writers. Certainly I've been there ...
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Thank you for your feedback I appreciate it.
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