WAR OF WORDS

“It is mine and you can’t have it.” To explain, I have to go back three days.  But before that you will ask who I am. I am Fez, a fisherman of Rubi Isle. RI is on planet tellus - earth’s twin about 800 years younger. I am 20 and live with my wife. We have no children. Three days ago I was summoned by Rook the supreme law giver of RI. He worked only late evenings and it was nearly dark when I reported to him.

He asked “Fez did you inform us that the Dragon bandit was back?”

The bandit had the tattoo of a dragon on his thigh. I had noticed it when he had come to the wharf to earn money helping fishermen carry their catch.

I said “Yes sir.”

“We had announced a reward of 100 gold coins for reporting dragon. It is now yours.” He drew out a canister and handing it to me said “Count it.”

I did and was satisfied. Rook said “Before you take it you’ve to pay me the court fee of 10% or 10 gold coins. The king has increased the fees.”

I looked longingly at the canister when Rook said “I can understand you not wanting to part with even a portion of what you’ve got.” He thought a bit and said “Fez, will you say I had given you 110 coins? It will improve my image.”

I jumped at it and said “I’ll declare I had received 110.”

Packing the canister in a bag I made beeline to the house of my mistress Lima who lived alone.

She received me warmly and said “Come and have dinner. I’ve fried fish made the way you like it.”

As I had dinner I told her how I got the reward of 100 gold coins. I added “Those are in this canister.”

She was extra warm and asked “Would you like to spend the night with me? It’s been a week since you came here.”

I said “First in the dark, let me bury this canister in your garden for safety.”

She joined me in the operation and after that we shared the liquor she had. We then went to bed. I had free access to every part of her bare sumptuous frame and in my frenzy loudly spanked her derriere.

She said laughing “I enjoyed it but the neighbors are sure to come looking for the source of this noise!”

“Let them! Looking at you they will say my doing is justified. The Supreme Maker has made these also for manhandling!”

She squealed and whispered “These may not attain the original size again!”

I continued proceedings and finally she said “You’re a great lover.”

I went home later. I was back in the evening after two days and dug up the canister with Lima watching. As I took it out she said “It’s mine. You can’t have it.”

I was shocked and said “I wanted to use this money to rebuild my house.”

“Sorry! I also need it. You buried it here. So it is mine.”

We argued and I said finally “Let us settle this matter with the law giver Rook.”

She said “He’ll surely support me. Let us go.”

We were soon seated in front of Rook where I explained the problem.

Rook asked “Why did you bury the gold in Lima’s garden?”

I said “To tell you the truth if I took the coins home my wife would’ve seized them. I hate her.”

 “Since you used Lima’s premises she has a share in it. She can’t say all 100 belong to her. I rule that each of you take 50 coins. Of course each of you must pay 5 coins for my decision.”

I said “That means I’ll be left with 45 coins only. It would be insufficient to rebuild my house.”

Lima was infuriated with the decision and shouted at me saying “It was you who suggested going to Rook.”

I shouted back at her and we were engaged in a war of words as Rook looked on. In her anger she threw a slipper at me and scratched my face besides pounding my head. I decided to assault her but as I attempted it Rook got up and stopped it.

He said “Remember this is the office of the law giver, in fact a court room. I had to take action to prevent further violence. It attracts a fine of 10 gold coins each.”

Suddenly Lima cooled. She was silent a few moments and said to me “You fool! See where that leaves us? Only 35 coins each!”

I got angry and getting up slapped her. She pounced on me and gripping the hair on my head tried to upend me. Rook jumped up and separated us.

He said “The law office has prevented further gross violence. Fine is 5 coins each.”

I said “Lima, we’re left with 30 coins each. Is that right? Let us ask Rook.”

“Remember asking him may mean incurring court fee expenditure again.”

I got up to attack her again and she warned “Rook will impose more fines on us.”

Rook said “It isn’t me. The king has levied the fees so that unnecessary litigation and violence are avoided. If you remark on the levies you’ll face contempt of court charges besides which will be costly.”

 After some thought Rook said “I’ll give you some free advice. Don’t quarrel. Share whatever is left of the 100 or I should say 110 gold coins.”

Lima shouted “Fez you had said 100 coins. You tried to cheat me.”

Fez said “I’ll explain.”

Rook said “Don’t quarrel. I only wanted to remind Fez of what he should say if he is asked.”

She said “That means you get 10 coins.”

“A man has to live! Don’t accuse me. It will prove very costly.”

I asked “What is your free advice?”

“You can pool the gold, move in with Lima and live luxuriously till the money lasts.”

“I don’t want a kind of husband now.”

“I also don’t want to leave my wife. Her father and her brother give us money.”

Lima laughed and said “To spend on me! They are naïve!”

I got up wanting to slap Lima when she said “Remember your anger will only result in being fined. You stand to lose more money.”

I sat back and saw Rook sitting amused.

Rook said “Fez, Lima seems to have more sense than you. I’ll close the case. After you reconcile you can consider coming here and giving me a container of choice liquor. Tell the liquor shop it is for me and you’ll get a substantial reduction.” He turned to me and whispered “This woman is well-endowed and is sensible. Make up with her and enjoy.”

The war of words hadn’t spoilt our relationship and we walked together to her home.

END