Lost In The City

No Phone! No Sat Nav! Where the hell was I?

Jock MacLintock was having a rare, quiet Friday night in. Feet up on the reclining sofa and watching crappy American cop dramas on the TV. This was bliss he thought.

His phone buzzed loudly, it was his daughter, Mary. “Dad! Dad! We’ve missed the last train home” she sobbed.

“Mary it’s OK, calm down and tell me where you are and who’s with you.”

“Rhonda and Keith are here. We’re at the Hillpeat underground station. It's not a good area Dad, we’re scared.”

“Mary, do you see anywhere you could go, till I get there?”

“Yeah, we could go back to the pub we were in. It's an old converted church on Myreton Road. It’s called The Crooked Spire.”

“OK hang on while I Google it. OK got it, I’m 45 minutes away so go back there and I’ll come and get you.”

He finished the call and put his phone on the table. He hurriedly put his shoes on, grabbed his coat and ran out the door. He fired the car up and went to punch in the postcode on the sat nav. “Dam!” he cursed to himself. The sat nav was playing funny buggers again. He set off anyway as he knew roughly where he was going.

He raced along the motorway, at this time of night it was quiet, so he put his foot down, driving faster than he normally would. He hoped there weren’t any traffic police patrolling tonight, however, he was sure they’d understand his predicament. He was heading for the Drumalder cut-off, which would take him into the city centre, not far from where he needed to go.

Disaster! As he approached the junction there were traffic cones across the junction and the road was closed. It was OK though as he would take the next one and double back. He hadn’t driven in the city for a few years though and the road layouts had changed, one-way roads and bus lanes meant he had to rethink his route. He was sure he was heading the right way so he ploughed on through dark and unfamiliar streets. The street on the left was the one he wanted but that was closed too so he followed the diversion signs. Taking him further into the city he was completely lost and disoriented, there were no landmarks he recognised to follow.

Pulling over into a layby, he would check where he was and calculate a new route. He searched his pockets and the floor of the car for his phone, then he remembered he hadn’t lifted it off the table. He had no phone and a broken sat nav. Where the hell am I? he thought. He was getting anxious, he’d been over an hour and Mary would be wondering where he was and he didn’t know how far away he was. He drove around in circles and then did the most unmanly thing he could have. He stopped a couple he saw, told them his predicament and asked for directions to the pub.

They were brand new and the guy said “You're not far from there. Head to the end of this road and you’ll see a sign for the motorway. Take a left turn just after that, then turn left at the lights. Don’t worry man, you’re daughter will be OK in the pub it’s a nice place.” Jock thanked them and set off again.

The sign for the motorway was ahead so he signalled left as he approached it, turned left and nearly shouted in frustration. There were at least 5 sets of traffic lights in the first 200 yards of the road. Taking a left at the first set of lights he crawled along the road looking for the pub. Nothing, so he drove on, turning up streets on the left and right, nothing. He even headed up a street like a farm road but it had no streetlights and looked like it was headed nowhere so he turned back. Everywhere he drove led to dead ends. He started banging his hands on the steering in frustration wheel imagining his daughter trying to phone him and getting upset and anxious because he wasn’t answering his phone.

He drove to the lights again, taking a left turn at the second set of lights. These were streets and dead ends similar to the ones he had just been driving around. He was worried now as he’d been driving for nearly two hours. He had images of his daughter and her friends being chucked out of the pub when it closed and being scared because they were in a strange part of the city. He had to banish these thoughts from his mind and find the pub.

Jock drove around trying to find his way back to the main road and all the traffic lights. He passed the same taxi twice as it was parked at the side of the road. He bit the bullet and asked the taxi driver how far and where The Crooked Spire pub was. The driver said the pub was about 10 minutes away. He was waiting to pick up a fare and would drive past the pub so Jock could follow him as it was difficult to explain how to get there.

They set off and headed to the first set of traffic lights Jock had taken. He was heading up the same roads as he’d driven around earlier. Along the same farm road, Jock was thinking that the driver was taking him on a wild goose chase as he’d been along here. About half a mile past the point where Jock had turned back, he saw streetlights appearing. The taxi driver drove further on and stopped at a junction, he stuck his hand out the window and pointed down the street. Jock saw the name, Myreton Road, he breathed a sigh of relief, flashed his lights and waved at the taxi as a gesture of thanks.

He followed the road for about 500 yards, then saw the pub on the right-hand side. He drove into the car park and found a spot to park. He took a couple of minutes to compose himself then headed into the pub. He’d been driving for over two hours and feared his daughter would be distraught as she wouldn’t have been able to get in touch and he was later than he said. He searched the pub to find his daughter and her friends. When he saw them he hugged her and said he was sorry for being late.

Mary looked at him and said “Dad are you OK? You look like you're gonna cry.”

“I thought you’d be upset because you wouldn’t have been able to call me and I was running mega late. I left my phone in the house and the sat nav was broken again. I drove round and round trying to find you. I even asked for directions twice.”

“Stop being a daftie dad. When I couldn’t get you I knew you’d be driving so wasn’t worried. We’re in a pub drinking, waiting on you, what’s not to like about that?”

They all piled into the car and Mary said “I’ve got the directions home so I’ll tell you where to go. Christmas is in two months and we want to get home before then.”

Everyone in the car started laughing.