Day 33

“We'll only be apart for 33 days. I think we can survive!”

“First the gratitude journal, now this.” I mumbled that because I didn't want Calla to take offense to my disgruntle view on what I really thought about laws of attraction nonsense. I had to humor her or else she'll get even more worked up about the wedding in 3 months. Did I say humor her? No, what I meant was agree with her like a good little husband-to-be or else I'm starting this marriage off with probability. And one thing I'm not probable about is Calla. She is my world which is why I agreed 2 weeks ago to start a gratitude journal with her as a couple.

“Tristen, I'm serious. It's an excellent way to manifest your goals into reality. When I started it a year ago, I received a company bonus of $7,000, bought a ES 350, got my Moyra boots, and met you!”

I love how she mentions me last right after the boots. It shows she loves me the most, right? I am a firm believer of that song “Saving the Best For Last”.

Anyway, Calla continued. “I mean outside of you darling, everything is replaceable. I simply think we met because I was feeling so grateful. Can you imagine if we started a journal together?”

And here we are 2 weeks later, going on a 'Grateful Solo Retreat' per brochure. And I blame our gratitude journal. Why? Because on page 1 Calla wrote she was grateful to have such an open-hearted and honest relationship. Thanks to Laws of Attraction my cover is about to be blown on what I really think, I just know it. I mean why would a soon to be married couple go on a singular vacation across the country from each other? I think I agreed because I might of heard Grateful Dead festival instead.

Supposedly according to a relationship therapist Josephine Foster Ph.D. might I add, it's this modern new age trend that is proving to work wonders on new relationships heading for the old ball and chain. The idea is to send Calla and I to skiing resorts in 2 different states. Calla is going to Vermont and I am going to California. Why ski resorts you ask? Beats the hell out of me, I mean considering we both aren't fans of skiing or snow really, I'm sure it's some psychological explanation for it. Given that we are to take this time to reflect on ourselves individually and us as a union, the therapist suggests that for 33 days we send each other 1 email a day expressing ourselves to one another in a hallmark card kind of way and the evenings are for us individually. Grateful Dead tunes to party to you ask? Far from it. It's hot yoga sessions, steam rooms, and spa treatments. Eh? I must really be in love, because what I really wanted to say to Dr. Foster and Calla both is that this is not man friendly at all and I'm getting worried.

It's done now, booked, bagged, and settled in the extremely relaxing plush suite.

To: calla.l.flowers@net.com

Subject: Day 1

Roses are sometimes white

Violets are always purple

I love that you named your 1^st car green turtle

Now that was odd to mention at this time

Who can blame a handsome fellow with no talent to rhyme

It's just so strange they lie about the color of flowers

Not Calla Lilies I should know, she's my lady with all the powers

Well there goes. 1 day down, 32 more to go. My hope is that she thinks that email was so corny, she falls even more in love with me considering her entire name is actually Calla Lily Flowers and she ironically hates flowers. So you can imagine other sentimental ideas I have to come up with to keep up with my romance, given poetry is definitely not my strong suit. To my dismay her grateful email is way better than mine, of course. Oh dear God, this is going to be a long month.

To: calla.l.flowers@net.com

Subject: Day 15

I appreciate you for laughing at my jokes

When I know I'm not that funny

But your laugh ripples like music notes, reminds me of honey

Pouring into my yerba mate tea

Although I much rather prefer black coffee

I love every part of you even the sides you think are too scary

It's what makes me go beyond for you

I told you this already

But I don't mind to tell you 33 more

I want eternity with you times 44

It's only been 2 weeks and while I'm enjoying this trip more than I care to admit, all the steam sessions and incense soaking has totally got me wrung out of my sarcastic humor I didn't realize I used as a safety net apparently according to El Royal the yoga instructor. This coming from a dude that actually teaches something called Hot Stuff Yoga. Uh oh, I'm doing it again. But in all seriousness I think I gotta take some accountability for that one, because I think one of my 'thank you emails' might of struck Calla the wrong way. Let's just say, all this self reflecting has me picking up on my lover's inner child wounds, as Dr. Foster puts it.

To: calla.l.flowers@net.com

Subject: Day 18

I don't know who's responsible for bringing us together, destiny or fate

Or if the two mean the same thing, kind of like you and me, yin and yang

What I do know is that when you walked into my life the motion of the planet stopped

And gravity made me realize I've been off-center all along

You set me at a balance of love and truth because of your truth before we even spoke

I'm thankful we never needed a trend to tell us where to go, how to love each other, or who we're destined to be together

Our connection defies all the colors and labels of time

My truth is that I never needed a retreat from you or a gratitude journal to know and feel in my heart you are my home

I'm honored you chose me to walk this path by your side

I'm grateful you remembered me from previous past lives

Eternity my love is here within yours and I'll spend forever showing you with words but even more with action

Counting down the days is an understatement to how I feel and its not because I didn't cherish some solitude. This time has really made me come to grips with the identity that I created out of protection for my sensitivity. Spending time away from Calla with a itinerary of self-care made me realize why I'm so blessed to be with her. Putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper allows you to really be who you are and to be patient with yourself while you can appreciate the difference you make in someone else's life. Gratitude makes you more aware of the life around you and not the distractions. The love around us is very much present and felt. And while I couldn't be me without my occasional Tristen skepticism, I have more self-respect to honor my feelings truthfully and I can now share them honestly with someone I respect whole-heartedly.

To: calla.l.flowers@net.com

Subject: Day 33

You are someone who rarely gives up on people and sees the good in unfortunate circumstances

You rose from the fire with burns and you mended others instead

The first person I need to talk to whenever something good happens

The last person I have to fall asleep next to after we've spent all night laughing

Thank you for showing me what I needed when I didn't know it was needed

Your kindness and passion you exude make you more than special

Your heart is gold

And I will cherish you with respect and love, in that energy we can never grow old

Aren't you grateful that in less than 11 hours you get to see me

Jumping Jehoshaphats we made it to Day 33!

We decided that we would meet at a layover somewhere in the middle to travel back together because to my surprise she couldn't wait to see me too. We talked about our discoveries and our encounters in response to the gratitude journals and learning more from each other from our emails. I thought I knew most things about Calla but this trip showed me she has a lot more mystery than I thought initially.

“I love flowers actually and wondered why you never got them for me. Calla lilies were just...my mother's favorite flower and you know it's hard for me to look at them because of her death.” She struggled to form her words and all I could do was embrace her with my entire heart. I always wanted to ask but never wanted to upset her and at that moment my heart fell even more open.

“I promise to never stop learning about you.” I took a deep inhale to breath her in like she was a delicate flower and she says.

“Since you don't like yerba mate tea then you'll love ashwaganda tea instead of coffee, darling.”