Her_ownhero

I am stuck in the middle of nowhere at a highway near Ghaziabad,India. I am lost.. I left all my bags in the public transport because it was getting dark and I got off at a special spot, I am wearing a short dress and passing vehicles (Majorly truck drivers are looking at me only to make me feel more uncomfortable.. I booked another uber got in the cab, faked a phone call and only to loudly say the uber guy started deviating from the map route and tried to be over friendly. I was scared, I kept my calm, put my phone on airplane mode and acted as if I was getting a call and I said 'Yeah I am done with my police training for the day, I have sent you the details and you can track.. the guy drove for sometime and started. Driving in map guided location..

I saved 'Myself' from something that didn't feel right. I am not sure about how intense the things would have become if wouldn't have called..

I started working very early (as per Indian standard for a pampered kid) and have many experiences of people trying to exploit me at work for my honesty in terms of wanting guidance.. for my age and for my poor financial circumstances..

I was scared of losing a job that paid me 13k/month of night shift because I wasn't confident that I'd be able to get another one..

Someone who was in a senior position knew about my finances already and offered to help me intending if I would sleep with him he'd do wonders for me.. I am not saying what is right or wrong for people who'd name a decision otherwise but I felt pathetic and degraded, I felt cheap and depressed from being a cheerful person I became a quiet person.. I resigned and during ny notice period I convinced myself that I will have to speak if I don't, someone else would be in my position. He complimented my hair I chopped my hair, told myself to learn from it and not back down.. I raised a POSH, put it out for everyone to know..He apologised and I left from there respectfully ' I felt proud of myself' .. I feel alot contented about who I was and I saved myself from getting into depression and staying in it.. I didn't let that moment define me.

I am my own hero..

I was madly in love, head over heels, he meant the world to me.. he said I was worthless and I thought it was true, he was abusive and spoilt my self respect.. while he was loving and caring.. but a mutual respect for me supercedes everything else.. I made the most difficult decision of my life when I decided to quit my relationship.. it was the most beautiful time of my life . I still cherish it and remember exactly how I felt in that moment..

I said 'No relationship is supposed to demotivate you or drag you as low as a space where you lose your self respect..

I saved my dignity like that, it was difficult because I let him comfortably do things to me that I wasn't okay with.. I taught myself to say NO in love because more than anything that's what made more sense to my energies and made me feel human, peace fed my soul..

The idea of loving each other no matter what has taken a wrong turn where one person comfortably could constantly disrespect you and you feel completely in love about it..

I saved myself from this emotional roller coaster before I totally hit the ground..

For years I thought I wasn't good enough..

Stayed single. Called out men who didn't treat me right.. put my foot down in each moment of uncomfort (I am still work in progress but I'll get their..

I have saved myself from being a clueless human, suicidal kid,with messed up equation with people including her own parents to a certified trainer whose people management skills are an 7/10.. I saved myself by not changing but upgrading myself to stay compatible with changing times, changing circumstances.. at times I wonder how I could stay strong with no backup but I think not having anything is what made me stronger. I identified it and no matter how difficult it got.. I convinced myself to be my positive self because I identified that life will never be fair and it is okay, it has to be okay because above everything looking for a silver lining or just enjoying what I could in a given moment is what I started being in present..

With my positive unbothered by opinions of people who didn't matter..

I created a life where being a trainer I could influence all my learnings and I see people relationship getting better, people's careers are better.. I say if I can even you can..

From a kid who was just going to commit suicide to a woman who slogged to meet basics to a woman who has identified her core happiness in life.

I was so lost my all the pressure that I no longer knew what I felt.. I saved myself always with a quote loud in my mind 'I don't know what I want but I do know what I don't want, whatever doesn't feel good instutively isn't worth my energy.

I put myself beyond after thing else after a long day of sprinkling a Hey! Nicee shirt,I love your earrings!!! Let me buy another one kg from this roadside vendor.

A person who accepts his flaws, isn't too full of him/herself, humble, compassionate, loves themselves, not be too attached to materials, enjoys finer things in life like family time, coffee/chai with their parents, doesn't make work priority over family.. (I take leaves on my father's birthday/death anniversary to be with my mom.. I try to windup work quicker for mom's or brother's birthday..)

Doesn't depend on others to make them happy.. if someone comes along it would be merrier if not they still feel good and enough. 

The world will give you logics and would want you to feel otherwise but someone who picks genuine happiness as good as 'Feeling good in the moment'.

Makes enough money to afford everything but has enough time and longing to cherish his/her fav food cooked by their fav person.💖

That's what I always try to be.. I am a work in progress, this may change over time but I will always want to become this person.

I am my own HERO and I believe in every bit of it

©thegirlintheparalleluniverse