I cant do it..

Ash couldn't celebrate New Year's eve. She was unsure why. maybe because she couldn't go through with the fact that the year was coming to an end. It was full of so much tragedy that has happened. In the span of one year she suffered much loss and heartache. She lost her brother,her father, her grandparents lost their brother and couldn't go see him. My Aunt was forced to give up her dignity after 12 years since her uncle decided to ask her permission for his marriage. She has never seen her cry so hard out of anger and hatred towards the world. 

Nonetheless she would still comfort her even when she is of the age where it should've been the other way around, she listens and watched on her phone the videos of her family smiling and celebrating the incoming year that she could not accept into her life just yet. She could only smile as tears roll down and she plays some music, Everything Stays from a favorite cartoon of hers.

It made her heart yearn to be with them but on the last lyric she was reminded of why she did this. Everything stays. Those words hit her like a bullet from a gun barrel. Everything Stays? Then why did so many people leave? Why did she only gain bad memories she would look back on and cry because she knows she should have done different. Everything does indeed change but the fact it changed for the worst 

She could only wish for once more chance to have saved them. A chance to be happy and avoid the boy who broke her heart and only made her more impure even when she knew it was her fault. All she could do was walk the path painted gray as the young woman was to blame 

How hard must she hurt until they realize that she isn't ok? She had not celebrated alt like she normally does. She used to be all about holidays and peoples joy but lately it seemed more forced. This was the first year she chose not to celebrate. It didn’t feel or seem right to her. She was snapped from her thoughts by a text message. She looked over and it was a simple ‘Happy New Years Eve’ that made Ash want to throw her phone at the wall.

She just couldn't do it. She couldn't respond to the message due to feeling guilty that she was basically just faking her joy with this damn holiday.

 Ash considered just crying but that wouldn't do her much good. She didn't like to cry. Ash could only look at herself in the mirror. They then got angry. She grabbed her phone and threw it at the mirror yelling incoherent nonsense but she knew what she was yelling for.

She was yelling for all the hardships she put her own self through. The things she put her own friends through. Her family and so many others. Ash couldn't help it now. “What the hell landed me on your blacklist God?! Tell me!!” Ash yelled at the ceiling. She ran her fingers through her hair and let out another scream of rage. “Who have I forsaken to have this done to me!?”

It's not like she would've gotten an answer. She could have prayed and she still wouldn't have gotten an answer. They're obviously wasn't much to what has happened. It was her fault. Every choice she made past the age of 5 was her fault. Who else could she blame? Her parents? Well more like her father. There was no mother in this story. She hasn't contacted the woman in years. Ash took a deep breath and went to her room. 

She opened the door to her closet. She then hesitated. What was she doing again? No more stalling. Ash remembered her goal and began to move a few boxes around. She then moved her clothing out of the way as she looked at an old box of hers. Take it. Ash looked at her phone. Only 20 more minutes till it was new years. Ash sighed and pulled out the box.

Inside the box was a rope. She slowly began to wrap it and twist and make a knot or two. Ash walked out of her room as she found a place in her house which ended up being outside on her balcony to put the rope. She lived in a two story home so this shouldn't be too hard. 

She pulled on the rope to make sure it was tight as she worked on a message that she could schedule to send the moment new years arrived. She looked at the message she created and smiled to herself nodding. She sent it to everyone. Strawberry,Tall Boy,Blonde shortie, Blue shortie,shortie, all of them. All of her friends and family sent with the same message.

Ash put her phone down after checking the time. 10 more minutes. Ash grabbed a chair and set it under the rope as she watched the sky. Soon to be lit up with fireworks. It seemed her time was drawing near. She checked her phone once more. 3 more minutes. Ash smiles softly and went back onto the balcony. It's almost time

Ash got onto the chair and murmured a quiet prayer. “Protect them unlike me..Make sure they live a life they deserve, “ Ash sighs as she put the rope around her neck. She could hear everyone cheering loudly next door. It sounds like they were getting prepared for the ball drop. How much longer do I have?

“10!” the house next door yells. Ash smiles and kicked the chair as she began to choke. “9!” Ash tried to stop herself from struggling. “8!” Ash went wide eyed regretting her choices. “7” Ash started to slightly cry “6!” Ash then paused “5” She began to smile as her vision fades in and out “4 Ash could no longer breathe “3” She heard the pounding of her heart “2!” Ash wondered what death was like “1! Happy New Year!!” had fallen on deaf ears. Ash was dead

Ash hung there as the message was sent. What was once a Happy New Years become one of tragedy. Everyone check their phones as they cried and screamed. A few even tried to call and see if this was a sick joke. But it was true. The message was real. For when her father arrived. It was confirmed the death of Ash Sanchez

‘Hey Guys, I wish you all a happy new year. Sorry for all ive done and for the fact of it being that I hurt you all. I'll keep this message short by saying that by the time you read this im probably dead. We all expected this though. But this was my last hurrah and I'm glad you all gave me a great year. Goodbye one last time’ was what everyone saw that day on the suicide of Ash Sanchez the day of New Years