Peace at last

I've always thought of myself as a happy, helpful person. Growing up with 6 brothers and 4 sisters and always helping my mother take care of "her brood" as she called us.

Growing up with 6 brothers was the highlight of my life. I was a tomgirl in so many ways. I didn't play with dolls, I only had the boys since my two older sisters were now teenie boppers and didn't want anything to do with me, really. Except to be their slave when they wanted or needed something but were too lazy to do or get themselves. I didn't act like a boy but my brothers treated me like their equal. They used to fight over who would get me on their team.

I learned to be a cowboy shooting guns, riding fake horses, being part of a possee. Of course I was ALWAYS the cook in charge of getting us food! Learned how to be a soldier, again shooting rifles, crawling around in mud, the whole soldier thing. Playing all the games boys do. Let's not forget shooting marbles.!!!

As we grew older they taught me to climb, hunt, fish which I turned out to be the best fisher

girl they ever met! I learned how to drive, etc. Even got into trouble and was punished just like them. My mother just shook her head while my dad just smiled. Yep, I had a much more fun life growing up than most girls.

The only sad time in my life was when we lost my older sister to a car accident. I used to have long blonde hair to my waist and she would always brush it for me.

I really missed her then.

Yes, unfortunately, life is full of surprises. Some good some bad and some sad.

We lived in a small mountain town where everyone knew everyone, so much to do, never locked doors at night. A very peaceful town with never a worry or problem. I would not change any part of my life except to maybe get it back!

Later on in life I figured that was what I was meant to do.

My peaceful days were going fishing. Just sitting there enjoying the quiet, taking in the site of the beautiful mountains and admiring the beautiful lake with its shimmering waves, the sound it made when the water would splash up at the edge of the ground. Listening to the sounds of nature. The birds chirping, the black bird caws, watching the little chipmunks scurry around me looking for handouts. I always mad sure to take a bag of sunflower seeds.

I would be at the lake from 5am till dark. My mother never understood what I got out of that. But then again I feel sorry for her because she could never enjoy her life. Not with all us kids.

I get very sad when I think about all the joys in life that she missed.

But then again maybe that was what she enjoyed. GO FIGURE!!

I'D SHOOT MYSELF!

Coming from such a huge family we all eventually went our own ways. Some sooner, some later.

Life's lessons are truly inspiring when you think about it and go through it.

But, sadly that is not what happened as I grew older. Life was not as I expected. My life turned out to be very hard and unhappy.

I loved my family dearly, but at age 18 I had had enough, so I ventured out on my own. I had my ups an downs which I quickly learned, was going to be a part of my life. There were plenty of happy times and sad times. Very easy times and very hard times. But, I eventually learned to live and react to what happened.

I found a person, fell in love and married. I had a beautiful baby girl and life went on as I thought it should. Like my parents, I assumed that was how it as supposed to be. However, that soon quickly changed with my life as my world was turned upside down. My happiness was destroyed and ruined. Like sone of us, marriage and life with someone you thought would last forever, didn't.

As time went on, my life got worse year after year.

The only happiness I had was the birth of my two daughters. Happiness watching them grow and turn into beautiful women themselves.

I now had 6 grandchildren, 2 boys and 4 girls. I thought to myself, "this is how it's supposed to be. Life full of love and laughter, sharing life's togetherness." No more loneliness for me. My life was now complete.

Watching my grandchildren grow up, helping my daughters as I once helped my mother.

Sadly, it didn't turn out that way. I failed to see that their lives were not mine. They had their own lives to live. I was there but I wasn't. I was once alone and unhappy again.

I realized and learned that was the real life was supposed to end up. I also realized that is what happened to my parents and my siblings.

Life is a funny thing. My mother told me life wasn't easy, and now I understand what she meant.

That being expressed, I now find myself in the same boat.

I have been feeling "not needed anymore"!

Telling this story, I can only hope and pray that my siblings life turned out well and happy and not like mine.

We don't keep in touch anymore.

Since my parents are gone, my sister, 3 of my brothers, we all have drifted away from each other. I can only wish them well.

Today is a new day for me as I have decided to fill my remaining life with happiness, people, laughter and full of contentment.

I will feel needed for me!

As I step into my new beginning I will now enjoy my time and my life. I will find the me that was always happy, laughing, enjoying life and find my own contentment.

I will find my own peace! My own SUNSHINE!