A window in Time.

“First time on an airplane or maybe you pronounce it, aeroplane, doesn’t matter.  Welcome aboard.   How’re you doing, today?”   They think I be stupid, ‘cause I be young and don’t talk good.   Say I’m LD, but don’t know what LD be.   Think it be name for records they be putting on turntables, but I’m not no record.  Sometimes Mommy says I be sounding like a record that be scratched or broken, but I don’t know what she be meaning by that.   So, tell lady I be doing good.   Me no like small talk.   It be confusing.   They say I’s gotta read between the lines, but I don’t know what they be talking about.  

     Anyway, lady asks me to buckle up then stops herself and be asking me if I be needing help buckling up.  No, I be disabled, not brain dead.   She show me how to set up TV with free earbuds with the wires, not fancy phone kinds.   She asks me to turn off any Bluetooth, but I look at my ‘flexion in the mirror and all my teeth be white.   She ain’t no dentist.  Why would cavities cause blue teeth?   I don’t know, but I watch “Blues Clues,” and something happens after a few minutes.   The cartoon stops and all the screens at every seat be turning the same and a flight attendant comes on the screen and starts talking about bullshit.  Seats, emergencies, oxygen masks, exits.  I try changing the channel back, but it no work.  

    Then, lady says I should start chewing my gum.  So, I take out the gum lady from camo gave me and start chewing. Ears feel weird after takeoff, but I swallow because of de gum and feel better.  

     Then, stuff happens that everyone but me knows happens.   Like my dad makes an announcement that the plane is at altitude and we can go to the potty, but stay buckled while seated.   And something about puke bags in pockets and menus.  Don’t make no sense.  Why order something I’d be puking up anyway.   But, Daddy be saying if I be needing something, to push the call button.   So, I be being good.   You might be wonderin’ how I know it be my Dad talking.  See, they told me the announcements be done over the PA and P A spells Pa.  

      So, we be going along and I be watching TV, but it starts feeling hot, like Hay D. Hot.  So, I be smart, just cause I be a record, don’t mean I don’t know nothing.   So, I look for the thing to push to lower window, but there ain’t nothing to push.  Weird.   But, maybe this be an old plane and it be having manual turn thing to lower window like in the A.D.s.  The Nineteen A.D.s.  But, there ain’t nothing manual crank thing, so I try pulling it down, but some idiot glued it on and put a window behind the window.   I need me some fresh air.  

      So, I be pushing the button for that lady to come back and I be waiting a few minutes.   Then, she come and be smiling like fake.   “How can I help you?” And I tell her I be wanting to open the window but can’t find no crank or no button or no nothing and I be needing her to open the window.  

      She be giving me this puzzled look, the kind of look Mommy gave me when I threw the dog outside and when she asked why and I be telling her ‘All dogs land on their feet’.   Then, this woman be saying something ‘bout losing her cabin pressure.  I told her to look for her can in the lost and found and she said I no be understanding.   I told her again I be wanting to open the window ‘cause it be hot.   She said, ‘NO!   Leave the windows alone.   We’ll be landing in about 2 and a half hours.   Then, you can go outside.  NOT NOW!!”

    It don’t make no sense.   I been in a car and it be going 70 and I be opening the windows and nothing happened and people be skydiving and they be having open doors, so I should be okay to open windows here.   So, I be punching window hard.   Quick and hard.   The lady came back and talked to me like Mommy does when she’s pissed, but I punch it again, harder.   She leaves and goes in the bathroom in the middle, like one’s on the left, in the front of plane, one’s on the right, and one be in the middle, then lady comes out and I still be punching the window, then here Dad’s voice and he says some bullshit about landing emergency and authorities.  Old man’s lost his fucking mind and this damn window be jammed.  Lady comes and checks if my seatbelt is on and goes to her seat.   Then, I take out ear gum and we be landing, but Dad says we need to taxi long time.  Why would Mom and Dad call a taxi?   They live there and could just pick me up themselves.  Don’t make no sense.   Then, not at gate, lady opens front door.   Still can’t open the window.   But two thin men in white coats come in and they got this white coat with them and they unbuckle my seatbelt and put me arms behind me and I feel trapped and there’s no air, even though the side door be opened and these men be pulling straps all over me to tight coat and I be screaming, ‘cause I be scared.  Then, they walk towards the door, but wait.  What about my carry on?   What about my luggage?   Goddamn it!   They be taking me outside and I be getting some fresh air, but the airplane/aeroplane door closed when we got out and the airplane/aeroplane be going back on a line and the first airplane/aeroplane be taking off and the airplane/aeroplane I was on be sixth in line and why I ain’t on it and how come they no got electric window openers?   What the fuck is going on and who be these people in white coats and where they be taking me?   Momma’s gonna be pissed.  And how come Daddy from the intercom no stop them?  

*

    I go through a metal detector, like at the airport/aeroport, but this ain’t no airport/aeroport.   I see soft padding everywhere and they make me give ‘em my shoes and belt, but after the metal detector.   Weird.  And these women be walking around with no bras and I know ‘cause I can see their tits through their shirts, so I ask someone where I be and they say I be at the looney bin.  Damn it!