Do Yourself A Favor

I woke from a deep sleep, still groggy and confused, my vision blurry. I sat up and scratched my head as if I were confused. I glanced at my bedside clock, but all I could see were blurry red numbers. I closed my eyes and sighed. I stared at the ceiling and listen to the silence pounding in my ears. I grabbed my phone and sat up. The bright light of my phone screen made me temporarily blind for a moment. I squinted my eyes with pain as they adjusted to the light.

"It's only 4 a.m.?"

I bamboozled myself into thinking it was mid-morning, just to make myself feel better.

It was Monday morning and work started at 6:00, so I pulled the covers off my bed and reached for the ceiling to stretch my arms out. As I pulled apart my closet trying to find my work uniform, I saw the coat that had the name 'Anne' embroidered into it. That was my name.

"Hey, there you are. I've been looking for you." I whispered to my coat like it understood what I was saying.

Since I worked at a police department, I attempted to act positively before I got there because workdays are hard for me.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I prepared myself for the challenges to come. I sat in silence, dreading going in, looking into the distance. I noticed graffiti on a nearby gas station with the words 'Do Yourself a Favor' strategically written so you can actually see what it says. I hesitated to open my car door as I thought about the phrase.

"Do yourself a favor, Anne," I say to myself quietly.

I took a deep breath and found the courage to head inside. I strode confidently to the door to show that I wasn't scared of intimidation, even though I was the most bullied person here. Everyone in this station competed with each other. I wasn't interested in competing. I was just quiet and depend only on myself. I didn't talk to anyone. I was just the type of person who wanted to help people when I could.

Curiosity took over my face when I saw that nobody turned their head to laugh at me. My tall, thin figure was always a magnet for snickers in the office. Relief briefly flew over me as I realized no one laughed. Seconds later, I heard a few people giggle and whisper behind me. As my eyes flew back to look at who it was, they quickly turned away. I knew this would eventually happen. It always did.

I decided to laugh along with them, but I was really laughing at them. The truth was, I was deeply hurt inside. This made me feel like drowning myself in tears because this happens every day.

I sat down at my desk and glanced at the clock, with a grim look on my face, hoping that the day would go by fast and the clock would go faster.

My boss, Claire, stepped out of her office, looking fatigued and slightly angered. She stood outside of her office door as if she were waiting for everyone to look and listen, but she didn't say a word. A few heads turned, but everyone else was too busy to even notice her. She realized her presence went unnoticed and quickly snuck back into her office, with lightly tinged red checks of embarrassment on her face. I understand the feeling because that happens to me all the time. No one notices.

After about an hour of pretending to work, I gathered up strength and slowly raised myself up out of the chair, and walked over to Claire's office. Dreading my exchange, I opened the door carefully, and she glanced over as if she were expecting someone only to be disappointed it was only me.

"Hey, Claire. I was just wondering if-"

"I can't hear you, Anne. No need to whisper." Claire snapped.

I hid my shame with a smile and nodded with acknowledgment. I found myself heavily embarrassed because I hate being yelled at by my boss.

"Sorry. I was just wondering if there was anything you wanted me to do around here. I have nothing to do-"

"Then go out there and find something. I'm too busy right now." She interrupted, again.

She looked at me as if she were waiting for me to leave.

"Do yourself a favor, princess. The door is right there. Don't trip on the way out!" She added sarcastically.

By this time, I felt like a tree stump-like I'd been cut off. I felt like I was just someone who existed at this point. I nodded again with a sad smile and closed her office door on the way out.

As I stepped away from her office door, I then glanced up and realized that everyone was staring at me, holding back laughter, as if I deserved that remark by Claire.

"Do yourself a favor, princess. The door is right there. Oh, and don't cry on the way out." Anthony said with a big smirk from ear to ear, while pointing towards the exit. Everyone burst into laughter at his joke, except me.

"Haha, you're the funniest person on the face of the earth," I said, my face as red as a tomato.

My voice was cracking because I felt like bursting into tears. 'Do yourself a favor' haunted my thoughts as I practically ran to the door. I burst the doors open and ran to my car, holding back tears. 'Do yourself a favor' playing over and over in my head. I wasn't going to stay in that office one more minute. The thought of everyone seeing me cry was terrifying. I hate being treated like this. I hate being treated like I don't matter.

I rushed to my car. My heart was pounding. I heard the whole office laughing as I did. I quickly glimpsed over at the gas station graffiti, reading those words again. I left work, determined never to return.

Only an hour at work, and I already had tears running down my face. I tried to make myself feel better by giving myself a confidence boost while I was driving. I gave myself a pep talk about how all those people were not worth it, but it only made things worse. I realized they might have a point.

"How am I supposed to do myself a favor? I can't do myself a favor without looking like a loser."

More tears stream down my face as I look down at my phone. Someone was calling me. Why would someone call me?

I pulled over in a near parking lot and answered it. It was from the police station. I listened intently ... my eyes widened and my jaw dropped.

Less than a minute after I left, the entire police station exploded. I noticed six ambulances zooming past me in oncoming traffic, along with several cop cars. I stared straight ahead and dropped my phone between the car seat. This isn't happening. I explored my thoughts deeply, caught in confusion. It felt as if life was in slow motion. I was the only one that survived.

Maybe I did myself a favor after all.