"I MUST GO ON"

Tears fall from her face as she speaks the words. “I am tired, I don’t even have the courage to step up, as I always remember things are still the same”. As she speaks this words, it echoes in her room that it sounded like it bounce back to her. She live in this world where she worked to live and never had the time to gather in the table to eat and even spend time to chit chat. They were miles away, not even have the time to see each other because of this pandemic, and even harder to reach out and communicate. She were hone to work hard to pay the debts and even forgot to smile. The problems piled up and realizing that family is slowly breaking up.

Waking up in the morning and hearing the silence of the place. The routinary day she had where she opens her phone and scrolling up and down. The phone rings and she can hear the greeting she had like always had to be. The boundary of not knowing the importance of spending time and taking a break from life. “Will I be able to go out and meet my friends like the day before?” the thoughts she had repeating in her mind. Her memory flash back when she was still young. The laughter and the memories she had that she would always treasure in mind. Missing the old days and living a special mark in heart.

“Can you hear me Cailyn?” “I already told you to take good care of everything and Christmas is coming. “Yes Mom, I heard you and I already gathered the things I need and bought the food we need.” Another Christmas where I got to spend it far away from you. I know Cailyn, I’ll be back and it’s just a matter of time. “Ok Mom, I’ll wait for that day”. When the call ended, she prepares everything she had for tomorrow’s event and night. Feeling weary and tired, she push herself and do it for a while.

“I know it looks messy and everything is not on time but seeing you fight for life is what makes you alive.” She heard it clearly in her mind and that makes a difference to a person’s life. She was thinking deeply and an answer came right in front of her, she will create something nice. This might be good for a Christmas gift, I’m going to show it to my mom. She color the words and create something nice. She was enlightened and give it a try. In that day, she opened her sketchbook and wrote something very fine. She was surprised that she was able to create a piece of work. Her phone rings and it say’s aren’t you tired? It’s late at night. Take a little sleep and tomorrow is going to be alright.

The next day she woke up and she cooked for her family and gave her best and smile. She thinks that maybe she should call her sister and invite them for dinner. At night she set up and decorate the whole place. People were excited and everything they prepared were on the table now. She heard her phone ringing and she answered it and her mom greets her a “Merry Christmas Cailyn”. “Merry Christmas Mom”. They talked for a minute and then she showed her mom the gift. She was happy and appreciate her thing. She can hear the horn of the cars, the fireworks and the door open and she saw her sisters and they greeted each other. The day has come and in the distance that separates them, were the joy they had. Everything seems fine, the delicious food, and the laughter and once again they were happy seeing each other. She then grabbed her pen and started to write and she finished everything that she had.

           As she observed the changes taking place, the life each one had and the reason of everyone’s life. She saw that this might continue from the very end and she could write it over and over again to continue the life she had. She can still begin it repeatedly but in a different manner of life. She choose to follow what life brings her into and see it in a different perspective but in a meaningful way of telling that this is going to make sense. As the day ends, is also a new beginning for tomorrow’s life that she should face with a beautiful ending each one has. She can finally say that “I might sound so tired but I must go on and keep moving in life”. She made it this far and life could be tough but seeing each one who fights, is also a way of telling her to go on in life. She says at the last of this thing is “I am tired but I can rest on him and make another life”.

She was now in her room, and her sister calls her and ask her to join them in the table and she said “I’ll go there and I just need to finish this one”. She was staring in that piece of paper she had. It was sweet as it is and the sadness she had drifted away as she started to read it to where it begins. She can now see how lucky she is that everything is now putting into pieces. She was now realizing that everything she had at the beginning is a journey. She might feel tired but she knows she can rest on him her God. It may sound cliché but those very same thing molds to make these days bright and shine. A day to brighten up her day and make her smile. A beauty that she calls it masterpiece of Christ. Her strength renews each day as she face it with a twinkle in her eyes. She knows where she stands because she had this giant in her heart and mind.