Droids Just Want to Have Fun

Open log #380-421

I was born Androxdroid 380.21.456000, commissioned by the home planet to surveil the planet earth.

Having intercepted an interstellar instrument of the earth planet civilization, originally an unfamiliar entity, the Androx resolved to investigate said planet, its beings, and its ways.

The Androx are the most scientific and technically advanced beings in many galaxies. Having intercepted an interstellar instrument of the earth planet civilization, originally an unfamiliar entity to us, Androxians resolved to investigate said planet, beings, and its ways, as true to their nature.

Preliminary observations from the instrument ascertained that the earth planet was a technical civilization, though inferior in quality to our own. Data within the instrument further revealed the earth planet was populated by a variety of homo sapiens, animalia, and plantae, more adherent qualities to the cybernetic Androx and society.

The secondary phase of our research sought to examine the earth planet more closely. Not wanting to disturb the middling earthlings with our presence and procedures, our analyses were as subtle and noninvasive as possible while being in close proximity. Some initial tests were administered on the earth planet to learn that its surface is a combination of water and solid land and its atmosphere made up of nitrogen and oxygen. Those results combined with the earlier data helped create special Androxdroids to quietly populate the earth planet to study the planet and earthlings even closer. Results of some early earthling social examinations drive the basis of Androxdroid codes as one of several measures to help them assimilate. These codes give the Androxdroids a foundation in earthling language, speech, behaviors, and basic knowledge.

In turn, the droids are capable of building upon that knowledge base as they explore the earth planet and interact with earthlings. They learn new words, pick up on new social cues, discover a location previously unknown to them, meet new beings, aquire unique information… nearly anything new or

different to their baseline creates a code variable that is communicated back to the home planet.

These variables have been innumerable, unique, and ultimately fascinating to Androxians though. Many of these code variables have become direct updates to existing droids while others have been collected and developed for newer Androxdroid models, which is where I come in….

I’m an Androxdroid programmed to associate the younger subgrouping of earthlings, or more specifically, the American teenager. I will be delivered to the earth planet in time to initiate my first behavioral objective: attend high school.

But first, I will be received at an Androxdroid base in my assigned locale. Earthlings have what is called a place of residence, so the base serves as such for incoming droids and other droids in the locale. As an assimilation measure, the base appears to earthlings in this region as an apartment complex.

Open log #380-422:

My baseline codes awaken me at 7:30am regional earth time so I can prepare for my objective.

My first preparation is to assimilate my appearance. A personal look is generated for me as codes filter through human appearance variables to match that of an American teenager in the region. My

physiology is established as a female adolescent and appropriate external covering (or clothing) is produced on me.

When that process is complete, I am equipped with an accessory earthlings call a backpack. I check inside my backpack to find organizational and writing supplies, what I recognize as basic necessities for my objective. Properly outfitted for the environment, I depart from the base and walk to school

with some global positioning programming leading the way.

I get a block from the school when my auditory and visual pinpoints pick up different surroundings, individuals, or groups nearby. Several of my supercomputer systems are at work at that moment, identifying things, analyzing earthling patterns, checking for code variables, and sending them to the home planet. My vision sensors also function as a display center for system output, so I see my mainframe at work in addition the environment around me.

Many indicators point out code variables to me, meaning that some appearance, behavior, language, or item code has been updated to both mine and Androxdroid knowledge bases. Any earthling-related stimuli that is not already coded is indicated as an “unidentified code”. These, as an earthling saying goes, are why I’m paid the big bucks (if I were getting paid).

The unidentified code flashes over beings who are intently focused on a personal screen, like over an adolescent male who stood at the corner of the street intersection with a device in his face. I

approach the same corner and initiate conversation to gather more data.

“What are you doing?” I ask the male.

“Playing Pokemon Go,” He answered, “My egg finally hatched!”

He showed me the screen of his device. My indicators identify it as a smartphone. On his screen displayed an animated creature resembling a pony or unicorn with excessive tufts of colorful hair,

which helped my systems determine the cartoon was fictitious in nature in opposed to realistic.

“Excuse me,” the male pardoned himself from our brief conversation. Our time finally came to cross the street and the adolescent darted off, yelling to other peers on the school property. In the meantime, my knowledge base and computer systems were still working to make connections with

the recent discovery.

Pokemon {fiction} smartphone…the phrase flashed across my vision before minimizing away. Developing that code was now a secondary task as I crossed the school’s campus and navigated to

where I needed to go, all the while picking up more variable and unidentified codes.

Open log #380-422:

My knowledge base of social cues is prompted by the ring of the morning school bell. English, my first class of the day is about to start. A notebook is in front of me, a pencil is in hand, and I’m focused on the instructor. She is introducing an academic unit on Shakespeare.

The term lights up in my visuals. Creativity is actually one quality where earthlings better Androxians, but as facts, significant contributors to homo sapien culture like Shakespeare are coded into the base knowledge of every droid. As facts on the subject of Shakespeare are already established, my programming changes focus from the instructor to the classroom environment, looking for more data.

I lock onto another unidentified code tagged to a male being sitting a few seats in front of me,surreptitiously operating his smartphone. I’m able to visually zoom in on his screen and observe a display of words across the majority of the projection. The words appear to be a random selection, just stemming off each other as if to use preexisting letters for another term. The speculation is

confirmed as I watch the being manipulate the screen, drawing letters from the lower portion to some vacant space near another letter. An animation on the screen declared a point value after the placement.

Smartphone{letters}points…competition? Another code started to develop. Droids know earthlings enjoyed competition, so “points” helped make that connection.

I shifted my view to another unidentified code; this time to a female sitting in front of me, also surreptitiously operating a smartphone. She punched the screen with her thumbs, producing characters into a box. She punched the screen again and the box moved across the screen. After a few moments, another box appeared and she’d punch the characters onto the screen again. Part of the previous code: Smartphone {letters}… came up, but nothing followed.

The two codes switched to secondary tasks as my attention was drawn back to the activity of the room. It's rude to not pay attention to a speaker, a programmed social cue reminded me.

“After your receive your books,” the instructor spoke as she distributed smaller parcels of literature to the class. “You are to pair with the classmate next to you and together you will read the first section of this play aloud.”

“Hi!” greeted the female adolescent residing at the desk next to mine. “I guess we’re partners. I’m Hannah.”

As I look at the book I receive and the being who just spoke to me, code scans and other readouts appear in my visuals.

Additional directive: read first section of play aloud with classmate Hannah.

Initiating social programming sequences….

Identity assimilation activated…an Androxdroid introducing itself as a droid would defeat its purpose and possibly alarm the feeble earthlings, so an additional process of developing an earthling-related identity kicks in. However, this process only happens when social cue programming commands introductions be exchanged.

“I’m Andi,” The systems quickly establish my identity in the moment so the pause isn’t awkwardly timed, but I still think the initial assimilation procedures would be a more efficient time for this

process.

“Are you new here?” Hannah continued.

“Yeah,” Social programming {small talk} My systems communicate to me.

“Where are you from?” Identity assimilation processing… For very same reasons, Androxdroids could not say they are from the planet Androx either.

“I just moved here from Annapolis,” My systems rapidly compute an alternate location for me to respond.

“Cool! Hope you like it here. Want to have lunch later?”

“Sure!” Additional directive: have lunch with classmate Hannah

Open log #380-424:

The earthling mealtime known as lunch commenced three hours later at the educational facility.

Droids are not sustained by the homo sapien’s consumption habits, but for assimilation purposes, are capable of mimicking their eating patterns and ingesting earth-based foods.

In the designated dining area of the school, I file into a human queue with hundreds of other adolescent earthlings, waiting to receive meal proportions. As I anticipate the same, I gather more stimuli. More unidentified codes appear, but now with partial codes based on the secondary tasks I stored up. My systems are starting to recognize this earthling adolescent behavior of using their

smartphones, but the codes cannot filter to a singular endpoint since I have observed them engaging in an array of tasks with their devices. If not resolved soon, rewriting the code pattern could be necessary.

I am served a school lunch and I locate my classmate Hannah in the crowded room. Our eyes meet and she waves to me. Hannah greets me when I am in proximity of the table and a few other adolescents look on me as well. Their faces are polite and friendly. Positive social cues. A readout flashes, indicating that these beings are willing to socialize with me.

I take a seat and Hannah introduces me to some of the beings around her. According to my knowledge base, my systems conclude these beings are Hannah’s friends as the term flashes in my vision over each one she names.

“What was Annapolis like?” One of her friends asks me.

Social programming {small talk}

Identity assimilation processing…

“Annapolis is a large city in Maryland, serving as its capitol city.” I answered, “Situated on the Chesapeake Bay, it is a major establishment for boating and sailing activities. Annapolis also has rich American history and values its preservation.”

I know the question sought a personalized answer, but since I have no experience with Annapolis on which to draw, my systems gave me facts to communicate. The Androxians really should consider reprogramming this facet of their droid assimilation.

“My grandmother lives in Annapolis. We boat with her every summer.” Another friend spoke up, making my recitation less awkward.

“What do you like to do, Andi?” Another friend asked. Many cultured beings, like the earthlings and Androxians, have what are called hobbies. With time, some Androxdroids develop them too, but since this was my first day in commission, that part of my identity was not yet defined. The assimilation process still continued, but I managed to override it.

“I like science,” I answered all on my own. “Astronomy, ecology, human psychology…just about every branch.”

“You sound like a geek like me,” another friend exclaimed.

Unidentified code: geek Not another one…overload was not the issue, though. Droid supercomputer systems can manage thousands of tasks a second, but a lot of it is automated, so I could not just deactivate the code scans and converse with earthlings without scrutinizing every little concept. Some tasks are master-locked too, so I could not reprogram myself by my own will either.

“That’s not a bad thing, though.” the geek continued. Geek{identity} positive…I see a code readout produced.

“Watch it, geek!” Just then, I witnessed a burly male adolescent earthling force aggressive contact against Hannah’s geek friend. Geek{identity} negative? My systems couldn’t decide on an endpoint to assign the new term now after that exchange.

“Don’t mind them,” Hannah’s geek friend seemed to brush off the assertion he just received. “Would you be interested in joining the robotics club? We’re having a party tonight.”

“I’ll check it out,” I agreed. Additional directives: join robotics club, attend party

Open log #380-428:

I arrive at the location of the party at the time I was told it would commence, but the party’s host, Hannah’s geek friend, was surprised to see me.

“You’re early!” He greeted me at the front entrance of his residence. “Come on in though.”

An error readout appears in my vision as I follow him into his home. My systems are confused by conflicting information.

“I’m early?” I reiterate for clarification.

“It’s no big deal though,” He assured, “For parties like these, people come whenever. Things get more interesting later in the evening anyway.”

“We were about to go shopping to get ready,” Hannah, who was also in early attendance, explained. I accompanied them to the commercial establishments where they collected sustenance. Upon

acquiring those, Hannah, myself, and other female friends perused establishments where external coverings were for sale.

The attractive nature of the items helped me ignore all the code scanning I could see taking place in my vision. I imitated Hannah and her friends as they selected coverings to try on, which became an appealing behavior to me.

“...this is always fun!” I overheard one of Hannah’s friends while I was inside a stall designated for changing.

Clothing{attractive}befitting [experience]=fun

According to my systems, I was having fun engaged in this activity!

Open log #380-429:

The prediction Hannah’s geek friend made proved true; the party was more interesting as its hours progressed.

We return to his house after shopping to find many adolescent earthlings congregated about the premises, all involved in their own activities. They conversed, mingled, consumed refreshments, and danced to boisterous music.

Social programming: laughter=fun

Music{dancing}social=fun

Music{singing}karaoke[off-key]=fun

Smartphone[communication]=fun

Smartphone[entertainment]=fun

I notice my systems finally resolved the coding on the earthling’s smartphone habits. The broader codes help establish their classification in the Androxdroid database since initial observations are often insufficient for determining their specific tasks on the devices. I also notice an additional “fun” coding was starting to appear in much of the stimuli I observed within the environment, as if everything I saw and heard constituted a fun experience.

As per my programming, I engage with the surroundings to verify the conjecture. I indeed had fun while dancing, singing karaoke, meeting and talking with other beings, and participating in a few

pranks. A small group with whom I convened gathered in the culinary section of the residence, and shared liquid sustenance with me.

Liquid{beverage}alcohol=dangerous a readout appeared in my vision as I looked into the disposable cup. As dominantly an instrument of other-worldly technology, Androxdroids are far more sensitive to earthling-related dangers than earthlings themselves are. Most droids actively and consciously avoid serious dangers as much as they are able or fail-safes activate to minimize imminent damage. However, my systems confuse again so the appropriate behavior to this situation is unclear. As I scan the room and see other beings with similar vessels exhibiting amused, excited behaviors (if not more so than earlier), the alcohol and fun codes merge. Also, another programmed social cue discourages me to refuse what a host has offered. So with some disregard for the danger aspect, I consume the beverage.

The term bitter inserts into the dangerous alcohol beverage fun code before my readouts begin to garble. Then an idea dawns on me: does my programming retain normal function as I consume this drink? I down more and my data displays become blurrier. If I’m still picking up codes, I cannot read them. I can’t stand or walk upright, but I feel free. If only I weren’t so sleepy though…

Code: xxxerror{fatal}xxx=droidxxx[incapacitated]xxx

Data saved before crash transmitted to mainframe and droid returned to base for restructuring