Cherish today as tomorrow will Be

Cherish today as tomorrow will Be

She grew up as a bitter child. No one ever understood why. She was surrounded by a loving and caring family. They adored her outer beauty. She was the third out of four children.  By the age of 18 she was a cold and unpleasant person. She very rarely smiled, never had photos taken of her, was never in any family portraits and kept to herself. Most of her family had passed away from either heart disease or cancer.  She always hoped and prayed that she would get something in get sooner than later. As time passed she was in her thirties she never dated not even once. Her personality and her disposition were too cold and bitter to have anybody get close to her. She was so distant, so, so far away and untouchable to anyone.

One by one her family members passed away and deep inside she thought why, why couldn't that be me instead. Time passed she ended up with a few small health problems nothing major but by the time she reached 40 she could bet on anyone as she would make it to fifty. Fifty came and went she's approached it without a glitch. When she approached fifty five and she said that's it her time is close she could only hope.

She went to bed every night hoping, praying, and wishfully thinking she would just die in her sleep to get the misery out of her life. She ached inside; she knew she was a miserable hateful person. She knew if she'd there was a funeral no one would attend. For a person who is called bitter most of her life didn't understand what the word life meant. Life meant living being alive and sharing yourself with others. Being a friend, being a sister, being a daughter and maybe someday being a wife. Lives meant laughter, having fun, going out and explore the world around you.

Time moved on sixty years old came upon her and to her surprise she actually lived that long she wasn't planning on it and didn't plan her life is such. She didn't save for her retirement. She didn't seem to care she had no idea what the future would bring. Time passed again family members passed on as she said they expired. Never laughing never having a smile she did attend some family events but all the photos their family members snuck in she was sad and bitter. Living alone day-by-day night by night she began talking to herself as she had no one else to speak to.  No one  would speak to her at this point because people simply gave up you can give all the love you want but you need to get some in return if not people move on.

Well the seventies approached and she was still around still hoping and wishing that she would either get a heart attack or cancer the put her out of her misery. Suddenly one day it happened. She lost a lot of weight suddenly her skin color was pale and Gray she could barely move around so she finally decided to go to a doctor and keep in mind she hasn't been to a doctor since she was about twenty  years old. Not even for a routine physical that her insurance company paid a 100%. The doctor came in, not really showing concern and said I have some bad news for you. Do you have any friends or family members you would like me to call? She said no it's only me. Well then I must share with you. You have cancer and you need to know you don't have much time left my guess. I say about four to six months.

 Would you like to see counseling or see a therapist someone who can help you get through this? You have someone who can help you at home because moving around and doing day-to-day activities such as taking a bath or getting into bed may be difficult?  Keep in mind hospice is not too far off for you. She said now let me go home and give it some thought. She went on that evening sat on a rocking chair and as she was rocking back-and-forth was one little light on in the distance and silence in the Room it's suddenly hit her.

What have I done she said to herself? I never did have a life I never did smile or laugh I never had a date never went out with friends and actually I never had any friends. Why did I do this? Why did I do this to myself why did I do this to other people? My family, they all had family gatherings for Christmas and Thanksgiving and I always stayed home why I don't understand? She continued rocking back-and-forth wondering why she was the way she was.  Thinking back to her adolescent years she recalled playing and laughing with her siblings. She suddenly realized everything she missed out in life. A few weeks of passed she was lying in her bed she was hoping and praying tonight would be the night. She got up was able to take all her strength and write a letter to her family.

The letter read something like this. Dear family even though I never showed it I love you all very much. You tried to be kind to me and I never understood what it was like to be kind back it's something I never learned in life. I don't have an excuse for my behavior but I want you to know deep down inside I truly loved each and every one of you. I don't want a funeral.  I understand and believe no one will come. Don't waste any money. I don't know how to say this and I know it will be difficult for you please just remember me as somebody who just couldn’t love  themselves enough to care but honestly I always loved you deep down inside and  please believe me I truly mean it. Good bye.