'Walking to him with you tattooed in my heart'

My reflection stared back at me through the mirror; I observed the woman in the mirror dressed in a beautiful white dress. My golden locks styled in the perfect low bun as it was neatly tucked under the extravagant veil. My eyes dropped towards the gigantic stone that branded my ring finger. Somehow that's all it was, a giant rock that would brand me forever.

I walked over to the window to stare at the display outside. It was perfect; everything was just as my eight-year-old self had envisioned when I watched a wedding back then while making imaginary lists in my head of what my wedding would look like. Everything was identical to the million scrapbooks I had made as a child. It was the dream wedding.

My thoughts found themselves wandering off towards her fiance or soon-to-be husband; he seems to check all the boxes in an old teenage magazines section for 'Mr. Perfect'. 

He is sensible and understanding, the guy who calls me beautiful when I feel insecure. He says everything I want to hear, and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better. The guy who opens my door and pulls out my chair gives me compliments, leaving all of my single friends jealous of what we share. I see a future with him and one day a small little family. But somehow, my heart can't help thinking of the one responsible for breaking it into pieces a million times.

The one who is wild and crazy but somehow the kind of drug that leaves me intoxicated. The guy who made it his life's mission to be complicated; and to never say just what I wanted to hear. The one who introduced me to a whole new world; and gave me a million dreams that somehow changed into unfulfilled promises.

The guy who told me I was strong and beautiful only to repeat the same to her. The one who offered me the world but somehow ended up giving it to her. The guy who claimed to be the person who could never confess his love somehow ended up confessing it to her. I see you living the kind of life we lived with her, and watching you do those things hurts.

Does she watch you paint her as I did; does she blush when you call her your muse? Do you take her out on those romantic strolls and ask her about her hopes and dreams and everything she wants in life like you once asked me. Do you ask her for just one dance and end up dancing through the night as you did with me. Does she find you charming, or was it just me?

You used to say we had all the time in the world, and I was fool enough to believe, but somehow you got swept away and tore the page of our happy ending, and somehow I ended up in a white dress and a diamond ring moments away from walking down the aisle to the one I never saw coming cause I was still a fool enough to believe that our story hadn't received its ending.

They all adore him, my parents, who once disapproved of you, they find him to be the Prince Charming they hoped would put on a glass slipper on their Cinderella's feet and take her away to the land of happily ever after's. Probably why they disapproved of you; after all, you were always the one rooting for villains. He is close to my parents and even calls my grandmother to wish her on her birthday. He even listens to my father going on about topics he isn't familiar with. They say he's a family guy and applaud me for finally picking the right one.

All of my friends say they get jealous of me for finding Mr. Perfect. They love how he gets along with all of them and weirdly fits in with the group, which you never did. They claim you were too opinionated and didn't care enough to get to know them. But something they shall never learn is that you; cared enough to get to know the real me, the person behind the bubbly façade. You made me feel confident with who I was. I knew that the entire world could disapprove of you, but they could never know you the way that I did.

You always put me first, and with you, I was never the second choice. With him, he's constantly trying to please everyone else, my friends and my family, and somehow I just blur into the surroundings. You could tell something was wrong by hearing my voice or simply staring at my face, but somehow he doesn't see the smile I've been faking all along. He doesn't see how my smile doesn't reach my eyes like you once did. He doesn't notice how my eyes start twitching when I lie. He doesn't notice how my eyes twinkle while watching the snow like you used to.

Somehow despite him being perfect in my mind, in my heart, it's always been you.

Despite everything that has been said and done, my heart tells me to run and somehow find my way to your doorstep, back to you.

My thoughts are interrupted as I hear my father walk in. He says it's time and notices the tears that; I hadn't even realized running down my face. He tells me that it's normal for the bride to cry on her wedding day since she's leaving behind her old life stepping into the new one, but I won't have anything to worry about since I m going to be spending the rest of my life with the man I love. Little did he know his analysis could be far from the truth. He went on about how important it is to marry the person you love the most and how beautiful life is with that person, and that's the moment my brain and my heart both accepted; the fact that this was the wrong decision.

I asked him for a moment to gather myself, and he allowed it and walked out of the room to give me space before he would walk me down the aisle. My brain stopped functioning as I watched my hands grab my phone and tap your name. I don't know why I was doing it; maybe it was to remind myself; of why I should walk down the aisle with my father by my side. Or maybe, just maybe, I caught a part of me wishing that you would give me a reason to stop. Tell me that our story could still have a happy ending and how you still intended to fulfill all your promises, and we could somehow flash forward to you and me traveling the world like we always talked about.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a voice; it was her. I could feel my heart drop, and this time could even feel the tears as they left my eyes. She kept asking who it was, but I just could no longer feel my voice. I didn't think this could've been worse until I heard you in the back. You kept asking her who it was and that maybe she should just hang up, and the two of you could leave the hotel to visit the streets of Rome, and she did, she hung up. I no longer knew what to feel; you were in Rome with her, the first name in the long list of names of the places you said you would take me. Was I that easy to replace, that easy to forget? You were starting the life we were going to start with her on the day I; was going to start the life everyone wants me to start with him. I collected myself; and walked out to my father, and decided to go through with what everyone expected me to do. After all I was too stubborn to admit that this wasn't something I should go through. Maybe that's what this was about me moving on in a new life before you.

As we were walking down to possibly one of the biggest mistakes I could make. I thought of how maybe that's what we will ever be an epic love that never got the happy ending. Somehow a part of me always believed that despite everything that happened in the end, it would always be the two of us no matter how long it took. Maybe that's all I will ever be to you, the girl you will one day tell your teenager about as the girl you met before their mother who you thought was the one, but then you met their mother and realized she was. Maybe that's what we will ever be to you, a faded memory of the girl in the pretty dress staring at the sunset, who the charming artist once fell for. We would never be like Cinderella and her Prince Charming or Beauty and the Beast we would be like Peter and Wendy.

I could still end this and tell him I cant go through with it and end this relationship and stop this wedding but I am too stubborn to admit that maybe its too late. This marriage had to work, I was too stubborn to admit that it would never.

I was walking to him with your name tattooed on my heart. I looked up to see my fiancé staring back at me, and at that moment, I saw you, not him and I pictured myself walking to you.