Sprawl

I decided to get a tattoo. I have always wanted one, but for some reason I just never did it. I don’t know why. I was planning to get it done that night but my boss, Murray, invited me out to dinner. It was a Friday night around 6:30 and we were at the office. I called my wife, Sam.

“Hey Babe, sorry for the late notice but I won’t be home for dinner. Murray wants me to join him at Musso & Frank. We’re leaving now. I should be home before nine.”

“All good. I didn’t have anything special planned for dinner tonight anyway. Just reheating that lasagna from Wednesday and spinning up a Caesar salad. We'll see you when you get home.”

“Okay. Give Marni a kiss and a little noogie on her scalp for me.”

“She hates that.”

“I know. Just smile at her afterwards and kiss her on the cheek. See ya’ soon.” Marni had been putting increased distance between she and I over the last few years. We used to be thick as thieves, but something changed along the way and I can't say why. I have asked her but she simply refuses to discuss it.

We hung up and I followed Murray in his new Bentley Continental to the restaurant. The valets know us there. They took care of us quickly. We never wait long.

Once we were seated and the martinis arrived, we got down to business.

“Murray, I know that you know there is a lot of social and political opposition to further suburban sprawl in the San Fernando Valley, and it is growing every day. There are problems with everything from water rights, garbage disposal, traffic, easement and a hundred other things that I don’t even want to get into right now. Just talk to our lawyers down at Markusen & McKinley for about five or ten minutes. They’ll tell you. They give it to me in chapter and verse on almost every deal we sign now. We could catch some serious heat here, and it could become very expensive.”

He spoke in his gravelly voice.

“True. That’s true. Also, we could sell another three thousand parcels at approximately…I don’t know…maybe about eight hundred grand up to one point two million per? I think you can do the math on what your commission would be there. And if worse comes to worse they're not gonna be able to pierce the corporate veil anyway. That's why we incorporated. You and I will never be held personally liable, right? This isn’t all that complicated, and that’s what the lawyers are there for anyway. Let them do their job when the time comes. That’s what we pay them for.” He stared at me, unblinking.

I think I hate my boss.

Murray covered the check and we both drove home. He lives on the beach in Malibu. I live up in Holmby Hills. He’s much better off than me but we’re both doing fine.

But I have been feeling very conflicted lately. Increasing environmental concerns and various other matters are starting to create some real cognitive dissonance with my chosen profession as well as my family life. I don’t know if I can do this much longer, but I don’t know what else to do. I have many commitments. Financial commitments. Mortgage payments and tuition at Stamford for Marni next year, car and boat payments and many other things. I really don’t know what kind of work I might turn to next. Bank robbery maybe? Doesn't seem promising.

Anyway, I went to the gym the next morning and afterwards I got my tattoo. It was perfect. A stylized black tribal design that wrapped around my upper right bicep, looking much like rose thorns. It took almost four hours and it was fairly large but could still be concealed beneath the short sleeves of a polo shirt.

In truth, I think a big part of the reason why I did it was because of my declining relationship with my wife, Samantha. Things had been on a downslide for the last few years. Not much action in bed, and not too many smiles at the breakfast table. I think I thought it would turn her on, but in the end I was surely wrong about that.

When I got home that day, Samantha and I talked for a little while about the expansion project at the western edges of the San Fernando Valley. She did not share any of my concerns. She was only concerned about the money.

I think I hate my wife.

On Monday morning, as I was shaving and brushing my teeth and getting ready for the shower, I noticed in the mirror that my tattoo seemed a little bigger than I remembered. Not by much. I wasn’t concerned. I had other things on my mind.

“Murray, I gave it a lot of thought over the weekend. I like bringing in the money just like everyone else, but I think this west valley expansion project-”

He held up his right palm and just cut me off cold.

“Andy, I already know what you are going to say, and I have a conference call with the guys at Greenfield Capital starting in four minutes, so let’s just cut to the chase. We are definitely pursuing this opportunity. There is no question about that. I understand your concerns. We discussed all of this on Friday night over dinner. Your opinion clearly has not changed and neither has mine. The difference is that my name is on the front door.”

He stared at me. Murray didn’t care about suburban sprawl and all of the problems it was bringing to Los Angeles. He was just trying to build a fortune, a legacy. He knew that he would be long gone by the time the consequences could ever reach his zip code. I nodded and told him that I understood.

“Okay, good. But understand this too. I am considering the option of putting Colin in charge of this project. It will either be you or he, and I haven’t made a decision yet but I thought you should know. I need to see you prepared to put your back into this.”

His phone rang and he held up his right index finger and then answered it. I left his office. I had been working there for seven years and there was a time when I actually liked this man.

When I got home around 10:30 that night and changed out of my business attire I looked in the mirror and I quickly saw that a few of the black thorns of my new tattoo had definitely extended further down my right arm, past the elbow and wrapping around to encircle the underside of my forearm. I put on a long sleeve sweatshirt before Sam could see it.

Two days later, as I was shaving and getting ready for the shower, I immediately noticed that my tattoo had extended all the way down to my right wrist and upwards to my shoulder. I showered and got dressed for work, not knowing what to think about this.

That afternoon, Murray called me into his office.

“I wanted to give you some time to reflect on our conversation.” He said no more, waiting for me to respond.

“Sure, Murray. I think maybe we just got off on the wrong foot here and maybe I did not express myself properly. I was simply trying to highlight some of the potential downside consequences of a project like this in that area. But hey, I know you already know this, and like you said, that’s what the lawyers are here for. I get it and I am onboard.”

As I said this I extended my right palm in a subtle gesture, but as I did so my shirt sleeve pulled back a bit and the sharp points of black ink on my wrist were briefly revealed. Murray noticed and furrowed his brows for a moment, but he said nothing.

When I awoke the next morning the black thorns of my new tattoo had covered my right hand all of the way down to my fingertips and it had spread up and around the right side of my neck. Sam saw it right away and stared at me in horror. I quickly left for work before Marni was up for breakfast.

Fortunately, it was a cold day and there were a few people at the office who had been sick recently, so I put on a pair of rubber gloves and a scarf. I knew this would look very strange but at least there was some plausible explanation. I wasn’t feeling well and I was trying to avoid picking up or spreading any more germs. I knew the gloves would look especially weird but I didn’t know what else to do. Ski gloves?

Murray was out at meetings most of that day but when he returned in the late afternoon he called Colin and I into his office. He gave me a very strange look right away. I expected as much.

“Well guys, as I have already told you both, I need to make a decision on who is going to take the lead on this Rio Rancho project. At the moment, it’s down to you two. I don’t want this conversation to take place only behind closed doors. I want you both to have transparency into this decision-making process and the opportunity to make your case for the role.” He seemed to be speaking mostly to Colin.

I think I hate my job.

We were dismissed a short time later and I was pretty sure that I would not be taking the lead on the Rio Rancho development deal. When I got home that night, Sam and Marni were gone, along with most of their clothes and their toothbrushes and various other things.

The next morning the black tattoo thorns had wrapped all of the way around my neck and spread up onto the right side of my jaw. I dressed much the same way as I did the day before with the scarf and rubber gloves, but I added one of those light blue Covid masks to cover the side of my face. I was fired before lunchtime.

The black thorns have now covered my body from head to toe, including my skull, which is shaved clean. I don't remember when that happened. Tonight, I was refused service at a local restaurant just down the block from where I live. I have been eating there for years, but I don’t think they even recognized me.

I received my monthly Visa credit card statement in the mail last week. It showed 17 consecutive daily charges from the Black Dog Tattoo Parlor on the Sunset Strip last month. This was all self-inflicted. There is no real mystery here, just suppressed memories. I guess I just wanted to find a way out. A way out of everything.

I live in a penthouse atop an 18-story luxury apartment building in a very toney neighborhood. I received a letter from building management under my door today saying that several of my neighbors have raised serious concerns about my mental health and stability. Management will be taking legal measures to evict me as soon as possible.

It's strange. I guess this is what I wanted all along. I really don't know where to go from here though. Maybe the sidewalk, 18 floors down?

I think I hate my life.

THE END