Agatha’s footsteps

*As this is my first story on this website I am unsure if this is a sensitive theme. Mention of religious beliefs (not necessarily mine)*

The first snowflakes made their way down to the remains of a once fertile ground. I had seen them do the same dance for twenty winters now, never setting foot outside these grounds. I had been faithful to Arch all my life but had yet to receive any of the things that he had once promised. The doomsday that he had once mentioned never came to pass after all. Our farm that was once used to seeing new faces on a regular basis only had me left as company. Although I had familiarized myself with the cold, I could not help but long for the day when the warmth would find its way back. Her smile, her golden locks befriending the wind on an early spring day, her eyes creating rivers late Autumn and her steady feet making their last performance mid-winter, leaving nothing but perfect footprints outside the wooden door.

 I was fooling myself by thinking she would find herself back here eventually, even if she was simply driven by curiosity. That damn curiosity of hers, if only she had less of it maybe I wouldn’t have been stuck in this farm for this long. I should have left a while back, but I was in denial for a long time and courage is yet to completely embrace me. How could I love her when Arch existed? He was supposed to be my whole world, I wonder if God accepted him with open arms like he said he would. But maybe, and just maybe, Arch is burning in the deepest part of hell. Whatever it is, he is probably having a better time than me right now.

Arch, that name was like a crown of thorns piercing my brain whenever it found its way back. Once upon a time his name could fill rooms with determined souls, Souls longing for a paradise promised by his mouth. He knew it all, I thought. She on other hand walked down a different path, always questioning him, never completely submitting to his illuminated mind. She was the darkness to his light, yet somehow, I can still clearly recall that late summer evening when the flowers showed their prettiest petals, the bird sang my favourite song, and I felt her warmth for the first time.

I should probably get going, I have nothing left to do but to find her, I want to be released from my chains once and for all. I have tried everything to get rid of them on my own but as life would have it, she is the only one with the key. I know this, but even now I can’t help but hesitate while standing on the front porch. Just one step, one step and I can get going, but what if she never made it out of the forest? What if she left this earth long ago? Would I really be alone till the end? No, there was no point for me to dwell on such thoughts, I would simply have to find another solution if that was the case. I took my first step and walked, I walked all the way to the fence for the first time and what probably was going to be the last. I closed the fence behind me and continued walking.

Once I made it to about 30 km west, I had my first encounter with people from the outside. The corrupt creatures were partaking in an extremely shameless and intimate moment behind the naked oak tree. Had I been a few years younger and more energetic, I would have made a scene, but after all these years I have come to understand that screaming or just talking overall requires an unnecessary amount of energy. Believe me, those cursed crows would know, so instead I simply walked past them, letting the stars and the moon be my only light for the night.

Two Years. I had been walking and searching for two whole years. The world truly is corrupted not a single soul seems like it will be saved if it continues going at this rate. With every passing step I picture the old table in my kitchen and how I missed the years I spent doing nothing but looking out at the sparrows trying their best to survive. Regardless of my deep attachment to my previous house, I knew that there was no going back now. I had to simply keep walking. People constantly flooding the streets that my bonny legs wondered. Oh, my poor blue feet that wanted rest, my sorry eyes that had peeked into every home they had come across, not once had I taken a break.

The flowers had just started to show their faces and the town I found myself in was not too bad. I had finally grown accustomed to people outside and their loud nature. I passed by a park with children chasing bubbles they would never catch, when I finally decided to sit down on a well-kept wooden bench. My eyes were fixated on the swaying trees when I heard her familiar voice yelling at a kid on a swing to slow down, and in the same breath scolding a man for not paying enough attention. My neck swung to the side in a matter of seconds. Then I saw her, the most beautiful woman on this earth bringing spring whenever she smiled, making every nightingale full of envy whenever she talked. She once again redirected her gaze towards the book in her hand and simply continued her task. The urge to cry was overwhelming and I could not resist to hug her one last time. For once in 23 years, I felt the warmth coming back, consuming my whole being. My Warmth, my Sarah, my baby, how I wish I could embrace you forever. That’s when I finally saw the light, and it was calling for me with such force that I could not help but feel like following it. I turned back one last time exiting with the only phrase that had been stuck on my mind for years “I am so sorry for not being a better mother.”