CLAUSTROPHOBIC CRUELTY

The darkest corner of her worst nightmares couldn’t have prepared her for this moment. Ivy stood alone trapped in a box with her demons, even the large, normally intrusive mirror couldn’t find her reflection. She took a deep inhale reminding herself to breathe, she would live through this she told herself. With no one else to save her she knew she had to save herself. The complete silence was disturbing her, she longed for a noise, a sign that she was not alone, forgotten. Already dead.

Before she had lost the power in her phone, she had clung to it, dimming the screen to save the last few seconds of normality. She had moved twenty inches to the right, fifty to the left but the sacred bars stayed down, spitefully still, stopping any attempt at communication. A tear had fallen from her cheek as the light faded. In her hand was nothing more than a piece of cold metal, heartless and thoughtless. She had pressed every button over and over again, the rhythm of her fingers sliding  up and down as she pushed each one providing her with a few seconds of calm, until the calm had turned into uncontrollable frustration, she replaced fingertips for fists, pounding them harder and harder against the buttons that refused to acknowledge her.

If she had not been so far from another sole the bloodcurdling scream would have pierced some hearts.

Now she sat, despairingly, out of ideas. Her energy was draining and the small peanut bar did little to revive it so she clasped her legs, shut her eyes and stilled herself, all of her was consumed by fear, it sat around her, on top of her and inside her until she began to shake uncontrollably. Her limbs rattled. Her legs became useless and her teeth chattered simultaneously.

Seconds, minutes and hours became unrecognisable but with the passing of some time she regained control over her body. Her throat still ached from the endless screaming she had done after the lights had gone out and the doors had refused to open. She turned her head to rest her cheek on her forearms which were resting on her knees, although she could see only black, her eyes felt more adjusted, as if they belonged to the darkness.

Exhaustion washed over her, cleansing some of the fear that had overcome her. As her body began to rest her mind began to wonder.  She questioned her existence, what was her place in the universe if  without a moments notice a machine could eradicate her routine and her expectations? Had no one noticed she had vanished, or did no one care? Was this moment a punishment from a far greater power for her floundering gratitude or her tired after work attitude or the lie she had told earlier that day to sweet Seth from I.T. He fixed her computer first, every time, brought her coffee daily, changed her late login times to precisely eight thirty am and drove her home when her car broke down. Still, she had dismissed him without a moments hesitation, he wasn’t her type. He was too smart, too thin, too tall, not like anyone she had ever dated before. Now she wished more than anything that she had said yes. That he had stepped inside the elevator with her like he always did, every evening, instead of standing, watching the elevator doors close with his disappointed spectacled eyes. His phone battery would have been charged and his spare battery pack would have been tucked into his left shirt pocket, he would have known exactly how many hours they would be able to survive. If there was a way to make contact with the rest of the world he would have known that too. If she lived through this, she vowed to go on a date with him, heck maybe she would even marry him. She didn’t want to be alone again. Never.

She let her eyes close for a few minutes drifting off into delusion. Breathing heavily. Her body wouldn’t give her peace and shuddered her out of her rest, reminding her that she was still alive. She stretched one leg out and then the other, winding her neck round to touch each shoulder. “I’m alive she whispered, “I’m alive” she spoke to herself. “I’m still alive” she screamed into the stillness.

Hope made her stand up, she moved, feeling every inch of the space that enclosed her.

She imagined finding a shaft to climb out of in the roof, like she had watched in the movies, she could see herself now retelling the story, her wide eyed friends shaking their heads in admiration as she spoke of scaling walls and shimmying down elevator cables to safety. It would never happen, but she allowed herself to dream because everyone needs a dream. It is after all our dreams which get us through each day, giving us hope and willingness to try again tomorrow.

When hope was gone Ivy lay down on the cold, dirty floor and prepared herself for the end.  A violent shudder jolted her, then a blinding light pained her eyes until she could see nothing in front of her though the darkness was gone.

The doors are open and yet she is still alone. Slowly finding the ability to see, she finds herself free, like God had opened the doors himself. Tears fell flowing shamelessly as she takes the stairs to the ground floor, gasping for air, she reaches the door, the sun is rising. She admires the sky, hyperventilating with gratitude.

A key turns in the door ready to let her leave the sixteen story office which had imprisoned her. Seth looks at her awkwardly. “Here on a Sunday Ivy?” She throws herself into his arms ignoring his question. He comforts her well and guides her safely to his car. “Let me take you home Ivy.”

She wonders why he is here on a Sunday but doesn’t care. She has never heard better words in her life.  She thinks it might be a sign, she might even invite him up.

Seth sighs behind the steering wheel, hoping that Ivy has learnt a valuable lesson. He hadn’t set out to cause her pain but flipping the switch, it was what she deserved. She just needed a gentle push, a reminder of his worth.