Silly Meera

A cat hissed, a crow squawked, and Meera shrieked gleefully from her perch on the windowsill. A fuzzy cat, with thin eyes, had jumped from the bush in Meera’s front yard and swiped at a large black bird whose beak was digging through a pile of dirt. The bird flew away with a wriggling string in its mouth as Meera watched the cat following from the road.

“Meera!” Mommy called. It was time to go to the park! Meera rushed from the windowsill to the front door where Mommy waited. She helped Meera put on her outside shoes and tie the bunnies on each one. When Mommy’s shoes were on too she looked down at Meera and smiled.

Meera knew the walk to the park well. They passed big houses with faces made from empty windows. Meera liked the sidewalks too, there was colored chalk on some driveways, Meera knew there were new friends in those houses that she just hadn’t met yet. Tiny bugs crossed her path and small plants that felt like carpet crept along the cracks between big grey stones. Sometimes Meera would jump on a crack on purpose and stare up at Mommy. “Silly Meera”, Mommy would smile, “Stepping on a crack won’t break Mommy’s back.” Mommy would always steer Meera one way, then another. Holding her hand, tugging her shirt, especially when other people talked to Mommy. Meera would be ushered into Mommy’s shadow and Mommy would speak in boring words that Meera didn’t understand. That was okay, there were more bugs in the shadows and Meera would pick strings of grass and look for ladybugs until the shadow shifted and it was time to go.

In the park Meera had to watch Mommy unfold her blanket and nod along as Mommy said, “I’ll be right here, go no further than the tree trunks” and then Meera was free to dig with sticks and pick at the white flowers and follow the tickle bees as they buzzed around the bushes.The park also had a long slide and big colored poles planted in a wood chip pit, but Meera much preferred the muddy, squirming expanse of greenery that outlined the park. Trees and bushes and dirty puddles circled a grassy field that she was free to explore. The trees had wide limbs and hung low to the ground, spreading out to frail green fingers that Meera picked when she was bored. Sometimes the older kids climbed them but Meera wasn’t high enough to reach a strong branch.

Meera picked her way to the side of a treetrunk, making wide steps to avoid dandelions and fluffs of grass. Close to her boundary she could feel Mommy’s eyes on her like a little string tugging her ear. There was something a little not good about disobeying Mommy, something like a stone in her pocket that didn’t really have a shape. Meera looked up to the sky in her best impression of a good Meera and shuffled her feet a few steps back into the light of the field. She glanced back at Mommy’s blanket and the stare from Mommy’s shiny dark eyes shocked Meera like the water from the sprinkler on a hot day. Meera was trapped in Mommy’s look until a bee buzzed past and landed on a blade of grass. What pretty grass, she thought, as she snapped the blade between her fingers. It smelled like her crayons when they were left too long in the sun.

A kitty hissed nearby and Meera followed the sound to the shade of a long branch. A tail swished into the shadows leaving a pale grey bird on the ground. One wing twisted sharply to the sky, the other lay flat and still. The feathers on the belly of the bird looked very fluffy but slowly they started to turn darker and looked sticky like syrup. The bird’s eyes were so shiny and they seemed to get bigger as Meera looked at them. The bird’s eyes grew and grew until they were the size of great big windows. A pretty blue sky and lumps of clouds like pillows sailed by through the windows. Looking at the windows felt like sitting in Meera’s spot at the windowsill except Meera felt light and a little cold and her tummy felt funny. Meera wanted to sit down but the sky in front of her eyes seemed to keep growing until the browns and greens of the park faded away and all she could see were the clouds. Meera's head felt so light, like a balloon starting to float-- a sharp hand grabbed Meera’s shoulder and pulled her away. The park washed down over her and Meera burst into tears.

Mommy was warm and she smelled like the sharp juice she drank every morning, and she waited until Meera’s tear ducts were dry before she said. “Meera, that bird is dying. It’s going on a trip but it doesn’t need a body to get there. It just lays down and goes away.” Meera nodded, rubbing her face on Mommy’s pretty sweater. “When little animals go on their trip we can’t watch them, because sometimes animals don’t want to go, so they’ll try to stay with you instead. So when we see a little animal laying down, and going away you have to close your eyes and wish it a safe journey, like this,” Mommy put her right thumb in her mouth and bit down lightly. Then she extended her fingers in front of her face and waved her hand to the left slowly until the tip of her pinky touched her left ear. Mommy looked straight at Meera, did it again and whispered “Safe journey Mr. Bird.”

Meera did her best to copy Mommy, even though her hand didn’t look as pretty and her teeth hurt her thumb, “safe journey Mr. Bird!” Mommy looked over Meera, wiped some dirt off Meera’s kneecap and set her down. Meera felt the tug of Mommy’s stare a few more times as she went back to her digging and picking and watching at the edge of the grass far from the bird.

It must be a nice trip, Meera thought, most trips go somewhere nice. Sometimes on trips Meera got a treat if she wasn’t too wriggly and she stayed quiet during Mommy’s boring talks and was overall a very good Meera. Meera thought what a pretty blue the sky had been in the bird’s windows, she wanted to squeeze the fluffy clouds. Maybe there was a treat at the end of that trip too.

Meera was making a home for a very friendly ladybug out of a leaf and flower petals when she heard the cat hiss again. This time when she crawled into the cool shadow of a tree the dying bird was smaller and fluffier too. Meera wanted to pick it up and squish it in the palm of her hand, instead she squished the wet dirt between her fingers. The bird was very wriggly making tiny circles with its wings in the ground.

Meera looked at Mommy, she was busy talking to other tall, pretty, ladies. A soft wind blew on Meera but she was so strong she planted herself like a tree, and crouched close to the ground. Meera looked at the bird as the wriggling stopped and the bird’s eyes looked so shiny and wet. While Meera stared, the eyes grew bigger and bigger, to the size of big wide windows. There weren’t any clouds through these windows, just a thin sheet like a stack of bath time bubbles and Meera could still see the trees and the dirt of the park through the other side. Meera reached up and stretched a dirty clawed hand to touch the sheet. It was slightly sticky and soft like gummy candy. Meera stretched her whole arm through and on the other side she could see her skin was clean and shiny. Her tummy felt a bit funny as she stumbled forward through the sheet leaving a Meera sized hole behind her. There was another shape on this side of the sheet, clean and shiny like Meera but it had the shape of a bird. It darted through the hole Meera left and into the chest of the dirty, crouched Meera on the other side. Shiny Meera watched as the couched Meera stood up, waved her arms wildly, and took unsteady steps back towards the grass.

Meera felt so light and empty, like she had swallowed a bit of the sky. Her tummy didn’t hurt at all anymore. Plus she was shiny, like she was the sun and everything was a little more bright. Meera looked at the trees around her, and the ground beneath her feet. When she looked at the dirt she didn’t just see the brown ground and parts of leaves, now she saw tons of little things, all moving and wiggling. She thought she could pick one up between her two big fingers but when she tried the little things were just too small. Meera seemed to pass right through them like she was stepping through a shadow.

This wiggly, shiny world was so new! It smelled a bit sweet like flowers in the garden and a bit stinky too like when Meera used the potty. Meera liked looking at the leaves in the trees, they changed colors in front of her, there were pretty oranges and bright greens. When Meera jumped she could get so high, she could definitely reach a branch to climb trees now. She hopped up and down, looking at leaves, sitting on branches, trying to pick up all the wriggling things she found there.

On one low branch Meera had a perfect view of the slide in the distance. There were other kids there now, watched by their Mommies not far away. Where was Mommy? Meera thought, when she looked over the field she couldn’t see Mommy, or the dirty Meera either. Meera climbed down from her tree, waving at a chirping baby bird in a nest full of sticks. She hopped across the grass looking for Mommy’s blanket but that was gone too.

Meera felt a little sad now. She didn’t feel hungry even though snack time had passed and all the tiny wiggly things were starting to make Meera’s head feel silly. She walked to the edge of the park, the same place where Meera & Mommy started to walk home. The street was quiet but Meera knew she wasn’t supposed to cross the street alone. Since Mommy wasn’t here Meera had to be the very best Meera. She stood on the street corner for a few minutes until another mommy came by pushing a stroller. Even when Meera asked very politely, the mommy didn’t hold her hand so Meera just followed her very closely when she wasn’t looking.

Meera made her way home being very careful not to step on cracks and waiting for another mommy or daddy before crossing any road. When she reached her street she ran the whole way to her house. She saw through the front window Mommy and a very dirty Meera. The dirty Meera was crawling on the furniture in her outside shoes (bad Meera!) and sticking her face very close to a plate of snacks on the floor. Dirty Meera would sit on the floor and wriggle her face close to the plate. Wrong, Meera thought, that’s not how we eat! The dirty Meera didn’t get any food wriggling on the floor, so she would stand up slowly and jump up and down, crawl on the furniture, and shriek from her mouth before sitting down and trying again.

Mommy stood in the doorway, still wearing her park sweater. Mommy’s face was so big and still, like she couldn’t move it even if she wanted to. Mommy looked at dirty Meera with the stare Meera remembered, the one that pulled her ear like a string, but dirty Meera didn’t notice it at all. She had gone back to wiggling the cheese slices on the floor into her open mouth. No Mommy, Meera, thought, not me, not me!

Meera knocked her shiny fist on the window and dirty Meera squawked in frustration and Mommy’s eyes were big and sad like a puddle but she said nothing at all.