Poison

It was an icy winter day, the kind that makes you not want to leave the house. An eerie feeling began to consume my flesh starting from my toes, creeping up to my spine making the little goosebumps rise to my neck, to a tickle on my shoulder. At that moment I knew I wasn't alone. Trying to remain calm, picking up my dog and running to the door, that same feeling stopped Me in my tracks. Who was it, or what was it? I could smell the stench of hard liquor and cigarettes both of which I hadn't been doing in a year or so after I became sober, so I knew it wasn't me. It was a familiar feeling, a type of uncomfortable memory that left a hole in my chest that was once filled with hope, a memory that had been locked and sealed trying to be forgotten prior to the encounter. It was him.

     He was an enchanting man, the type you see in movies. That mysterious type, you know what I'm talking about. When he was alive he was such a charming man, the kind to always keep you on your toes, always full of surprises and keep you coming back for more. I spent years, even lifetimes trying to forget that feeling of suspense he always offered with every association. This wasn't just a regular thing, this was an unbreakable bond that not even many deaths could tear apart, this was a soul bond, a chained reaction that had been linked over and over and centuries long, decades of lifetimes. I once loved him more than myself or anything I ever knew, till I realized I was in love with poison. The devil himself. There was a time when it was thought he loved me too but it was just a trick, he could only really ever love himself the narcissist that he was, but boy could he pretend.

      A whisper glided into my ear, “my love,” oh what cold words. “what are you doing here,” I reply with a temporary feeling of excitement followed by fear. “I came to see you of course,” he speaks louder as the windows begin to fog. “but how?” I question, as he begins to fade and at that moment he is gone. “Ha! typical” I say to myself, he never knew how to stick around for longer than a minute, then again back in the day neither could I . We had the kind of, if I dare to say, relationship that was so intense it was hard to keep. It was as though our energies were so intertwined if we were to stay next to each other for too long we'd blow up the world. Normally an unwanted encounter with an ex lover would be uncomfortable and in this case it was very so, considering he had died two years ago.

     Our relationship was never “normal”, when I first met him he was dating my best friend, but the moment our eyes met, my soul recognized his. It was a complicated situation; our past lives didn't end well and with that knowing, this lifetime wouldn't be any different. He knew how to drain my energy and use it for his gain and I always let him. A hopeless romantic with my heart on my sleeve willing to give my life away to poison. An ominous tone started to ring in my ears “always thinking about me, huh?” this time I was less surprised and began to realize I might have a case of being haunted. I always had the ability to connect with the spiritual realm and to the deceased, but in this case it left a bad taste in the aura. Before he died we didn't end well so I knew he was out for revenge.

       I would try to run away but I knew he would follow, there really wasn't anywhere to run to when you have a ghost on your back. How would I overcome this I began to think, and then with a response of “you can't.” now I knew he could read my thoughts, great. Trying to remain calm I tried to think of the best solution, go to a church? Try to get an exorcism? “They'll think you're crazy darling,” he says with a snare. “Get out of my head you demon,” Screaming as I proceed to the nearest exit. The door wouldn't open, my couch flew across the room, paintings began to fall off the walls, my hair began to stand up and the room became dark. At this point I knew I was in trouble, what was I supposed to do? I never dealt with something like this before. I then remembered a year prior when I was in a dark place before I got sober, drinking every night, and suicidal, I had an encounter with Jesus. Now before that point, God was a figment of imagination I believed in evolution, science, but when I was at my lowest, was when I began to grow faith. I began to think if he helped me then he could help me now. The more I prayed the more the demon got angry, increasingly destroying everything in my home, but I continued to pray “I plead the blood of Jesus over my home, please remove this unwanted spirit from my body, my soul, my home, in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!” at that moment there was silence, peace, calmness. I knew I was safe, although my love for my poison was strong, my love for Jesus was stronger as well as his love for me and I was free at last.

         A few months later I started a new relationship, a happy and healthy one that was filled with love and compassion. It was a beautiful summer day and we were by a lake and while lying down looking up at the clouds a beautiful white butterfly flew by and a knowing came over me that when I freed myself from my past and my exes spirit, I also freed him as well, and along with my peace he got his and I realized that was all we ever wanted.