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Fiction Funny Bedtime

Two male colleagues are leaving their office building late on a Friday afternoon stop, as one, name Fred, the taller and more muscular of the two, asks the other, named George, “Are you coming tonight?”

George’s Internal Voice

“No, no, no. I don’t want to go to the office party.”

George’s External Voice

“What are you talking about Fred?”

Fred

“The party to celebrate the boss’ birthday. I’m surprised you don’t know about it. Everybody has been talking about it.”

George’s Internal Voice

“It was all I could do to ignore it.”

George’s External Voice

“So you reckon that there will be a lot of people at the party, then?”

Fred

“Yep, and the boss has a big house that can hold us all. It’s huge.”

George’s Internal Voice

“I hate big parties. No one talks to me, and I don’t particularly like talking to people I barely know either, being polite when I just want to leave.

George’s External Voice

“Are you supposed to bring a present? I wouldn’t want to be the only, or one of the few not to bring a present for the boss.’

Fred

“Joe bought the boss a new set of speakers. You know what a big suck up he is. He asked people to chip in to help pay for it. All you have to do is go up to the Joe, and give him some money. Then you can stand with the others who chipped in, and be part of the ‘we’ that got the boss a nice gift. I gave Joe some money.”

George’s Internal Voice

“Oh that’s great! Spending hard-earned on our idiot boss. And Joe will be sure to hog all the credit, all the glory.”

George’s External Voice

“I guess that would be all right. But are we supposed to take a plus one with us, not come alone. I don’t have a plus one. I could be the odd man out.”

Fred

“No worries, George. I won’t be taking a plus one with me, not since the divorce. And I know a bunch of guys from the office who are going it alone. With a bit of luck a few of the single secretaries will be there as well. You might get lucky.”

George’s Internal Voice

“That’s all I need, to be shot down by one of those snobby secretaries, like Jeanie or Sophie. That would be great for my reputation and self-esteem. I would be mocked for months by the guys at work.”

George’s External Voice

“So where is the boss’s place? I think I heard that it’s on the far side of town, so it would hard to find if you have never been there before, which I haven’t. I’d hate to get lost, and look a fool”

Fred

“You do not have to worry about that. You can’t miss the boss’ house. It’s the tallest building for blocks, and has solar panels on the roof. It is really easy to find, like a castle towering over the meagre houses of the villagers.

George’s Inner Voice

“There goes another good excuse, flushed right down the toilet. Now I will have to think up another. Fred must go out a lot.”

George’s External Voice

“Well, that seems okay then. I guess if I go, I wouldn’t have any problems finding the boss’ place then. Now, what about how you dress The boss dresses kind of fancy at work, expensive jacket almost a tuxedo, and pants that look like they get ironed every day. I’m kind of an informal dresser myself, as you can see from what I am wearing right now. I don’t own a suit jacket, and I long ago forgot how to tie a tie, and bowties look dinky to me – for clowns and male strippers. Do you think he would expect a kind of dress code?”

Fred

“From what I know it will be quite informal. I have seen the boss rip off his tie when he gets into his car. And no one I talked to is dressing up, so I don’t think that you’ll have any problems wearing the right sort of clothes. It’s come as you are.”

George’s Inner Voice

“Okay, what can I say now? What is left as an excuse?”

George’ External Voice

“What about drinking? Are there going to be undeclared drinking contests among the men, with those who only have one or two drinks being declared losers? I’ve heard about such things from my brother. I’m a light drinker myself, and I do not want to be shamed for being one.”

Fred

“There wasn’t anything like that at the boss’s last birthday party. That was about a month before you were hired. I’m a light drinker myself, and I did not have any problems the last time. You would be okay.”

George’s Inner Voice

“What can I say now? I’m getting desperate here. Wait. I’ve got one more.”

George’s External Voice

“What about smoking? Will that be permitted, even outside? I’m an occasional smoker, especially when I get nervous. And parties make me nervous. I don’t think that the boss smokes, and he might strongly disapprove of those of us who do, even occasionally.”

Fred

“You’ve got no worries there. The boss smokes. There’s a room in his office that smells of cigarette smoke. And at his last birthday party, he was outside several times with the other smokers.”

There is a slight pause.

‘So are you going to come to the party or not?”

George External Voice

“We’ll see. I don’t know just yet.”

George’s External Voice

“ Hello, hello, hello, I’m here – George the party boy is here.. Let’s knock back some shots, bust a few moves dancing, I think I see Jeanie standing there in the far corner, all by her lonesome. And we can talk real bad about people who aren’t here tonight. Boss-man, have we ever got something special for you as a birthday present. LET US PAR-TEH. 

Heh, where’s my man big Fred. He is the man who told me about this big time shindig. I want to thank him for that. I haven’t been to a party in at least two weeks. I was going a little stir crazy.”

Joe

“Oh don’t you know. Fred hates parties. He’s just one of those shy guys. He’s never been to any of our parties.”

July 25, 2021 20:47

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