Burnout

Not again... Anna’s hand tightened around a paint-stained brush. Before her stared an angry red face with splotches resembling burns. The urge to stab the image bubbled up from inside her. 

“Everything alright?” Came a voice next to her.

Anna faced a young woman whose borrow was furrowed. A brush daintily dangled between her paint-stained fingers. 

“Oh, yeah, it’s just...” her voice trailed off as she stole a glimpse of the canvas in-front of the other woman. 

It was almost as if someone had placed a mirror in-front of her, her dark ringlet curls bore the same reddish shine that only exposed themselves in perfect lighting and the light freckles splattered across her nose reflected the young woman’s appearance with a startling accuracy. 

“It’s perfect,” Anna said with a hint of awe and envy in her voice. 

Her eyes darted, scanning the room. Several of her classmates were circled around the room, their faces buried deep in their own paintings. In the room's corner, the professor's desk sat. He appeared to be scrolling through his computer. Anna turned back to the woman and continued, “I mean your portrait. It looks just like you. As if someone had taken a snapshot.”

With a feeble smile, the woman turned to admire her own creation. 

“Oh no, it’s really not that good.” She said, while placing her brush down into a glass of murky brown water. “I’m actually not very good at painting people, let alone myself. It’s the whole reason I took this class. I’m more of a landscape type person.”

“If you think your portrait isn’t very good, then you other paintings must be masterpieces...”

The woman’s eyes glowed at her remark and her pearly white teeth poked through her smiling lips.

“I’m Christel by the way”, the woman said, her eyes fluttering as she spoke.

“Christel...” Anna repeated. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Anna.”

Christel’s smile grew even wider. Then she turned her head towards Anna’s painting. 

“Can I see yours?” 

Anna’s skin prickled, and the lightness in her face rapidly faded. 

“Oh... mine isn’t nearly as good as yours.”

“Don’t be modest, let me see.” Christel leaned her body off to the side, almost rocking the stool she sat on.

“I umm…” Anna stuttered as Christel peered over at her work. She watched as her eyes traveled up and down, as if they were taking in every single detail of her artwork. Christel then spoke up, “Fauvism...” her voice trailed off before adding, “yours will certainly be unique,” she said with an upward inflection. 

Their eyes met, and Anna did her best to force a smile on her lips.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it as an insult, I swear! The color you made your face is very striking. It really stands out.”

Ana wished she could shrink herself down and silently disappear. Nothing would bring her more pleasure than ending this humiliating conversation. 

“Yeah uhhh.. Right, Fauvism.” Anna said, looking back at the atrocity that was her self-portrait. 

The face staring back at her had angry red colored skin and a bumpy texture from layers upon layers of paint piled up.

“It’s not meant to be fauvism, is it?” Christel asked.

Anna shook her head. The urge to puncture the image before her rose again. She forced the feeling back down into the pit of her stomach. 

“The assignment was supposed to be a realistic self-portrait. I don’t understand why the color is so bad, I do portraits all the time. I’ve never made such a monstrosity before.”

“Don’t call it that. It’s really not that bad.”

Hot tears welled up in Anna’s eyes. She tilted her head upwards, hoping they wouldn’t fall from her eyes. 

“Right, not that bad. Hopefully, the professor will see it that way.”

Christel stood up from her stool and perched behind Anna. She leaned over her shoulder and Anna could feel her hair lightly brush against her cheek. The smile had disappeared from her lips and her eyes squinted in a pinpoint focus. Time seemed to crawl. Anna hated watching her examine her work this throughly. Why is she looking this long? Please, just stop looking at it, Anna thought. 

A dainty finger with blood red nail polish pointed at her painting, almost contacting the canvas.

“All is not lost. The paint is still wet. It can be fixed.” 

Still looking at her own painting, Anna shook her head.

“I’ve tried. It just keeps going back to this ugly red color.”

“Let me help you. I’ve fixed many painting disasters of my own.” Christel righted herself and looked down at Anna. “And believe me, I’ve had plenty of my own,” she added. 

Anna gave a halfhearted chuckle. She could feel her cheeks warm up, and she wondered if her cheeks were as red as her painting.

“Add some extra green to neutralize all that red color”. Christel said, while handing her a squeeze tube of green paint. 

Anna took the tube from her and twisted it open. It crackled from the dried paint around the rim as she removed the cap. She felt her heart sink once again. She had already previously attempted to neutralize the ember red color, but as soon as any paint contacted the canvas, the red seemed to devour it. 

Still feeling uneasy, Anna squeezed the tube and placed a large glob of green paint right in the middle of her skin toned color mixture that she had previously mixed. A pang of sadness drifted through her body as she mixed the paint together. She thought the color was a perfect match to her own skin tone. 

The resulting color was now a muted green rather than flesh colored. Anna cringed at the idea of placing the unpleasant color on her canvas. The tip of the brush plunged into the paint, then she brought it to her painting and smothered the burnt red with the freshly mixed paint.

“I think this is going to work”, Christel said, her voice sounding confident.

After several brush strokes, Anna sat back. Within seconds, the neutralized flesh color transformed back into the blaring red.

“Huh...” Christel said, as she moved closer to examine the painting. “That’s weird... Maybe you need to add more.”

Anna lowered her gaze and took a deep breath. Her whole body began trembling. She looked over at her palette. The ceiling light reflected in the still wet greenish hued paint. This is insane, she thought to herself. 

Anna reached over for the palette. A small, twisted smile creeped across her lips. 

“More color… I think you're right. It does need more color.”

She could see Christel’s eyes narrow, and her eyebrows draw together. Then, with quivering hands, Anna brought the palette over to her painting.

“Hey, what are you…” Christel couldn’t finish before Anna thrust the palette into her painting. 

Anna couldn’t help but to let out a quick, loud, sharp laugh as she gave the palette a turn, then dragged it across her painting. Only a glimpse of the red face remained behind the circle of muted green.

Christel’s jaw dropped. “Oh, Anna…” Christel said while taking a few steps back.

Anna could feel other eyes watching her from across the classroom. She glanced around and saw several intense gazes peeking out from behind their canvases.

“We can’t fix that now. Why did you do that?” Christel said, her voice shaking.

It took a few moments before Anna had realized what she had done. Days’ worth of work ruined. A tear fell onto her cheek. She promptly brushed it away and set her palette back down.

In a trembling voice, Anna said, “that has got to be enough paint now.”

From the corner of her eye, she could see Christel shake her head.

“Now just give it a second”, Anna said, her voice now sounded nasally and quaked with every word. 

“The project ends today. There is no way you can paint…” Christel’s voice broke off.

“What the?”

The previously green paint on the portrait turned red. It looked as though they were witnessing a chameleon effortlessly merging with its surroundings. The smear on the portrait ceased to exist within seconds. It had become one with the horrid red disfigured face that stared back at the women. 

“There is something wrong with the paint, some kind of chemical reaction.” Christel reached over and fumbled around, looking for one of her own tubes of paint. She then offered it to Anna. “Try mine.”

“It won’t make a difference,” Anna said while mirroring the eerie smile on her portraits face. “This is it. It won’t change. It’s cursed.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Something is wrong with the paint. Maybe if you tell the professor, he’ll give you a few extra days to redo it.”

Anna turned her gaze towards Christel and locked eyes with her.

“This is my second painting. I’ve already restarted it. Each time my face just goes back to looking like this….”

Behind them, a deep male voice spoke. “Anna, is everything alright?” 

They both turned and saw the professor standing behind them, his lips twisted below his dark thick mustache.

“Anna, what is… That is awfully is macabre. The assignment was realistic self-portraits, my dear.” He turned his attention to Anna’s face. “I’m sure you're feeling burned out by this class, but you shouldn’t reflect that in this assignment.” 

He then shook his head and walked away with his fingers interlocked behind his back. 

A sob threatened to escape Anna’s throat. She snatched her painting, and without another word to Christel, she stormed out of the classroom.

I just want to forget about today, Anna thought to herself as she lit a cinnamon scented candle next to her bed. Breathing in the comforting smell of cinnamon, she noticed her painting, now torn and tossed aside in a trash bin. She lowered the lights, picked up a book, then threw herself into bed. She sought solace in a story, wanting to forget about her blunders earlier today.

With each page turn her eyes grew heavier until it became impossible to fight. The book slipped from her hands and landed on the side table near the lit candle. The warm scent of cinnamon lulled her into a deeper sleep. Another scent followed, deeper, reminiscent of a fireplace. The warmth beside her grew, calling her deeper into endless sleep. The torn painting watched from the trash bin, hoping and waiting for Anna’s face to finally match its own.