Faith

"Faith, slow down!", Mama interrupts Faith. "There are seven more people who still need to eat, Faith."

"But I am hungry Mama...I didn't eat anything for a whole day!", Faith sounds wounded.

"And so didn't any of us. You have to learn to think about your family. Don't always think about yourself. You must remember where you are from and act in that way", Mama continues, "After your Papa's...you know what...you must not forget for a moment that we are poor. We are poor. Yes, you are from a poor family that is fighting for the very meal. DAY IN DAY OUT!", her eyes redden and yet she keeps talking, "No point thinking that you are a princess or you can be happy because you are not, Faith! You have to accept the harsh rea..."

"Fine!", Faith raises her voice and just runs away. She never has agreed to Mama's view of life. After Papa's death, their family is definitely going through a very difficult time. But that doesn't mean she can not be happy. She finds it really silly. Life is already hard. What's the point of worsening it? Everyone tells her that she is unrealistic and she has to wake up. And then what? To see the pain everyone else sees? Is that why she needs to wake up like everyone else? Whenever Mama sees Faith enjoying anything, she starts to lecture all the sad words and tales. It is forbidden to be happy. To even try is a luxury. Her siblings and old Grandma, all agree with Mama. And so do all the neighbors. Faith really doesn't understand why people are like this. She feels left out. Even from her own family. Yesterday they could not sell chocolates. The current pandemic forces people to stay at home for a longer time. Hawkers having a really bad business these days. They had nothing to eat yesterday. Faith is so hungry. But now her appetite is lost. Her big black eyes are filled with tears, sight gets blurry. She tries to take her attention into something else. Maybe looking at the cloudy sky will help. She looks at the sky and notices a wonderful shape. It looks like a Unicorn! Papa used to play with her and make stories from the cloud shapes. The unicorn was his favorite too! Faith starts to miss Papa so much right now. She feels like weeping. She tries to force it from coming but it hurts her chest whenever she tries to stop crying.

"Fei Fei", Grandma calls her from behind,"Come inside and eat something, you should not be angry with food."

"No, I am full. I ate enough of her talks", Faith doesn't turns to Grandma. Her face is twisted with annoyance.

"Come, Fei Fei. My back hurts. I am an old woman."

Faith's eyebrows almost touch each other. She is annoyed yet she stands up and walks towards Grandma and helps her to go inside. There is a plate covered with another. She silently sits down and starts to eat. Mama starts her lecture again.

Faith wakes up and lights a candle. She checks everyone carefully. Everyone is sleeping. Mama doesn't like that she writes. Though Papa always loved her writing. Papa used to say that Faith could be a great writer someday. He used to say that her writing has an ability to touch hearts. Back then when Papa was alive, she used to go to school. Some of her stories were published in the school magazine. Those golden memories! Faith sighs. She checks again if anyone is awake. No. Good. She starts to write in her blue covered notebook. It was a gift from Papa.

"Faith!", Mama's loud voice startles her, "What are you doing wasting the candles and what the hell you are writing? How are you going to work tomorrow if you don't get enough sleep?"

Faith takes a minute to recover from the startle.

"I'm not was-"

"You are! You are wasting everything. But you know what you are wasting the most? Your time and your life!"

"This candle is a gift from Lucy..."

"So what? You are wasting time! What will you do with all your fancy writings? Are you going to be J.K Rowling? Huh? Huh? Answer me! These are not for us. Faith. Wake up! Wake the hell up from your daydreams!"

Faith is speechless. He breathes deeply.

"Give me those garbages", Mama demands.

"NO!"

"Faith!", she furiously shouts, her eyes are burning. Grandma, Poly, Liam, Beth and Han wake up. Mama sintantly decides to make them all her witness. "I am going to teach this girl today where she belongs!"

"You are not going to make me the victim that you are!", Faith protests. Mama makes a gesture to snatch the notebook from her. Faith quickly moves and screams, "Mama! Just for tonight. Trust me, I tolerated all your negativity for a whole year. But I, Faith, have the faith that you are not a bad person!", Mama suddenly stops chasing her and stands still in the middle of the room. Everyone has forgot to move. Faith takes a few very deep breathes.

"You are hurt and tired and you have given up on life after Papa left. I understand. You feel like there is nothing to fight for or to hold on to. And you think giving up is better than holding your hopes up high and getting disappointed. I know Mama", Faith starts to breath even faster. Mama tries to open her mouth but she looks into Faith's eyes and decides to be silent.

"You just want to protect me from hope because I may get disappointed and be hurt. But Mama, I got hurt already. I went through pain already. I already have become disappointed. Still that can not be an excuse to give up! That is not an excuse for not being brave enough to take a leap of faith and try again. That is not an excuse for not choosing to be happy."

Mama silently sheds her tears.

"If you have to go through pain being hopeful and hopeless, what's the point of being hopeless? You'll go through it anyway, right? What is worse than dying, Mama? We all need to die. But should be a reason to stop us from living?"

"Faith, I-", Mama starts sobbing before finishing the sentence.

"You remember what Papa used to say?"

"Don't bring him now!", Mama cries.

"Why? If a dead person's words help you to live better, why keep ignoring that? What good will come with trying to erase Papa's every single trace?"

"You'll get.."

"Hurt? Nostalgic? If it helps me, I am ok with being hurt. You did everything to erase him. But are you not hurt? Papa used to say my writings were too good for my age. He swore by them. I did believe him when he was alive and I still do. I think if I can write, something can surely come out of it. I think...NO, I KNOW, something great can happen. I have been writing a novel since he left...Secretely...Tonight I can finish the last chapter. Just...let me, Mama. Don't say anything, You are my mother. Take a leap of faith!"

Mama slowly walks to her bed and lays down. No one speak a word and Faith gets back to her tiny, half-broken, wooden table.

"Here it is, Kelly. I have given my best in it. I became honest with the story, the characters."

"You are going to be the most famous sixteen years old writer, Madam", Kelly cuts a joke and laughs herself.

"Stop teasing me", Faith starts to blush.

"NO, honestly! Everyone misses you by those three stories you published. They remember your work more than you, Ma'am!"

"It means a lot that you are still friend with me, Kelly", Faith gratefully speaks, "I will never forget your help."

"Not help, you idiot. Friendship. I am happy to be a part of it. I will drop your novel today. I have a feeling that you may win the contest. The ten thousand dollars will be such big a prize!!!"

"Hey, I may not win the first prize...stop teasing me..."

"I know you are going to win the first prize, Faith. You are too good. But you must buy me a lot of Ice-Cream when you win", Kelly winks at Faith.

One month has passed. Mama's behaviour changed a lot. But she does not talk much anymore. Today is the day of announcement. Faith was reading an old book Papa bought her as a gift. Faith's siblings all go out early in the morning and work in the streets until dusk for selling chocolates. Mama is a waitress. Faith take care of Grandma at home. She is very sick all the time. But she also sells chocolate for a few hours when Beth comes home.

"I think you may win it", Mama is talking to Faith after one whole month. Faith is very surprised. She is standing very near. Faith loves the scent comes from Mama's body. It's no perfume. But it smells like home. It's her natural scent. Faith believes that all the mothers have a natural motherly scent coming from their bodies. She wrote about this scent in her novel. Suddenly Mama smiles at her. Faith's heart feels like a butterfly flipping its wings. "I am staying home today, Mama goes to the kitchen. Faith is feeling really happy today. First time after a long time.

"FAITH! FAITH! You-", Kelly can't breath.

"What? What? I what?"

"Won! YOU WON! And you are rich!"

"What? Don't just tease me!"

"No, I am not kidding. You did win, Faith. Look at this.."

"What! Ma-", Even before looking at the paper properly, Faith is about to scream. But Mama is already standing a few feet away. Her eyes are full of tears. She stretches her arms and Faith run towards her. Mama holds her in a long, warm and loving embrace. Grandma has come too with her stick. Kelly is smiling and crying all at the same time.

"So, what about my Ice-Creams?", Kelly broke the silence.

"I have so much to eat too. I always loved to eat...". Faith suddenly looks at Mama's face who is smiling at her.