Here With Hope

Again.

He’s doing it again.

You watch from a hidden corner as he slides the blade across his scarred flesh. The gaping cuts were terrifying, angry red lines decorating his arms and thighs.

How you wished to jump out from the cupboard and stop him every time this happened.

Each bloody cut scarred your heart a little more.

While you felt like crying you don’t have the right when he never did. Cold blue eyes staring at the stinging wounds like they weren’t carved into his own flesh but someone else’s.

Others may not see but you could see the pain and loneliness hidden deep inside those eyes. How many times had you cleaned and bandaged the wounds when he would fall asleep or faint.

He sat on the edge of the bathtub and watched the rich red blood fall against the porcelain white. You wished to hug and tell him it’s okay you're here he’s not alone, unfortunately, you can only hide until nightfall.

For a human to see a brownie is bad, in the past caught brownies had tragic ends. The rules ingrained into your mind denied you the right call out, every time you freeze.

You can only watch him hurt more and more, how you want to call out, and reassure him.

Usually, he'd turn on the faucet and watch the pink water swirl down the drain, but today he left it. He left the bathroom with heavy steps and you took the chance to steal the blood-covered blade.

He comes back with a pad of paper in one hand and a pen in the other, you watch as he sets on the floor back against the door. His face hardened and eyes were dull, a look you are familiar with.

The look that your parents had when they left you and never came back. A look of resignation while pretending to not care, It is a look that terrified you. He began writing not caring if blood hit the paper, from what you can see it is a letter.

You can't see exactly what's written but can guess. He tore the paper from the pad giving you the chance to see the name 'Noel Collins' in neat penmanship.

You felt your throat constrict and guilt burdened your shoulders. You can stop this, that damned paper doesn't have to be the only evidence of Noel Collins' short existence.

"Just say it!" Everything in you screamed. You will regret it more than anything if you don't say it. Who cares about the rules when his life is on the line, you tried to clear your throat.

He didn't know of you or your internal war as he folded the paper and left it on the sink. He reached for his blade, the blade he had harmed himself with for so long and the blade he planned to end his life with.

Only the blade was gone, you breathed a sigh of relief remembering it was sitting beside you in the cupboard. Noel looked at the spot where the blade had sat earlier.

He rummaged through a drawer and pulled out an old pocket knife, the only gift his father had ever given him. It had a sharp silver blade with a black handle, even more, suitable than the one he used earlier.

You shake watching him slide to the tile floor and bring the silver blade closer to his wrist.

"Stop!" You choked out as the thin blade pressed against his flesh. He paused and looked around confused, he was alone, right?

Did he have a shimmer of will somewhere? But that wasn't right he was ready, he had long prepared his mind for this moment.

To end it with a final slice.

"Please stop!" The voice begged. Noel looked around the bathroom unable to pinpoint where the voice was coming from. Had he finally gone insane like his mother?

He felt more determined now, he didn't want to be like her of like him, you feel more helpless by the second. Your voice is being heard yet he had yet to stop and looked even more determined.

"No! Please don't do it, you're not alone," you shout, and this time push the cupboard door open. Noel stared at the tiny creature that appeared from nowhere. His usual stoic expression disappeared for a split second.

Was he also hallucinating?

You run forward and wrap your arms around his wrist as if to protect it from the blade that wanted to do more harm.

"I'm not a hallucination-" you whisper- "I'm real and I'm here for you." You look into his eyes trying your best to convince him into believing you.

It looked akin to a tiny person with wild curly brown hair, big amber eyes, a small face, and a small body dressed in rags. Noel felt laughter scratch at his throat, not happy laughter but hysterical.

Noel through his head back and began laughing, a desperate laugh.

It scares you and leaves you confused and relieved at once. You don't dare let go of his wrist though, protecting the vulnerable spot. His hysterics come to an end and he looks down at you with eyes clearer than ever.

You realize that he is crying for the first time since he moved into the empty house. Tears rolled down his cheeks pelting against your own face like raindrops. You lick your lips and realize how bitter tears are.

"Do I dare believe you're real?" He whispers more to himself than to you.

"I am here," you repeat the same line like a broken record, you don't know what else to say.

"I have always been here watching you-" you continue softly- "I have seen you during your worst and your best."

You also begin to cry, "I am sorry for not coming sooner but I have always been here."

He relishes in the warmth of your body and the knife falls clacking against the tile floor. Then he sits there with you by his side, only this time you are closer than ever.

“What are you?” Noel whispers after a long time, the little thing hadn’t moved an inch only watching him with its big eyes.

“I am Lyre the brownie of this house,” you introduce yourself. You unlatch your arms from him and scurry to the cupboard. Inside hidden behind the cleaner bottles is a little basket filled with first-aid supplies.

You drag the basket over to the stationary Noel and set to work. Carefully you dab the alcohol-soaked cotton balls against the angry gashes.

Noel watched Lyre busy itself with cleaning his wounds and even wrapping them in a familiar way. Often he’d wake up with his wounds bandaged and find it strange, but he always had thought he did in his semi-conscious state.

So the little thing had truly always been by his side.

“Why have you never come out before?”

It looked up at Noel with guilt-ridden eyes, “I follow the rules, getting seen by humans is bad,” It explained.

Noel’s brows furrowed, “then why now?” His whisper is almost too soft to hear, but to you, it is very loud.

“I don’t care if something bad happens to me. Noel is more important,” you say your truest thoughts in that instance and realize how true it is. Even before you actually communicated with him you had been pushing the lines for a long time.

Bandaging his wounds and guarding him in his sleep.

Doing other little things considered dangerous.

Noel had lived these last two years in a daze and didn't even bother trying to find out about these things.

You return the basket to its hiding spot and return to see Noel staggering to his feet with numb legs. The mess forgotten as he left the horrid bathroom with its blue walls and returned to his bedroom a door down.

You follow behind him with big steps and watch him collapse in the ocean of white sheets coating his bed.

“So-” he murmured- “something bad will happen to you?”

You don’t quite understand how to answer, but attempt to explain.

“Brownies are house spirits, they aren’t human, humans do bad things.”

Noel patted the top of his bed signaling for his savior to join him, the little creature only reaching his mid-shin nimbly climbed up.

“I won’t let anything happen-” Noel murmurs- “so don’t leave me,” he pleaded. You can only smile and nod, you also wished to never leave him.

One year later…

You hold a duster as big as you and look around the living room with pride. The sofa was spotless, every corner dust-free, and the windows clear. The sound of the front door opening makes your smile grow impossibly wide.

“Lyre I got you something,” Noel calls with a smile of his own. He carries a paper bag in one hand and a plastic one in the other.

So much has changed in such a short time, some good and a lot of bad.

“What is it!” You grab his pant leg and pull him into the cleaned living room. Noel laughed in amusement and let you push him onto the couch, he lifted you on his lap with a gentle ease.

He gives you the paper bag and you begin your dig through the tissue paper pulling out something. A cute pair of overalls with a little t-shirt and even a pair of cowboy boots were tucked away at the bottom.

Noel had found a little store that made special doll clothes, his new hobby is ordering customized clothes for you. It was a nice upgrade from your previous rags, but now you had so many you never knew what to wear.

It didn’t matter though, you loved the new clothes. You stood up and slapped a big kiss on Noel’s cheek with a slight blush on your own.

Noel laughed again, “so happy and you haven’t even seen what’s in the other one!” He teased you by dangling the plastic bag a little out of your reach, thus the game of keep away started.

It didn’t take long for you to catch the bag as you surprised Noel when you smashed another kiss on his chin. Excited you open the bag and see a box of maple fudge, a favorite shared by you and Noel.

Excited you try to open the box only for it to disappear, the culprit grinned.

“Dinner first.”

You hop from his lap to your feet on the sofa while Noel walks towards the kitchen. You're proud to see his shoulders high and nobby spine no longer visible through his clothes. A very hard-earned accomplishment.

Noel started seeing a therapist after his failed attempt at suicide. Unfortunately, eighteen years of abuse don’t disappear in an instant.

At first, it seemed like he was getting worse but over the last year, he had started to accept everything.

His mother is clinically insane, his father is a sadistic psychopath, and he couldn’t control that or change what happened. The scars in his mind like on his body were permanent and he had to accept this.

You watch him struggle each day and are always by his side to support him this time.

It’s only the beginning though, Noel will continue to struggle and get better, you’ll be by his side no matter what. You feel incredibly happy seeing how far he has come and look forward to how far he will continue to go.