His City

I slam my hand down on the alarm clock before it even has a chance to ring. The covers stick to me, begging me not to go, and honestly, I would much prefer to be here than wherever I will go today.

I stumble into the kitchen and prepare my coffee. My eyes follow the steam up and are caught by the photos on the refrigerator.

He wore a red parka and was smiling ridiculously at the camera. I really thought his face would split in two that day from how much he smiled. Just thinking of him made my eyes water. He was the only one who could stay calm, the one who would understand when things went wrong. We both miss him.

I sigh and finish getting ready. As soon as I walk out the door a cold gust of wind threatens to push me back into my apartment. I scowl and push forward. I refuse to allow this to happen. I stumble along the sidewalk. It seems to hate me, catching the heels of my boots with all its cracks and uneven edges.

I descend the stairs leading to the subway. Better to take it than risk killing myself walking. The bustle of people usually comforts me, but now I just feel even lonelier in the crowd. Even the intercom sounds robotic and inhuman.

....

The second I step out of the station, the sky darkens. Little tornadoes of leaves wind through the maze of cars. I try to find my way to my office, but the streets seem to change and I end up lost. Sighing, I give in and just walk. He was the only one who could really find his way. All of us just blame it on our poor sense of direction. He was the one who understood.

The crack of thunder snaps me out of my reverie, and I find myself in the middle of the park. The one from the picture. The wind picks up speed, whipping my skirt around me. I look around, there's no one.

The first drops start to fall, annoying at first, but painful when they land all at once.

The first sob escapes me. Why? Why does this have to happen?

The howling of the wind reaches a fever pitch, threatening to burst my eardrums. The cold starts to seep in, making me numb. I fall to my knees and just cry.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore, I scream.

I let out all the anger and frustration I've kept bottled up for months. My hands tear at the grass and I shout.

"Stop, please stop!"

My words are drowned out by the thunder. Again, I try:

"I miss him too! But this won't bring him back!"

My strength leaves me, and I fall on the ground exhausted.

He loved it, the city. Used to say it was as complicated as a human, with emotions just like us. He wouldn't curse when he tried to go to the grocery store and ended up at a coffee shop. He just went along with it. He said the city knows what it's doing, that we have to trust it. At first I thought he was crazy. But as time went by, I noticed little things. Like how he never seemed to have to wait to cross a sidewalk. Whenever he went to a park it was sunny. If he was sad, he always ended up at a library, his favorite place. Once, he was in a rush to get somewhere, and the streets kept leading him somewhere else. He reached his destination late, but learned that there had been an accident in the street he had wanted to cross. If he had continued through it, he would have died.

He loved the city, and the city loved him. But it hated me. Maybe because it was scared he'd leave it alone. I was never able to get anywhere on time. My shoes were scuffed from tripping with everything. He began ignoring the city after that.

It blamed me, I guess, for his death. I never had his touch for "talking with it", as he called it. Things went unresolved between us.

"I know you loved him. I loved, no, I love him too. I suffer everyday because he is gone, but I have to keep going. I can't stay in bed and sulk, because that isn't what he would have wanted", I whisper, my voice weak and hoarse from crying.

"I couldn't help falling for him, I never meant to take him from you. He was sweet and kind..."

I kept talking about him. I remembered all the times he had made me laugh, how he held me when I was sad. I lay there for hours.

Bit by bit, the rain eased. After a while, the wind stopped. Now it was just a steady stream, falling from a gray sky. It was crying, I realized. It was mourning for him.

I spread my arms on the ground, despite the rain, it feels.... warm. Eventually, the rain stopped completely. I slowly get up and make my way to our apartment. I shower and dive in bed.

I wake up to the sun shining on my face. Wait, what?

I jump out of bed and look out the window. People standd outside their homes admiring the sky, they are just as surprised as I am. I make my way out the door, and for the first time in months, I feel the warmth of the sun.

Days pass like this. I no longer trip so much on the sidewalk. Sometimes I even manage to get to the office early. Other days it takes me to new places, and sometimes to where I used to go with him. Somedays it still rains, but then I go to the park and talk with it.

I don't think I'll ever be as good or as understanding as him, but I am happy with just being friends with it. After all, it was his city, and now it is mine.