Dating My Darling

“Welcome back to another loving episode of ‘Dating My Darling’. If you would like to be a contestant on our show, just go to the website and apply or call the number listed below. Now, on with the show.”

         Louise grabbed a notepad from the table beside her and jotted down the information. She had always wanted to be on a game show, and Dating My Darling was her absolute favorite game show of all. 

         On the game, couples had to allow cameras to follow them around for a week and show them dating. It would also show how compatable or not compatable the couple was. Throughout the week, the couple would be given tasks to complete together by the game show, and they would be rated on the completion. There were three couples per week, and the game show would give the winning couple a check for ten thousand dollars.

         Louise called her boyfriend and told him that they were holding auditions for the game. He immediately put a stop to that plan. He told Louise that he didn’t want to be on the game show, and that actually he had been planning on talking to her about them seeing other people.

         Louise was heart – broken. She was sad to lose Roger, but she was even more upset about the game show. You had to be a couple to play the game, after all. Louise sat and watched the episode that was playing. As she watched, she had a brilliant idea. When the show was over, she grabbed her phone and called her best friend, Stewart.

         Louise and Stewart had grown up together. They had literally been best friends since they were babies. They had gone all through school together. They were so close that Louise was the first person Stewart had come out to regarding his sexuality. However, Louise knew that they could pull off being a couple. She presented her idea to Stewart, who actually thought that it sounded like a lot of fun.

         They got together that evening, and over wine and pizza they filled out and submitted the application. The second step of the process required them to submit a picture of themselves as a couple. They put their arms around each other, leaned in close, and took a selfie, which they quickly submitted.

         A couple of weeks went by, and Louise figured that they hadn’t gotten chosen when a letter came in the mail. They had been selected to be on the show! Louise screamed in delight and began jumping up and down on her front porch. She ran in and called Stewart. 

         They got together that evening to strategize. They would be starting filming in three weeks, and they wanted everything to be perfect. They decided that Stewart would move some things to Louise’s house and they would ‘live together’. This would make the filming easier and it would make them appear to be more of a couple.

         When the day arrived, and the camera crews showed up, Louise and Stewart were both very nervous. The crew assured them that everyone felt that way, and handed them their first task. The first thing that they had to do seemed pretty simple. They were to plan a meal together, shop for and prepare it together.

         The first task went okay. Not as well as they had hoped, but okay. The meal that they planned was stew. The first problem that they encountered was deciding what type of meat to use in the stew. Louise wanted to use beef. Stewart preferred a chicken stew. Then there was the matter of the vegetables. Stewart preferred carrots on the side. Louise preferred carrots, celery and potatoes – in the stew. Eventually, they agreed on beef stew with the vegetables on the side. Out of a possible hundred points for that task, they received seventy five. The other couples received an eighty and a ninety. 

         The next task that they were assigned was to pretend that they had five thousand dollars to re-furnish their house. They were to decide which furniture they would keep and which they would replace. Then they were to go and ‘replace’ the furniture, but they had to be in agreement.

         Again, the task was worth one hundred points. Louise and Stewart felt that they had this in the bag. They did, after all, have much of the same tastes. Except, that was, when it came to Louise’s old cracked green leather couch. Also, when it came to Stewart’s ratty brown cloth recliner. They each wanted to keep those pieces, and the discussion regarding this got very heated indeed, costing them valuable points. Thankfully, one of the other couples had it worse, with the man having had to give up absolutely everything and wanting to select some pieces of his own this time. 

         At the furniture store, Stewart and Louise ran into yet another problem. Louise wanted a dinette set that cost over a thousand dollars. Stewart felt that they could opt for a cheaper set and therefore get nicer things for the rest of the house. Forgetting for the moment that this was all just pretend, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the furniture store. They ended up with only fifty points for that task. The couple that had eighty points gained another seventy five, and the couple that had ninety only gained twenty five.

         At this point, Louise and Stewart were in second place, but not by much. They knew they had to get on the same page, and fast. Hopefully, the next task wouldn’t be too difficult.

         On the third day, they were given the task of playing a board game together. The point of this was to show that one could lose to the other and be a good sport about it. The couples were all assigned Monopoly. Louise groaned when she heard what game they had to play. She despised Monopoly, always had. Stewart, on the other hand, absolutely loved it.

         That evening, after supper, they cleaned the table and sat down to play the game. Louise, thankfully, already knew she would lose to Stewart, so she just played and didn’t really care one way or the other. Because she was not very into the game, they only earned ninety points for that task. 

         One of the other two couples invited some friends over to play with them, which made them be on their best behavior. Their previous score of one hundred fifteen upped to two hundred fifteen.

         The other couple, however, just decided to trash talk each other during the entire game, ending up with neither of them speaking to the other. Their total of one hundred sixty five only grew by fifteen points.

         There were only two more tasks to go, and Louise and Stewart were tied for second place with another couple. They were getting tired of pretending, but they really wanted that prize money, and they had heard that there were other secret prizes, as well.

         On day four, the men were to plan a romantic evening for the women. They had to come up with the most romantic date that they could imagine. The game show would cover the cost, so money was no object.

         Stewart was all up for this task. He hired a stretch limo. He reserved a table at the best restaurant in town. He bought Louise three dozen roses, which he placed on her bed, along with a new designer gown for her to wear on their date. He had tickets for a popular ballet after dinner. While they were gone, he had rose petals strewn all over the living room. There was champagne, romantic music and dim lights when they returned. Then they retired to the bedroom. This was the only time that the cameras were turned off, so thankfully they didn’t have to fake making love.

         The other couples had come up with similarly romantic gestures for their partners. Each couple scored one hundred points for that task. This put Louise and Stewart at three hundred fifteen points, couple B at the same, and couple C at two hundred eighty. They were all dreading the next morning, when the final task would be upon them.

         On Friday morning, the final task was announced. Each couple would have to take care of a ‘baby’ for twenty four hours. The ‘babies’ were rigged to wet (water) and poop (chocolate pudding). They were rigged to vomit (yogurt). They were even programmed to cry at random times. 

         Each couple was given their baby, with the very first thing being to give it a name. They were given three outfits, four diapers, a bottle, and half a can of formula. Then the games began. 

         Louise and Stewart had never been around babies. They had no clue as to what went into taking care of a baby. The baby started crying about half an hour after they got her. They had named her Petunia, because they thought it was funny. While Louise walked and bounced her, Stewart attempted to make a bottle. First, it was too cold, then too hot. He finally got it right, but the baby was so upset and hungry that she gulped it down and then threw up. 

         As Louise changed her, thanking her stars that this was a fake baby, Stewart took a moment to gather himself. They had only had the baby for an hour, and had already made a huge mess of it. He feared that they would not win the game.

         After changing the baby, Louise tried putting her down for a nap, but she wouldn’t go. Instead, she pooped all over her second outfit, and had to be changed again. Stewart took his turn this time, all the while dreading the loss that he knew was coming. Once she was changed again, Petunia once again began crying. Louise fed her this time, and she thankfully kept it down, but they were down to two diapers, one outfit, and almost out of formula. 

         They realized that they had to go to the store – or at least one of them did. Who would stay with Petunia? Neither was willing, so they grabbed her up and put her in the car to go to the store. Neither Louise nor Stewart had realized how much baby stuff cost. This was ridiculous! Not to mention that Petunia hadn’t stopped crying.

         Back in the car with formula, diapers, and a screaming baby, Stewart looked at Louise and stated that he was giving up. He decided to call his mother. 

         It just so happened that Stewart’s mother had some baby clothes from when his sister was a baby. She also knew many tricks to quiet a crying baby. 

         When the time was up, they were certain that they had lost because of getting help. However, they were pleasantly surprised to find that they had earned ninety five points, because asking for help with a baby is most important. They had beat out couple B by five points!

         Sometime later Louise and Stewart were enjoying a cookout at Louise’s. They knew that there were some things that they couldn’t agree on, but they knew they agreed that babies were not something either of them ever wanted to deal with again.