"The Unthankful Thanksgiving"

My dad's death was simply unexpected. Every day I'm haunted by the scene of his death. I was there. I was six. I watched my dad fall through the ice and into a really deep lake. I was a helpless six year old. I tried so hard to grab his arm through the crack in the ice but all I could see was his scared and shivering face sinking deeper and deeper down.

When I realized that I finally needed help, I screamed. I should've known better but I was six years old. We were pretty much in the middle of nowhere. This lake was pretty private. I decided to walk back to our car. I was crying and shaking from the cold. I was totally distraught. Maybe I'll die too, I thought. It was quite a morbid thought for my six year old self to think.

About two hours later a truck showed up with a man and his teenaged son. They saw me and I could see the instant change in their happy faces. They saw that I was alone and scared.

"Hey little lady," The man said. "Are you by yourself?"

"No, my daddy is here," I half-lied.

"Okay, that's good where is your daddy?" The man inquired.

"Underneath the ice," I muttered, which was followed by tears streaming down my face.

The son looked at his father with pure worry in his eyes and then looked at me in such an empathetic way.

"We will find him," The father promised. "But for now, Andrew-my son, and I will take you to the police station right away,"

"Why? I'm not a criminal," I cried.

"No, no, no sweetie, we know you aren't a criminal. It's just a safe place to be right now. Now honey, do you know how long he's been stuck under the ice for?" The father asked, whilst leaning down to my level with apologetic eyes.

"A few hours," I admitted, knowing that my father's fate couldn't be good from the way the man looked at me in shock.

They drove me to the police station. A lady police officer took me into her office and sat me down. She asked me a few questions and gave me a biscuit with some hot chocolate. While she was talking to me about my daddy, about five police officers went to go find my daddy.

My mother was devastated to find out of his death. As was I. I never went to that lake again. I never went ice skating again. My mother didn't either. She was depressed for years. She grew bitter. She was always mad at me because in a way, she felt that it was my fault. The lady police officer told me that it wasn't my fault and from then on, I never went about his death like it was my fault. I was six years old and I could never left my two hundred pound dad. I just wish my mother could understand that.

For years, if I had said something weird or looked at her with certain eyes she would smack me across the head for "looking too much like him". Although I realized that his death had nothing to do with me, other than I was there, I still felt bad for her because I had his brown eyes and I had his auburn hair. I looked just like him except for his scar that he had gotten underneath his chin from falling down the stairs.

Now, I'm 16 years old. 10 years later. It's weird to think about. I can drive. I'm old enough to date. I still feel incomplete. A part of me has been missing for ten years. Sometimes I feel that I was taken away from the wrong parent. My mom had become abusive and I had realized it. I didn't want to turn myself into child's services. I didn't want to go live with a new family. I'd be out in two years anyways.

My mother started seeing this guy that worked in her office when I was 15. His name is Garrett. I don't like him. He has the humor of a two year old. My mother seems happy though. She laughs whenever he makes a stupid joke. It's a real laugh. Her fake laugh is so distinct. Every time I tried to be funny, to lighten the mood, she'd give me a fake laugh. I would've preferred her to not laugh at all. Maybe it would've made me feel better. They eloped a few weeks after my sixteenth birthday. I wasn't pleased. He didn't live with us, though. They liked to have their space, so that was one thing I liked about the arrangement.

"Garrett will be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner," She declared.

I despised that man even more. First, he married my mother, second-his jokes suck, and now he's joining us for my favorite holiday. God, I hate this man.

"What if I don't want him here," I mumbled.

"Why are you so difficult? Can't you just be happy for me?" She choked.

"I'm not happy for you. You have never loved me since the day dad drowned in the lake. You act like I pushed him down into the water. I was six fucking years old. Now you've met the shittiest replacement. What's name again? Oh yeah, fucking Garrett. He's the dumbest person I've ever met in my life. If the chair squeaks and it resembles the sound of a fart, he laughs like a two year old. Dad would be ashamed of him sitting in his chair, as am I," I said with finality.

Her piercing blue eyes stared at me for a good minute. Her face was overcome with disbelief. As rude as I had been, it felt good to lay it all out in the open. I said the truth. I was not happy for her. My dad's death was not my fault. Garrett was a horrible fatherly figure and he'd never be considered a step father to me.

"I am utterly in shock. Garrett will be joining us, whether you like it or not. I don't care what your view is on my husband. He's a good guy and I'm sure your father would be happy that I've moved on after ten years of grieving," She cried, walking away.

Again, I didn't feel bad.

Thanksgiving morning was really boring. My mother didn't make me anything. She normally made eggs, bacon, sausage, and hashbrowns. It was our little tradition. All she had to eat was a granola bar and a coffee. She didn't even look at me the entire morning. I was never given a "Happy Thanksgiving". I muttered one to her but she chose not to hear it. I walked away before I could cry. I didn't feel bad for her but I felt bad for myself. I'm not a selfish person but I do feel bad for myself a lot. I don't consider it a pity party because I'm the only one who attends that. My mother has never said that she was sorry that I witnessed my dad's death. She never hugged me after finding out that dreadful news. She never was happy that I was okay. If she were, she never admitted it. I was never comforted by her. She was always so cold toward me. I was the constant reminder. She even gave up on Christmas. She gave me coal in my stocking. When I discovered that Santa Claus wasn't real, I cried because that meant that my mother gave me coal. Every Christmas before the truth came out, I thought I was a bad kid. I tried each year to be better but I still got coal. I used to pretend that it was just a joke and my mother would tell me that she had just been saving up for a car for me to have over the last few years. I never got it.

Garrett arrived a little after 4 p.m. I gave him the cold shoulder the entire time. I think even his dumb self noticed. My mother didn't look at me the entire time.

She served dinner. She had made the entire Thanksgiving feast by herself, strictly by choice. Garrett had offered to make the mashed potatoes and a few pies at his house and then just bring them to ours but she insisted that she'd make everything. I offered as well but she wouldn't even look at me or talk to me. I took it as a no.

"I think we should say what we are thankful for, it's my family's tradition to do that before we eat," Garrett said with amusement.

My mother smiled and nodded her head.

"I'll go first," Garrett insisted. "I'm thankful that I've married such an amazingly beautiful woman," He said, squeezing her hand.

I rolled my eyes. It was so corny that it was irritating.

"I'll go," My mother whispered. "I'm thankful that someone else is sitting in this abandoned chair,"

"Georgina, won't you say what you're thankful for?" Garrett smiled.

"Okay," I sneered. "I'm thankful...no. I'm thankful for...wait, no, wrong beginner. I'm unthankful...that's the one. I know it's not a word but I'm going with it. I'm unthankful for you both eloping. I'm unthankful that Garrett is sitting in my dad's chair. I'm unthankful that my mother used to hit me for looking like my father. I'm unthankful that my mother has never forgiven me. I'm unthankful that my own mother never felt sorry for me for witnessing my dad's death. I'm unthankful that she never treated me warmly. I'm unthankful that she put coal in my stocking for years until I realized that Santa was not a real being and that she had done it simply out of bitterness. I will not be apologizing for anything because I don't feel bad for my mother. She sucked at being a mother for a long time. Therefore, I'm unthankful for a lot but I guess I'm thankful for the only honest moment I've ever had. Thank you,"

I got up and left. I knew she'd yell at me once Garrett left. For now, she's playing the victim. She's probably telling Garrett that my childhood was really good and that I was lying to get unneeded sympathy.

Garrett left shortly after. I was happy. He had taken off his wedding ring and left it on his plate. It seemed a bit rude to me but nevertheless, I was happy he was practically gone. As for my mother, I guess that was the first time I felt a little sad for her in a long time.

I walked into the living room, to be greeted a hard slap in the face.

"How could you!" She screamed with emotion. "You made Garrett leave me! He thinks I'm a terrible woman and that I've faked my love for him. You are the worst person I've ever met! You drag tragedy around everywhere you go!"

"Maybe if you didn't treat me like shit all of the time, this wouldn't have happened," I cried.

She slapped me again. "You have no reason to cry, you ungrateful bitch! I want you to pack your things and leave,"

I think I cried the most I've ever cried that night. She let me stay for that night but I was to be out in the morning. The earlier, the better. I sobbed the entire night. I didn't like my mother but I did love her. I just wish she had loved me too.

When I awoke, there was a coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs with bacon and hashbrowns. There was a note next to it, which read:

Dear Georgina,

I am not going to say goodbye to you this morning. I've decided to go over Garrett's to clear the air and hope that he takes me back. I've never felt so humiliated in my life. The food might be cold by now, so put it in the microwave for about 45 seconds.

I hope you know that I do love you. I don't want to kick you out but I think that it's best for now. We aren't the best mother daughter duo like Lorelai and Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. I'm sorry for that. It's hard to look at you most of the time. I've never gotten over your father but Garrett was the only one who I have found that has genuinely liked me since your father.

Here's some money, if you need more, come back and I'll give you more. You just can't live here.

Sincerely,

Mom

If it was possible, I think I disliked her more than ever. It's so heartless to kick a child out. Especially when the worst thing they've done is told the truth.

I never moved back.